Inner Monsters
by 10Stargazer01
Summary: What if Jefferson released Belle from the asylum earlier? And what if Belle didn't go directly to Mr. Gold, but instead meets Ruby? Who is Belle now? Red Beauty. Rating is M, maybe a debatable T, wasn't really sure.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I solemnly disclaim every right to every character and location in the story. I even disclaim the right to some of the lines later on as I took them directly out of the show. This disclaimer counts for the entire story.**

**Summary: What if Jefferson released Belle from the asylum earlier? And what if Belle didn't go directly to Mr. Gold, but instead meets Ruby? Who is Belle now? Red Beauty.**

**A/N: It's the same universe and the same story line as the show, only because of this minor change things are just slightly different. I've rated it M because of some dark topics.**

**A/N: I would appreciate it like you wouldn't believe, if you would let me know what you think as you go along. Everything will help me become better. The story is essentially done and I will post chapters as I finish second drafts. Now let's get to it.**

**Chapter 1: Lacey **

I run out, slamming the door behind me. Granny's words all echo in the back of my head as I run down the street, my only thought getting the hell out of there. _Grow up Ruby, stop flirting with the customers and do your job, stop dressing like a drag queen at work, do the damn count girl how many times do I have to tell you?_

_It's my damn life! _I shouted at her, when she took my credit card.

_You'll get it back when you start acting like you're responsible enough to possess it._

Like I wasn't responsible. I took care of the diner most of the time didn't I? Nothing is just ever good enough for Granny.

I end up at the dock, looking out at the sea and wonder if I can make it to another land if I swim away now. I have thought of leaving so many times. Move to Boston. Anywhere has got to be better than this.

I've always felt like something was missing. I guess in a town as small as Storybrooke you're apt to never find what you're looking for.

I stare at the moonlight's reflection in the surface of the dark water. The rage in the pit of my stomach has subsided and become a knot of sadness instead. I wish I could talk to Granny about this, but it's always about the diner and the inn. Apparently that's all life is about.

"Hello?" A foreign voice calls from a distance. "Is-is someone there?"

It's a female voice and she has a foreign accent. British or Australian, I'm not sure. I've got good ears, but I was never one of the smart ones.

"Over here", I say and turn to see her approaching slowly. She looks tired and a little scared. Honestly, she looks like someone who has escaped from someone's basement. Her clothes are dirty and slightly torn, her dark hair is a mess and she's not wearing shoes. "Are you okay?" I ask and get up, suddenly afraid she's gonna fall down.

"Yes, I think so", she says. "I don't know where I am." She's a bit shorter than me and she looks up at me with an expression of utter confusion.

"You're in Storybrooke", I tell her. "My name is Ruby. What's your name?"

She looks a bit around hesitantly then her eyes find mine again. They're a bright blue color with dark lashes surrounding them.

"I don't know."

"O-okay. Why don't you come sit down, you look tired." She sits down on the bench I just rose from and runs a hand through her hair. I sit down beside her. "Do you know what happened to you?"

She shakes her head. "No. I was just released from… somewhere. This man told me to find a Mr. Gold. Tell him that someone named Regina locked me up. And I don't know of any Storybrooke."

Regina did this? I knew the mayor had some dark secrets, but what on earth had she done to this girl? What could she possibly have against her?

"Well, Mr. Gold's shop is down the main street. I can show you if you want?"

"I'm just so nackered. And tired of walkin'. My feet hurt and…" She trails of as she pushed her hair out of her face and the hand gets stuck in the knots.

"Here, let me take care of that", I say and pull the lace out of my one pigtail. "Can I?"

She nods. "Sure."

I pull her hair back as well as I can manage the thick entangled curls and tie the lace around it. I pull the other lace out of my second pigtail and tie it into a bow on her right arm.

"There", I say and smile at her. She smiles vaguely back.

"I don't really know what to with myself. It's all so confusin'", she says.

"You can come home with me. My Granny own a bed and breakfast, I'll get you a room there. Is that okay?"

Her smile gets a little more genuine. "That would be great."

"Good. Now I just need something to call you."

She shrugs. "I don't know that I have a name... You give me one."

"Me? Um, okay…" I look at the strange girl and my eye is caught by my red lace in her hair. It shines because the streetlights catch the fabric.

"Lacey", I tell her.

"Lacey… I like it." She shivers and I remember that she has no shoes on.

"Oh my God, I forgot, you must be so cold. Come, let's get you to Granny's."

I hold out my hand and she takes it, entwining her cold fingers in mine. Her hand is small and soft. She must be around my age, not judging by her size, but the look on her face and her voice. It's not British after all.

I unlock the door to the diner and lead Lacey's shaking figure inside.

"Granny?" I call softly, remembering the fight we had before I left.

"If it isn't my grandchild crawling back. Did it get cold out ther-" She comes into the room, but stops talking when she sees Lacey standing slightly behind me. "Who is this?"

"Gran, this is Lacey. I met her outside just now. The mayor has had her locked up somewhere and she has no memory of who she is. I told her she could stay here, it so cold outside."

"Of course. Let me see you girl." I gently push Lacey forward and she takes a few steps towards Granny. "Where are your shoes, girl?"

"I-I don't have any."

"Ruby find the girl some warmer clothes, some of yours should fit, some of your _old_ clothes, don't you dare put her in the things you display to the customers nowadays."

"Yes Granny", I say and can't prevent myself from rolling my eyes at her. The fight hasn't been forgotten yet I see.

I dig deep into the drawer for some clothes for Lacey and bring out the thick wool socks for her. When I come down again she's sitting in one of the booths drinking hot tea.

"I'll set up a guest room for you", Granny says when she sees me coming down the stairs again. We switch places.

"What was that look?" Lacey asks.

"What? Oh, Granny and I had a fight before I ran out and met you. She thinks I'm irresponsible and self-obsessed. And dress like a drag queen."

"I don't know what a drag queen is…"

I try to explain it to her.

"No, I wouldn't say that. You could lose some of the make-up I guess. You have a pretty face."

"Thank you", I say and she smiles, a little smile just teasing the corners of her mouth, before taking a sip of tea.

It's not long before Lacey's eyes starts to flutter and she starts yawning. Granny leads her to one of the guest rooms upstairs just down the hall from where the apartment Granny and I live in is. Lacey is quiet and polite, and smiles vaguely. If she's afraid it's hard to tell, mostly she just seems exhausted. I can't begin to imagine what it's like not knowing who you are, but I don't ask her. She thanks Granny for her kindness and closes the door.

Granny takes me down to the diner and haves me explain just how I met her. I tell her the short story.

"I always knew something was odd about that Regina Mills. It's good you were there. I'm not sure I want her going to Mr. Gold either, I don't particularly like that man."

"Well, he's kind of old and odd, but just because he threatened to close down the diner once-"

"I don't want her to go see him until we know that she's well. Maybe we should get her to the hospital to have her checked."

"She's not a stray dog, Granny!"

Granny waves her head at me. "Don't talk stupid, girl, of course she's not. But you don't know what she might have been exposed to."

"I'll ask her, okay? Give her a second to calm down", I say and mumble 'jeez' under my breath. Granny gives me a look, but says nothing.

"Just check on her before you start your shift tomorrow, will you?"

"Of course."

"Good. I'm gonna turn in. We'll see how she's feeling in the morning."

I go to bed too, having a hard time falling asleep with all the wandering thoughts in my head about the strange girl. Who is she? Where did she come from? I'm dying to ask those question, but who knows what kind of answers I'll get?

* * *

><p>The next morning I go check on her the first thing, when I wake up. A thought that she might have run away has been bugging me ever since I opened my eyes.<p>

"Lacey?" I knock gently on the door to her room. No answer. "Say something or I'm coming in." When nothing happens I open the door, again thinking that she might have just made a run for it. She just escaped Regina's basement or whatever. She still here though. She's sitting in the corner of the room with her arms folded around her knees.

"Are you okay?" I ask and hurry inside to check on her. She nods slowly.

"Yes I'm okay. Just couldn't sleep in all that dark."

"You didn't sleep at all?"

"Think I slept some, but it was just too much. I'm sorry." She looks up at me, apologetic. She has taken the lace out and her hair is just as messy as yesterday.

"No don't apologize, it's okay. You hungry?" She nods vaguely.

"Come on then, let's go down and get you some breakfast. The diner doesn't open before half an hour so you can eat in peace."

"Thank you." I reach out a hand to her and she takes it. We go downstairs and I make her pancakes and eggs, and put some fruit on the plate as well. God knows what she's been eating until now.

"Here you go, pancakes and egg. The syrup is for the pancakes, but I kinda like it when it gets on everything. Try."

She eats hesitantly like she's expecting a bad surprise. Then her face lights up.

"It's good", she says.

"Good morning girls", says Granny when she enters the diner.

"'Morning gran."

"Good morning Mrs. Lucas."

"You can call me Granny like the rest of the town. Now", she walks behind the counter and stands across from Lacey. "I've been turning this over last night. I would love to let you stay Lacey, but it has to match with the books-"

"Granny!" I object.

"Not now Ruby."

"I-I can work. Here. For board and lodgin'. Or I can just go-"

"No, we can work something out", Granny says.

"Gran, she hasn't slept all night-"

"Ruby, go put the sign out, we open in fifteen minutes. And please wear more than _that_" I stay with my arms crossed over my chest in protest. I can't believe she treats Lacey like business. "Ruby go", she says in a warning tone and turns to Lacey again. "Is that true?"

"I'm sorry I just had a hard time sleepin' in the dark and I woke up in the middle of the night." Granny shakes her head and she stops talking.

"Don't apologize, girl. Go up now and try to sleep while it's light out. And take a day to get better. You can start the day after tomorrow with a single shift."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Don't Wake The Wolf**

Lacey turned out to be a great waitress. She's a little jumpy sometimes, but she's getting the hang of it. She continuously refuses to go to the hospital, but then again she seems physically fine. And she's working through her entire shift without a single complaint ever, unlike me according to dear Granny.

Granny was making her clear tables and put stuff away, but seeing how good she is with the customers, she is letting her take orders now too.

"Why can't you dress like that, Ruby?" Granny says and points to the dotted dress Lacey's wearing. She went out buying clothes by herself yesterday, after having me go with her the first time. She uses a different store than me.

"I lay off some make-up, give me a break. Why do you always have to criticize me?"

"I wouldn't have to criticize you, if you came to your senses on your own girl, now go take orders from number five, they look ready."

"I know that. Jeez." I correct my short skirt and head for the booth that is table five.

We both quickly grow fond of Lacey. I can tell Granny likes her by the way she talks to her. Granny's always been one for the tough love and she pushes Lacey to do well. I guess she does that with me too, when she's not criticizing me.

I find Lacey quite adorable. It's her accent and her cheerful attitude, I guess. And she's so good hearted and kind. Always polite towards everyone. If you didn't know you would never guess that she escaped a mental asylum just a few weeks ago. She says she thinks that's what it was. She claims she doesn't know why she was in there and I believe her. She seems stable so I can't for the life of me imagine why Regina would put her in there. I guess I'll never know, because Lacey doesn't like to talk about it too much. She says she'd rather let it be in the past and start her life from now. She had this pleading look in her blue eyes when she said it and I promised not to mention it. When people ask me where she's from I'll just say from out of town. That she moved here to get away from the big city. Most people who've lived in a small town like Storybrooke their whole life can't fathom living in a huge city where no one knows each other. That's what Granny and Ashley say. Personally I've wanted to get away from here countless times. I haven't thought of it since Lacey came into our lives though. Can't imagine abandoning her, when she has so few people in her life.

Lacey comes in while I'm sitting on my bed reading Saturday evening. I recognize her way of knocking on the door, because it's different from Granny's; softer and more hesitant. Sometimes I'm surprised Granny bothers to knock at all. Lacey's head appears in the crack of the slightly open door.

"Can I come in?" She asks.

"Sure." She walks in and sits on the bed with me. I put the book down after folding an ear on the page.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh just some old book I have. Jules Verne. You read?"

She smiles shyly and looks down. "I don't really know if I do."

"I'm sorry, I forgot."

She shakes her head. "No worries. You look so different."

I snicker. "Yeah well, it's a Saturday and I didn't have any plans so I just didn't do much."

"No, I meant I like it. It's so natural."

I shrug. "Yeah, I don't do natural so much."

"Maybe you should. We could go out just like this, I'm sure the guys'd be all over you still."

"You really think so?" I look at myself in the full size mirror. My dark hair curls a bit when I don't spent an hour straightening it. I use to have a strand of red hair in it but it's gotten too long as my hair grew so I took it out just a few days ago. I'm just wearing jeans and a light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, nothing fancy and nothing like I would ever consider leaving the house in.

"Of course. Come on, let's go crack a tinnie and I'll show you."

"Let's go what?"

"Have a beer. You have that place The Rabbit Hole, it looks like fun. What do you say?"

"I don't know…"

"Come on Ruby", she smiles encouragingly at me. I can't help but smile back.

"Okay, fine. But I'm having wine. And can I at least put my eyeliner on?"

She laughs and pulls me out of the bed. In half an hour we're ready to go. I had to at least change into high heels, but she allowed it.

I've been to The Rabbit Hole a couple of times with Ashley, my friend from back in the school days. It has a dark atmosphere somehow, but that doesn't seem to bother Lacey. She waves at the bartender and finds us a seat.

And she's right; it doesn't take long before a guy comes over. I'm standing at the counter ordering a glass of wine, when a guy leans against the counter beside me.

"Hi, I'm Billy. You're Ruby right? You work at Granny's Bed and Breakfast?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"I just saw you from over there and you… you look so different from the times I've been in there – No, it's a good change, you're really beautiful."

"Thank you", I say and flash him a wide smile. I peek over my shoulder back at Lacey, who's giving me the thumbs up. Billy tells me a bit about his work down at the car shop and I'm still a little stuck on the compliments. Lacey really nailed that. I look over my shoulder again and she's still sitting there, drinking.

"Billy I gotta get back to my friend, she looks a bit lonely over there."

"Oh sure. Perhaps I can join you?"

"Um that's… Sure come on over."

So we talk to Billy for an hour or two. He's a pretty decent guy and he's good looking. He has that golden colored skin and warm, dark eyes.

The clock turns three and we're still sitting there.

"Oh God, I have to get home, I promised Granny I would take a shift tomorrow. You want to go home Lacey?" I feel a little bad for Billy, sitting there with disappointment on his face. His hand has been gracing my jeans covered knee for the past half an hour. I think I like the attention, I'm not really used to it. I mean I am, but not like this anyway. I often flirt with customer's, but that feels more distant. It's briefer and less personal, easier to deal with somehow.

"Actually, do you mind if I stay? I promised this man Jeff that I'd play a round of pool with him."

"Um sure okay, I'll just see you tomorrow", I say and get up.

"Can I walk you home?" Billy asks.

"Okay", I say with a smile. Persistent guy.

He walks by my side the whole way and we talk about all and nothing. He compliments my hair.

"Can I just say?" I say to him. "I sort of can't believe it; my friend drags me out to prove that someone would still find me attractive when I look like I would every weekend when I stay in and then you show up and… I'm rambling I know, sorry."

Billy smiles at me. "Can I just say I'm glad your friend did that?" Then he kisses me. He's actually a bit shorter than me with the heels I'm wearing, I notice. The kiss is good though, gentle. He breaks the kiss and we both smile.

"'Night Billy", I say and he lets go of me.

"Good night Ruby."

* * *

><p>Lacey shows herself at around three o'clock the following day with a headache so bad it's painted all over her face.<p>

"Did you stay late?" I ask her and fix her up with a cup of coffee. She shrugs.

"I guess. The people are nice there. I played pool with a guy named Jeff."

"Yeah you said that. You must be so tired. I went home hours before you and I'm exhausted already. Don't tell Gran, she'll throw a fit."

Lacey smiles and shakes her head. Then a grimace crosses her face at the movement. "I won't, I promise." I go take orders from one table and clean the next, and when I come back Lacey is staring at me.

"What?" I ask.

"So, did anything happen with the guy? Billy, wasn't it?"

I don't mean to be shy about it, but the way she looks at me with that teasing smile makes me look down at the table. It's silly really, nothing happened. I look at her again and she's still smiling.

"We just kissed, that was it."

"Well that's somethin'. I told you they would be at your feet."

"I wouldn't say at my feet…"

"So are you going to see him again?"

My turn to shrug. "I don't know. He was sweet and all, but… Maybe." Lacey resigns to drink her coffee and I go on to serve tables. I didn't give him my number, but I guess he wouldn't be hard to find in this tiny town.

Billy does text me later that night. When I ask him where he got my number, he says that he ran into Ashley. I shake my head at the text, just imagining Ashley with a wicked smile on her face, gladly giving out my number to cute guys like she did, when we went to high school together, just so she could call me up and make me tell her all about it. I had a bit more game than her back in the day. In the end she caught the real deal before me and she's now living with a guy named Sean and she's pregnant. I little early if you ask me, but she's happy. We don't talk that much anymore after we stopped touring the bars of Storybrooke.

I agree to maybe meet Billy again sometime and as fate would have it Ashley calls me up and ask me all about it. I fill her in, and tell her about Lacey. She tells me a bit about the horrors of pregnancy. The conversation is pleasant, but it pretty much covers our quota of talking for the next couple of weeks. I guess we just grew apart. It doesn't leave me a lot of friends, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to get away from here. Yet I'm still here.

* * *

><p>If it wasn't for Granny's stupid budget that she has asked me to try and understand I wouldn't be up at this hour. I've been postponing it so long and before going to bed this evening I realized we were supposed to talk about it tomorrow and Gran would be furious if I showed up without as much as having looked at it. Not furious in a yelling kind of way, Granny rarely does that. More a head-shaking, disappointed-looking way, where she gives me a speech on responsibility and I cannot have that right now. So here I am at two in the night trying to understand at least a part of her damn budget. I don't know why she even bothers; I mean we all know I'm not smart enough for this. I can already hear Granny: <em>oh so you won't do the books? You think I'll leave you in charge of customer's then? Looking like that?<em> She can say what she wants, I do fine with the customers. Apart from those like old Spencer who apparently finds me offensive. Maybe I should consider toning down the outfits, just to make sure Granny won't turn me into some hopeless idiot math-monkey.

It's when I'm sitting here, despairing over the budget, that I hear to back door opening. I know it isn't Granny, I can hear her snoring. Must be Lacey. I gave her a key to the back, so she didn't have to go through the diner every time. It's all the way at the other end of our apartment on top of the diner, but I've got pretty amazing hearing. I think I can even tell that it's her by the way she's walking. Or rather stumbling, right now.

I get up to check that everything's okay and find Lacey fiddling with the keys to her own room down the hall, while fighting to stay up straight. I can smell the booze from here.

"Lacey, you okay?" I ask. She turns around at my calling and smiles. She's definitely drunk.

"I'm good, Ruby, sorry if I woke you." She reels and I hurry over to catch her.

"It's fine, I was up, looking at Granny's stupid budget. Are you drunk?" I don't even know why I ask.

"Fine, just a little tipsy. I'll be ready for work tomorrow, don't worry."

"You sure?"

"Yes, no worries." She finally gets her door open and turns around in the doorway. She stands there for a minute, looking at me like she wants to say something, but can't find the words.

"Can I ask why you're drunk on a regular night?" I ask hesitantly, afraid to upset her, but at the same time a little astounded at the thought of drinking at this time of week. Sure I've shown up hung over and a few times just still slightly drunk when I get an unexpected Sunday shift, but never on a regular week night. Granny would kill me. Or disown me. Or disown me and _then_ kill me.

"I was just playing pool with Jeff and the guys and it got a little late. It's just nice to make friends on my own, moving on in my life", she says and then adds with a smile: "Don't look so worried, you're still my favorite." She puts a hand on my arm with a soft touch. "Can we talk tomorrow Ruby, I'm a little tired."

"Um, er, sure. You sleep okay in the dark now?"

"I'm tipsy, I can sleep anywhere", she says, squeezes my arm a bit and lets go. She has a nice touch, warm and gentle. "Good night Ruby."

"Night Lacey. See you tomorrow." She nods and closes the door.

I go back to our apartment at the end of the hall, but unable to look at any more numbers. I think about Lacey being drunk on a week night and if Granny will be able to tell that she's hung over. I'm afraid she will.

It turns out Granny is too occupied with my inadequacy to notice the way Lacey shies away from bright lights and loud noises today. My lost hours of sleep do me no good when I'm facing Granny and her condemnation the following evening, after having spent the day doing it all over. I might as well have done nothing at all with it.

"Ruby, have you even put thought into this? You can't read them at all can you?" She smacks down the paper on the kitchen table.

"Well, Granny maybe I'm just too stupid, did you ever think about that?" I snarl at her.

"You're not stupid, don't be ridiculous girl. You just didn't take your time to read them, like I asked you to. What have you been doing? And don't tell me you've been working."

What had I been doing really? Hanging out with Lacey mostly. Being with her it's like time runs differently. Faster somehow.

"Just having a life Granny, is that a crime now?"

"It is when you're standing bankrupt and unable to figure out why."

"Can't you just leave me in charge of customers instead of wasting both our time trying to teach me this?"

"Leave you in charge? Girl, you can't take charge of your own silly life, I'm not leaving any customer in your hands until you are ready."

"That's nice, but you let Lacey do the stock by herself?"

"She is quick and efficient and she complains less! You did the stock-counting by yourself, but you got bored, remember?"

"I don't even know why I work here, when I'm always doing it wrong anyway!" The anger is boiling into a viscous cocktail in my gut and I get up. She ignores that, like she does every time I question my job.

"You will read these over again Ruby."

"Whatever", I say and march out, slamming the door behind me.

I walk down the back stairs and out into the lot behind the inn. Rage is roaring within me and I want to just scream and shout, howling along with the wolf I feel in my insides at times like this, but I know it does no good. I'm as mad at myself as I am at Granny.

The door opens and Lacey steps out into the lot. I can hear it by the sound of her steps.

"Ruby, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just had a fight with Granny." I snap a little, struggling to keep the urge to throw things at bay.

She gently puts hand on my arm and turns me around. Her eyes are worried and her expression soft.

"Tell me?"

I tell her about the whole thing. Reliving the argument fires up the roaring anger in the pit of my stomach. "She just can't leave it alone! Why does she keep insisting on having me learn it when I'm obviously too stupid? It's not like she hasn't tried it before!"

"Hey don't say that. I refuse to believe that you're stupid."

"It's true though", I spit and look down at the ground. I feel her finger at my chin lifting up my head to look at her. I meet her gaze and she lets the hand drop.

"Don't say that", she repeats. It's like she has a magic touch. The anger is subsiding, gently blown away by her voice.

"Fine." I sigh. "She just makes me so angry, you know? Not just pissed, but really furious. She just pushes buttons. Wakes the wolf."

"Wakes the wolf?"

"Yeah, it's this thing I compare it to, my temper. Like there is some wolf sitting in my gut, that wakes up when I get really angry and just makes it all worse. Like an inner monster or something."

"That makes sense", she smiles at me and strokes my arm softly in comfort. It helps. "It's gonna get better", she says and I nod. She hugs me and I lean my head on her shoulder, thinking that I am glad I've met Lacey. I've missed having someone to talk to when I'm having fights with Granny. I smile into the air, feeling a little better.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I thought I should add that this story will contain spoilers for several episodes from season two and the ending for season one. And also if you haven't watched season two you might feel confused at times.**

**And I got my first review, so excited! Please keep them coming it would totally make my day**

**Chapter 3: Whatever Keeps You Up At Night **

It happens again another night the next week. This time I'm just up surfing the internet and forgetting the time, when I hear her. I walk out into the hall.

"Lacey, where you out again?" I internally kick myself for the obvious question. I don't know what else to say.

"But I don't have a shift 'till two tomorrow, so it's okay right?" Her slurred voice suggests that she is more than tipsy and she's swaying from side to side. She almost falls over and drops her keys. I lean forward and catch her. She regains balance, but doesn't let go of me. Instead she smiles at me and says: "I like these late night encounters." I don't know what to respond. There's something in her eyes, something intense and I look away. "It's okay, right?" She repeats, when I say nothing.

"Sure, I'm just a little… worried." I force myself to look up again.

"Hey, don't worry about me", she says in a soft soothing voice. "It won't interfere with my work, I promise." Her blurry voice makes her words a little muffled, and I don't quite trust them. I don't tell her that though.

"Lacey, are you really okay?" I ask her. She smiles and nods.

"I'm great. A few drinks just make me sleep better that's all. I'm gonna go to bed, see you tomorrow." She gives me that squeeze again and lets me go. I stand in the hall for a while after she's closed the door. I can't shake the feeling of being worried and I don't really take comfort in the fact that she's drinking to help her sleep. Maybe I should suggest she go see Doctor Hopper.

I never do though. The next day she is up and smiling, serving coffee and salads to people. Mary Margaret Blanchard and David Nolan are sitting in a corner looking like a newly made couple, not able to take their eyes of each other. I have rarely talked to Mary Margaret, but I feel like on some level we know each other. I know I barely know her, she a teacher at the school and she's roommate with Emma Swan, the new girl, but other than that I don't know much. Still I feel like we're familiar with one another, in another life maybe, if I believed that stuff. I get that feeling sometimes, like something is wrong. Maybe that's why I've always felt so out of place.

Lacey covers a slight yawn with her sleeve. She sees me watching her, and smiles cheerfully. If I didn't know better I would never suggest she'd been up drinking all night. Of course she did say she only had a couple of drinks. Maybe I'm overreacting. I ask her about it when our shifts are over.

"Can I ask you something Lacey?"

"Sure", she says and sits down on the bench beside me. We're just putting up the last couple of chairs and taking in the sign.

"How do you sleep at night? I mean it's been nearly two months and last night you said that you needed to drink to sleep."

"No, I sleep okay. The drinks do help, but I can sleep without them."

"Because if you couldn't you'd tell me right? I just think that we've gotten, you know, close, so if anything was wrong-"

"-I would tell you. Definitely. And yes I also think we've become close." She smiles, a warm smile with a hint of something I can't quite place. "I'm glad I ran into you that night."

"Me too", I say and return the smile.

* * *

><p>Billy turned up at my door a couple of days after asking if I wanted to go out with him. I told him yes because I couldn't see why not, which lead to me sitting here at a restaurant eating a rather fancy meal and listening to Billy talk. He's telling a story about some crazy customer he had the other day.<p>

"So he just starts yelling at me for no reason at all, I mean I changed the tires for free, because sure it was our mistake, but he just won't calm down. He starts going after my friend who just put away the flat ones, yelling like some maniac. So I'm thinking, man or mouse, Billy? And I go for him, I cut him off, throw him out of the shop and… I'm talking too much, aren't I?"

At the change in his voice I swing back into focus.

"What? No no, please tell your story. So you threw him out?"

"Yeah, well", and he goes on to tell what then happened and somehow I lose focus again. I can't even remember what their mistake was in the first place. There is something that bothers me about finding Lacey coming home so late. I mean everyone can forget the time, I do that sometimes myself, but drinking alone? Isn't that supposed to be a bad sign? I don't know how often she does it, but it seems like quite a bit. Maybe I'm overreacting, I mean I have done my fair share of drinking; it evolves into a habit I think.

Still, something I saw in her face worries me.

Billy calls for the bill. He's really a gentleman, won't even let me look at it, but pays for the whole thing. I'm not used to guys treating me so nicely. It used to be 'I buy you a drink, but I'll expect something in return'. Billy just leans over the table, takes my hand and says: "You're really beautiful Ruby."

I smile, not sure what to say. I've taken Lacey's advice of toning the whole outfit down a bit. To Granny's utter relief. I'm starting to feel comfortable in it.

His hand if more rough than Lacey's I notice, but of course a man's hand would be. And he has such a nice face. I sit there, looking at him, smiling at his compliments, somewhat realizing, that that's it. He has a nice face and he's a gentleman. I don't feel anything. I think I used to, but it's gone now. So when he asks me if I want to go for a walk, I say no, using the early shifts as an excuse, even though Granny has made Lacey take half of them. It's cheaper to use us that the few other girls she has working for her. I rarely talk to them, so I don't know what they think of it.

"You know, I have to be up and ready really early. I'm sorry, I probably should have told you this, when you asked me out."

He smiles. I can tell he's a little disappointed, but he tries to hide it. "No, it's okay. At least let me walk you home."

So I let him. I'm about to say goodnight, when he pulls me in and kisses me. In that moment I try all I can to dig out some emotion, search for the kick I'm supposed to get out of this. I think to myself, why can't I just fall for this guy? He's so sweet and gentle, he not an idiot from the bar like former boyfriends, but I still feel nothing.

I'm determined not to let him see my own disappointment, so I smile at him and stroke his arm.

"Night Billy."

"Can I see you again?"

"Um... Sure, we'll figure something out."

He smiles genuinely and the sight stabs me with guilt.

"Good night then Ruby."

I let go of him and walk inside, through the diner. Granny hasn't even gone to sleep yet. She's standing behind the counter, cleaning it like some senior bartender.

"Well, you're home early. You know it's Lacey's early shift, don't you?"

"Yeah I know", I say and try to avoid eye contact. Sometimes she sees right through me and I can't handle a third degree questioning right now. Rather I feel like throwing something. My frustration is building in my gut, and I feel like it might end up suffocating me at some point.

"How was your date?"

"It was great. Night Granny."

"Suit yourself", she says in a low voice, but I hear it and I think she knows. Then she adds: "Good night, Ruby."

* * *

><p>"So?"<p>

I'm sitting in the empty, closed diner, looking at Granny's stock counting, when Lacey comes sneaking in.

"So what?"

"Your date with Billy? You decided to see him again?" She sits down in front of me with an expression that tells me I won't get off until she has heard every detail. I'm happy to put down the papers, but I wish she wouldn't talk about Billy. It's hard to talk about something, on which your own feelings are unclear.

"He asked, so I said yes. It was fine."

She is having none of that, so I tell her how we sat in a restaurant and he told me stories from work and I told a few of the diner. I tell her what the place was like and what we ate.

"You don't sound too excited", she says, her eyes still fixated on mine.

I shrug. "I don't know. I guess I don't really feel that _kick_, you know? It's a shame, because he's such a great guy, I mean he's sweet and all, but… that's it."

"Yeah I get it. Um, I think. It's not like I have a lot to compare with."

"Right, sometimes I forget that you don't have any memories." Honestly, I I'm starting to forget it. At first I thought about it all the time, but now that Lacey has settled in so well and seems so fine I kind of forget. Now I think about the drinking.

"I know, it's weird. But um… Why did you kiss him then? If you don't really feel it?"

"I don't know, I mean, he started it and… I didn't want to upset him."

"You're such a good person Ruby", she tells me with a small smile. Then she gets up.

"Do you want to go out for a few drinks?"

I shake my head. "I might run into him. I told him I had the early shift. Which reminds me, _you_ have the early shift. Sure you should be going out?"

"Oh right", she says shaking her head at herself. "I forgot. Better stay then." So instead we sit and talk until midnight. Despite the fact that Lacey doesn't have that many stories to share she seems to be quite the talker. It's fascinating to hear her speak. I don't think I've ever known anyone with such light in their eyes when they talk. Or with that accent for that matter. It's endearing really and I'm not sure why it fascinates me that much. Either way I let her talk.

A little after midnight we part, but when I lie in my bed ready to sleep I could swear that's the sound of our back door opening. My good ears tell me that Lacey has gone again, but my brain tells me, she said she wouldn't. I'm probably half asleep already, hearing things.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Welcome To The Rabbit Hole **

I hear her coming in again. It wakes me up. I must be listening for it on some subconscious level, because most nights I wake up around four or five and I hear the vague sound of Lacey's footsteps and I know that she's been out again. It's most days in a week now. It can't be about playing pool with the guys anymore and if it's to help her sleep, that wouldn't make it any less disturbing. I don't get up this time even though I want to. Instead I promise myself that I have to make her stop.

The following night the diner is bursting with people, celebrating that Emma has won the run for sheriff. She seems great, Emma, and I'm definitely more content with her as sheriff rather than that Sidney Glass. I think he's like a minion of Regina's; it seems like that when they talk to each other in here. I don't like anything the mayor does really, although we have no proof that it was actually her who locked Lacey up. Regina is almost never in here, only briefly to pick up Henry and she and Lacey have never met. I wonder what would happen if they did? I'm not even sure Lacey would recognize her, but the other way around for sure. Most likely Regina would ignore it; I mean what can she do now, unless she wants to go to prison? I wish I could talk to the guy who freed Lacey, but none of us knows who he is.

Lacey's quiet tonight and as soon as her shift ended she disappeared in her room. Of course she doesn't know the town like Granny and I do, but she doesn't seem to want to either. Not these days anyway. She's too tired from all the drinking maybe.

When the diner clears out and I go check on her, her room is empty. So she has gone already. Early this time. Or maybe she just went for a walk. I ought to give her a change.

The chance lasts a few hours.

The music from The Rabbit Hole is audible all the way from across the street. I've had it. I'm gonna just go in there and tell Lacey to stop with the drinking. I'm gonna take her home and have her explain to me what's going on. I can't deny the problem anymore. The wolf is roaring angrily in my gut, cheering me on.

At the same time I'm somewhat nervous about what I'm going to find.

I walk hesitantly inside and take a look around. Lacey is nowhere to be seen, so I walk up to the bar.

"Good evening, beautiful", the bartender says. First I think that he's a creep, but a second look on his friendly face tells me that he means no offence. He's washing off the counter just as I always imagine them do in stereotype.

"Hi, I'm… Looking for someone."

"You're gonna have to be a little more specific there, beautiful", he says and pours a large beer for someone sitting at the counter. The guy receiving the beer spares me a glance then turns around again.

"It's Ruby. Her name is Lacey, she's, um, a little shorter than me, has dark curly hair, pretty blue eyes and a foreign accent. Is she in here?"

"That does sounds an awful lot like Lacey. She's over there by the pool table. Has been here a lot lately."

"Yes, I figured. Thank you."

"Anytime."

Just as I turn around I hear Lacey's voice, shouting something. I catch her attention.

"Lacey! What are you doing?"

"I'm playin' pool. Come join me." She has a smile plastered to her face, but she's so drunk she can hardly stand still without tilting.

"We are going home now because you have the early shift, remember?"

"Can't you just tell her I'm sick?"

"Oh you are sick Lacey, sick at pool. Quit kicking my ass!" Some guy yells. He's probably as drunk as she is.

"Lacey, now", I say.

"Stop muckin' around Ruby and leave me alone. I'm winnin'!"

After several attempts to get her to come with me I give up. Still I can't bring myself to leave her so I sit at the counter with the bartender and wait until she drops. At five a.m. she staggers over to the counter and almost throws herself onto it.

"Martin! Last round."

"I think you've had enough now Lacey. Let your friend here take you home."

Lacey turns her head and looks surprised at the sight of me sitting there.

"Ruby, you're still here?"

"Yes. Can we go now?"

"One more."

"She won't have just one more you know", Martin says. "That girl's bottomless when it comes to booze."

"But she doesn't have any money", I say, horrified at a sudden thought: What if she has stolen them from me or Granny? With all that she has supposedly been drinking over the past weeks – and I know it's been weeks, because I noticed the signs – she must have spent a lot.

"She has some, but she mostly gets guys to pay for her. Wins it at pool and such. That one over there must be close to broke." He points out the guy who was playing pool with her a couple of hours ago.

This still means she has taken some. Unless the small salary she gets paid in cash in addition to broad and lodging covers it. Granny decided to give her a little extra when she gave her the morning shift. Granny really likes her.

Lacey is staring at me with dreamy eyes.

"You're really pretty", she says. I am somewhat pissed off at her for stealing our money and making me take her shift tomorrow, not to mention the fact that she's drinking this much though she claimed to be fine, but still her comment makes me smile, even though I try not to.

"Let's get you home." I sneak an arm around her waist, which is a little uncomfortable since she's shorter than me, but it's the only way I can keep her steady.

"Good night, Martin was it?" I say and try to walk out the door with Lacey dragging her feet and talking black.

"Yeah. Good night Ruby. Give Lacey my best, when she's conscious again."

I try to sneak Lacey in without waking Granny. She will throw a fit if she sees how drunk Lacey is. I'm not sure I manage to stay quiet with Lacey already half asleep and no help at all when it comes to dragging her down up the stairs. I find her key in her bra and take it out. It's a weird feeling to be touching her breast like this, even if it is just for a tiny moment and I feel a kind of heat in my gut. I shake it off and get her inside. It doesn't take long to realize that I can't leave her like this, so after I put her into bed I get in on the other side and sleep there for whatever few hours I have left before I have to get up and cover for her. There is no way she'll be ready at seven a.m.

* * *

><p>"It's not your problem, Ruby leave it alone. I'm fine." Lacey puts away the last plates and turns around to face me. Her voice is low. Probably because she doesn't want Granny to hear.<p>

"No, you're not. Lacey I'm worried. You look like you haven't slept in days and you stay out every night, it's not healthy."

"Neither's bein' locked in an asylum for god knows how many years. At least I get fresh air now." That concludes the conversation. Her eyes are on fire when she looks at me right before turning on her heel and leaving the diner. I'm stunned into silence. She never talks to me like that. Not long after I hear the door to her room closing and I know I won't get through to her tonight.

The next morning she's up taking her morning shift, smiling at me, but I notice the lack of energy in her every movement.

She's keeping a distance though, and maybe it's just paranoia, but I get the feeling she doesn't want to talk to me. The only time she speaks to me that day is when the late shift is over and she taps me on the shoulder.

"Lacey, I-" But she stops me.

"Please don't, Ruby. Just wanted to say that Billy's standin' outside asking for you."

I look up and see him waving at me through the glass. I sigh and get up. Reluctantly I go out to meet him. He moves in for a kiss that I can't bring myself to return.

"Is there something wrong Ruby? You haven't answered me for the last week."

I sigh again. Even before I open my mouth I can see it in his face. He knows what I'm about to say.

"Look, Billy, you're a really great guy, I mean that."

"Oh, that's never good."

"I'm sorry, it's just that, I don't think I'm putting as much into this as you are and I don't want to do that to you. I don't know how else to explain it."

His turn to sigh. I can't stand that hurt, disappointed look on his face. I hate letting people down.

"Did I do something? Just tell me."

"No", I say and shake my head to emphasize. "You did good, It's not that. I just don't feel it, I'm sorry."

"Well, I guess I have to thank you for being honest."

"I'm sorry", I repeat.

"Don't be", he says and smiles a bit. It conceals his hurt poorly and I feel horrible. The wolf isn't roaring this time, it's whimpering.

"I really wish it worked, please believe that."

He nods. "I guess I'll see you around then. I have to go." He turns around and leaves. I stand there for a minute, watching him go while trying to understand just why I don't feel anything other than guilt.

* * *

><p>I try to honor Lacey's wish for me to let her problem be her problem, but that's just it. How is it just her problem, when I'm up worrying about her anyway? The staying away only lasts one night, the one after that I get dressed at three o'clock at night and go down to the Rabbit Hole again. I'm greeted by Martin.<p>

"Hello again, beautiful. Looking for Lacey?"

I nod. "Yeah, she's here right?"

"Always is these days. Just over there by the pool table." It comes into vision when you're standing at the counter, but concealed from the door. Lacey is taking a shot. She's wearing that dotted dress, I notice. She looks good in it.

"That girl can really play", Martin says, interrupting my thoughts. "Fools decided to play her for drinks. Lacey never spends a dime." I guess that's good, because that means she's not stealing money from us.

"I should take her home."

"You can try, but my guess is you'll end up like last time."

I smile vaguely at him and walk over to the table. When Lacey sees me a smile appears on her lips.

"Ruby! What're you doin' here again?"

"I've come to take you home. Look, I know you said that it's not my problem, but it is! So please come home with me."

"_Come home with me_", one of the guys playing with her says in a mocking impression of my voice. "That's hot."

"Shut up Mikey", Lacey says and shoots another ball. It hits home right away and the men yell words that are impossible to interpret.

"Lacey?" I say and she finally looks at me.

"No Ruby, I'm just havin' fun. I'll come home and sleep in a few hours."

"It's three o'clock Lacey!"

"Just till the end of the game then, okay?" That irritable voice and spark in her eyes are returning. I nod reluctantly and sit by the bar watching her. Even when the game is finished it takes another argument to get her home. And not before she gets her reward drink.

"Just something to sleep on", she says and offers me some. I shake my head, deciding not to speak. I'd rather not say mean things right now that will make her not come home at all. Instead I keep it in, let it boil and use it for strength when I drag her up the stairs one more time.

The pattern continues. It's not always the same Lacey I'm met with though. Last night she was obviously annoyed, but tonight she's sweet and almost flirtatious.

"Can't I just buy you a drink, while you wait for us to finish the tournament? I can win you the next one", she says. She's standing so close that it takes my focus away from what she's actually saying to me. I notice how good she smells. She's playing with my hair and touching my arm, while talking and I have to recall her words one more time to answer correctly. I say no. She's standing over me as I sit by the bar and there's a lock of her curly hair that falls into her face a lot. I keep wanting to reach up and gently tug it away, thinking about touching her face, but I'm afraid to. There's a kind of heat in my stomach again.

Eventually she's off to play another round of pool and I'm left sitting here, watching her.

The next morning she's once again refusing to talk and I'm out bringing her home the following night, this time more mad than before. There no flirtation in the air this time.

"It's your early shift for god's sake Lacey!"

"I'll just take a sickie", she says and drinks on. I snap the glass from her, which brings the fire back in her eyes and I'm in for another hour of trying to persuade her to come home. At one point I think about just leaving her, but as I grab my jacket I can't bring myself to put it on. I can't leave her. She's driving me crazy, but I can't leave. What if something happened? I doubt she can find her way back to the inn.

I finally get her home, get her out of her clothes, feeling way too self-conscious about undressing her, but there's no way she'll be able to do that herself. I hold her hair while she throws up and standing there over the toilet with her I realize I can't leave her now either. So I sneak out to get some of my stuff and sneak back into her room. She has only managed to crawl into the bed. I get into the other side of it. This way I can at least make sure she doesn't drown in her own vomit or something equally horrifying. The wolf rages on, but it's not as strong as before. It wants to hate her just a little bit, but I can't.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Liquid Monsters **

I'm sitting at my desk trying to understand some of budget pieces Granny has ask me to read again – she is apparently very determined this is something I need to be learning – when there's knocking on my door.

"Ruby, you in there?" It's Lacey. Lately, it's like she's everywhere. In the diner, in my head, at The Rabbit Hole, where I've dragged her out for the better part of a week. The worst part is I don't even think I mind. I'm just worried.

"Yeah, I'm here."

She opens the door. There's an expression on her face that has me up from my chair in a second. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, I just… need to talk to you."

"Sure, come sit down." She sits on my bed and I join her. She's biting her bottom lip, hesitating.

"Do you remember when we talked about you havin' a bad temper and you said you feel rage in your stomach like it's an inner monster?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I've an inner monster too. I think it's booze." She's not looking at me, but instead fiddling with the end of the long shirt I'm wearing.

"I knew that", I say as I watch her fiddle with my clothes, almost hypnotized by it. Then I say: "I've been helping you home from The Rabbit hole for the past week." This makes her look up.

"Every night?"

"Almost. You don't remember?" She shakes her head and look down again. "I get you into bed without Granny noticing and sometimes I sleep there with you just to make sure you're okay. And I've been covering your morning shifts."

She nods. "I know that. And I remember that you've been there in the mornin'. I like that you're there. Thanks Ruby." She meets my gaze. Her blue eyes are full of emotion.

"Why do you drink Lacey?"

She shrugs. "I'm not sure. At first it helped with the nightmares and that feelin' of bein' locked up that I can't shake. Now I just… drink to drown my thoughts I guess."

"Can't you stop?"

"I don't know. I'I can try, but I don't know. Will you promise not to tell your grandmother yet? I'll do better." Her eyes are pleading and it's just heartbreaking somehow.

"I won't tell her. Will you promise to try and stop then?"

She nods. "I promise to try." She takes my hand. It feels like a current coming of her skin and into mine. "Thanks Ruby", she says again. I nod, somehow unable to form words, but I look up and smile at her.

"It's gonna be okay", I assure her.

And the next night it is okay. She's smiling at me, she stays in and she is taking her morning shift, smiling at the customer's too. She talks with David Nolan and for a long time. He's with Mary Margaret, but still he's sitting here talking to Lacey, laughing with her, almost flirting. My own inner monster starts roaring at me to throw him out for acting like that. I'm putting plates away at the counter, but every so often my gaze wanders to them, still standing there. Lacey is leaning on the table and do they really have to stand that close? Lacey looks up and catches my eyes. Her facial expression changes, but I turn around too quickly to interpret it.

The day after that Lacey is looking sick. She claims nothing is wrong, but I know she hasn't slept all night. The night after she's gone, cutting her shift short without saying why. But I know. So at midnight I go down to The Rabbit Hole and find Lacey at the pool table.

"Good evening, beautiful", Martin says, like he does most evenings.

"Hi Martin."

"You sound tired, sweetheart. It's only midnight. You usually keep it going until four or five, what's the matter?"

"I had a talk with Lacey about her drinking the other day. She promised me to try and stop. It lasted two days."

Martin smiles sympathetically. "Don't beat yourself up about it. Go home and sleep for a bit and come back for her in a few hours, if you insist on taking her home."

"What am I supposed to do, just let her wander out alone and hope she finds her way?"

"That's the case for most of the others. They're always back the next night."

I say nothing and glance over at Lacey instead. She hasn't seen me yet. I couldn't possibly leave her alone, how could I? The sleep was a problem, and the nagging thought that someday she might drink too much and pass out in the toilet, but I didn't mind bringing her home.

"If I start coming in later, will you make sure she's okay?"

"I will. Can I ask you something Ruby?" He puts glasses aside and lean on the counter, like he means to talk serious.

"Sure."

"Why is it always you in here? Doesn't she have any family?"

"Not that I know of. She came to me one night and now she lives at Granny's bed and breakfast and works there." I don't know how many personal details I should tell Martin, but it seems to be enough for him.

"She must be grateful to have you then."

"I think so."

"She really means a lot to you, huh? The amount of time you put into this. And you never stop watching her, like you're afraid she's gonna bail or something."

"She does", I just say and smile a bit. She really does.

* * *

><p>I start coming in later, around four o'clock when she's so drunk she can't put up a fight. I say hello to Martin and go for the pool table.<p>

"Oh Lacey, it's your girlfriend coming to get you!" One of the guys yells with a blurry voice.

"Leave her alone Jeff", Martin shouts from behind the counter.

"Come on Lacey, time to go home", I say in a stern voice that I've learned gets her drunken attention and keeps the rage in my gut from boiling over. I'm always mad when I walk in the door and sad when I walk out.

"No, already?"

"Yes, already. Come on." I put her in her coat and put an arm around her shoulder.

"One more?" She asks with pleading eyes.

"No Lacey, it's enough!" She doesn't say anymore, but wraps her arm around my waist silently and let me walk her out.

She is getting better at being quiet when I get her into the house. She's a little clearer tonight than the past two nights and it doesn't take as long to get her inside. Her warm body is pressed against mine seeking something to hold on to while I find her keys. At this moment the anger and most of the sadness is gone. I get her in and she takes her coat and shoes off by herself, and then crawls into bed. This is one of the days where I'm not afraid to leave her alone.

"Won't you stay?" She asks when my hand is on the door knob. "I sleep better when you're here." I stand there for a minute and sigh.

"Okay then. But then you take your own morning shift tomorrow."

"All right." She's almost asleep as soon as I lie down. I don't sleep when I'm in here. I remember the guy, Jeff, calling me her girlfriend. He's a drunk, worse off than Lacey, but his words stick. It's teasing me or mocking me. Or tempting me, I'm not sure which. _I like that you're there_ she said when she told me about her abuse. So I lay there, listening to the sound of her breathing, afraid to look at her.

* * *

><p>The diner is finally empty and it always gives me hope, when Lacey hasn't left yet. Granny is up in our apartment doing the counts, so we're alone in the diner.<p>

"Lacey, will you please stay home tonight?" I ask her. She's standing with her back to me putting away dishes.

"I can't Ruby."

"You promised me you would try to stop", I say walking up to the counter. Lacey turns around with a twirl that expresses anger. Her eyes are full of despair.

"I do try! I try every night _not_ to go, but I can't Ruby! I don't know how to stop myself. Believe me, nothin' would make me happier than to not be the one to make your face look like that. But I don't know how to stop." She puts in the last dish with a rough movement that makes a hell of a noise. Then she leaves the diner. I know she'll take the back entrance tonight; she does that whenever she knows I'm down here, because I won't let her pass. The tears in my eyes spill over and I rest my head on my hands, crying into them. Somehow I long for that time, where I didn't know Lacey and I didn't have to feel like this every night. Back when it was me who came home late and drunk, and complained about headaches in the morning. Not that Lacey ever complains.

Granny comes down. I don't look up, but I can hear it in the footsteps.

"What's wrong girl?" She puts an arm around me. "You two had a fight?"

I sniffle and try to dry my eyes.

"It's nothing. Never mind." She probably knows I'm lying, but she doesn't say anything, just stands there stroking my hair and my back.

I sigh and sniffle again. I can't bring myself to wish I never met her. And I don't miss the fights with Granny. Our relationship has gotten better over the past couple of months. At least that's something good that's come out of Lacey being here.

"Go to bed, girl", Granny says softly. I nod and get up. I will have to sneak out at four o'clock tonight anyway, so the sooner I get to bed the better.

There's even more fury in my voice, when I pick Lacey up that night. She doesn't ague, when I say it's time to go, but follows obediently. The same roll of emotions come over me as I pick her up, walk her home and put her to bed. Nothing ever changes. But I don't stay with her tonight and she doesn't ask.

And Granny never asks what it was all about.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: We Need Help **

One night after I bring her home, she sits up in her bed instead of lying down and going to sleep. I've just taken her shoes off and is about to go to myself – I don't sleep in here with her anymore – when she grips my arm by the wrist.

"I know it's bad, Ruby. I can't beat my inner monster. And I lied, I can't sleep without it. Help me." I stand there staring down into her face and her glossy eyes and don't know what to do. Does AA even exist in our town? "Help me", she whispers again. It's heartbreaking to listen to.

I cup her face in my hands. "I'll help you, Lacey. I'll figure something out", I say to her and stroke away the tear running down her cheek.

The next morning every shred of the pleading girl gripping my wrist in the middle of the night is gone, replaced by a defensive, irritable Lacey.

"I don't need AA, Ruby, just because I get emotional at night, people do that. Just give me some time, I can beat this thing by myself."

"Well the _drunk_ version of you doesn't seem to think so!" I hiss at her. She throws the clothes she was folding down on the bed and crosses her arms. She almost never does that. It's like she's a different person these days. "Will you just go to one meeting? Please? I talked to Doctor Whale and he-"

"You told people about this? You _promised_".

"I promised I wouldn't tell Gran and I haven't. But last night _you_ asked me for help and I've spent the entire day trying to freaking find the AA people-"

"I don't care! I'm not goin'."

"Lacey, please." I try not to let my voice break, but it's like she has turned to stone or something. She's just standing there, looking at me. Only her eyes betray her and reveal some kind of emotion in the glossiness, but she refuses to give in. That much is clear.

"Just go Ruby. Please."

"Fine", I snarl and march out. I barely get two steps out of her room before the tears are blurring my vision, but I refuse to acknowledge them until my door is safely closed behind me. I want to slam it, but at the same time I'm trying to keep up the façade for Granny. I sit down on my bed, hopelessly thinking that it's hardly worth it anymore. I feel like I'm watching Lacey drowning everything that's great about her in a thousand of bottles of booze and somehow she's dragging me down with her.

* * *

><p>Henry and Emma are in here today, much like the usual, but Henry sounds agitated.<p>

"Look at this, _this_ is where she cast the curse. Maybe there's something in this part that can help Operation Cobra."

"Kid, look, let's just eat, okay? I have to get you back to your mom soon."

Henry's on about the book again. He sounds a little desperate today. I know the feeling. He's always reading that book every time I see him in here, even before Emma came to live here. She used to stay at the inn, but it was for a short time. She looks a little desperate too. I know Henry has this vivid imagination where everyone is a fairytale character. I've wondered sometimes who he thinks I am, but I haven't asked. Granny said he's seeing Doctor Hopper about it and it's not good to humor him too much in this fantasy or so she said. I don't want to make things worse. Honestly, today I don't feel that interested.

They leave soon thereafter and slowly, one by one the diner empties. I sit behind the counter, too tired to go anywhere. I'm looking at the clock counting the hours until the shift ends, the shift that I've taken over for Lacey. I pull myself together long enough to attend to the last customer and then fall back into one of the booths, knowing that Lacey has already left for the Rabbit Hole.

I don't even hear Granny until she's standing right behind me, which just proves how tired I am.

"Ruby, Lacey has missed her shift again." Slowly I look up. Gran is standing over me with her arms crossed. She has a look on her face and I know at once that all my attempts to downplay Lacey's alcohol addiction have failed. So many nights of trying to sneak her back into the inn and covering her morning shifts at the diner, and I still haven't learned that my grandmother have eyes and ears everywhere in the building.

"You know, don't you?"

"That Lacey is drinking? Yes I know. I want to give that girl a chance, but I'm running out of patience here, Ruby. Either you get her into the AA or I will. And she likes you better than me."

I sigh. "I'll go get her."

Granny smiles in spite of the solemnity of the situation. "I know. You take good care of her, Ruby."

I don't feel like I am, but I offer her a tired smile at the compliment either way.

To my surprise Lacey's not playing pool when I get there. Of course it's only eight o'clock, many hours before I usually arrive. I find Lacey at the bar with an empty beer bottle beside her and Martin hovering over her. At second look I realize she's crying.

She looks up when I reach the counter and then down again.

"Shit", she whispers. It's a new thing to hear her curse. Martin nods silently at me and leaves us alone. She sniffles and then looks at me again. "I'll go okay? I'll go." The sound of her voice breaks my heart. I close the distance between us and put my arms around her. She cries into my chest. "I just watched all of them sitting there, drinking and laughing and I just couldn't." She sniffles and talks again in a more controlled voice. "I don't drink 'cause it's fun, I drink 'cause I can't stop. I'll go to a meeting Ruby, I mean it. I need help."

"Yes you do. It's okay, we'll get through it", I say into her hair. I let her go and look into her tear-soaked face. Even now it's beautiful. "Let's go home Lacey, we'll make some calls tomorrow, okay?" I dare stretch out a hand and wipe a falling tear away.

She nods and stands up to hug me tight. I can feel her breath against my neck and it does crazy things with the heat blossoming in my stomach. So does it when she pulls away, looks me into the eyes and says: "You're so great." She doesn't wait for an answer, but wraps one arm around my waist like when I walk her home, only this time she's keeping herself steady. This time I feel weak.

* * *

><p>A couple of days after that Lacey attended her first AA meeting. I sat at a bench outside the whole time waiting for her, because she asked me if I would. It has become a thing, I usually pick her up after the meetings and we walk home together, when it's not interfering with my shift. Sitting here I've got a good look into the drunken part of the town. Leroy is here too, that grumpy guy who is friends with Mary Margaret and I've met Doctor Whale a couple of times. Neither of them are particularly chatty, so I have a lot of time to think. I feel like I think too much these days.<p>

During the first week Lacey was unbelievably irritable, which made me sad, but she's becoming better now. Her lovely self is returning. The first week I got a little jab of fear every time the door opened; now I look forward to it.

Even though Lacey has started going to the AA I still can't sleep at night. I wake up several times, convinced that I've heard her coming home. Sometimes I even have to go out into the hallway to check. She's never there though, she resisting.

Today when the door opens I see Lacey talking to some guy in there I don't recognize. She gives him a gentle hug and walks out. There have been tears on her face I see at once; her cheeks are wet from their tracks.

"What-"I ask, but stop when she just keeps walking close to me and throws her arms around my neck. I say nothing more, but stand still with my arms around her and a growing anxiety where the wolf normally lies. I want to look at her face and ask her what happened, but at the same time I don't want to let her go.

She sighs deeply and makes a move to let go of me. "It was just so hard today", she says.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask and tuck a curly strand of hair away from her face. There is something about those kinds of moves, touching her this way that feels out of the ordinary. Like it crosses some line between being friendly and being something else, but I figure the tears calls for moves like that. She doesn't seem to mind.

Lacey shakes her head. "No. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

She gives me a tired smile and takes my hand.

"Thank you for bein' here Ruby."

"Of course", I say and look at our fingers. She lets go again.

"Think I need to make an appointment with Doctor Hopper. About my sleepin' problems. I just talked to my sponsor who'd had the same problem the first time he started drinkin'. Will you help me?"

I don't like the sound of 'the first time he started', the thought of relapse scares me, but I snap out of it and nod at her. "Of course I will." I pull another strand of hair out of her face, feeling brave today.

On the way home Lacey asks if I would sleep in her room tonight, which makes me freeze to the spot and I thinks she notices.

"I mean, just sleep next to me. I've just slept so horribly for the last week without the booze. Nathan – my sponsor – said it might be a good idea. He always took comfort in his wife." Did he now? I think to myself. The thought of sleeping beside her is somewhat terrifying.

She's fiddling with her jacket as she talks, having trouble with the buttons. Her hands are shaking just a little bit and I realize she's in a kind of withdrawal. I can't deny her comfort.

"Um sure, let's have a sleepover", I say, trying not to wonder if she just compared me to her friends wife.

"Great, thanks."

"No problem."

We walk in silence until we reach the diner, where Granny is still putting away dishes. She hasn't said a word about me being less helpful with the cleaning, now that I've been picking up Lacey.

"Hi girls, good meeting today?" She asks and Lacey utters a thin "It was a little hard, but okay." Granny nods in understanding and lets us be.

So that night I set up camp in Lacey's room. It feels different because she's dry as a bone and those dreamy eyes that she used to look at me with late at night are suddenly clear. It makes me nervous. Fortunately she's beat from whatever was so horrible today, so she turns in early and falls asleep almost instantly. I, on the other hand, lie awake for hours to come, listening to her soft breathing. It's a little different when her system isn't pumped full of alcohol. Softer. She's so close to me that when she turns, her hand slides over and touches my arm. There's that heat again. I know I won't be getting any kind of sleep tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So I had some time to spare so you guys get another chapter today. I'm really curious to know what you think so far!**

**Chapter 7: That Heat**

She starts seeing Doctor Hopper once a week and the AA meetings are thrice a week. For the last week she has gone by herself. Said she needed to do it on her own. I miss it, picking her up and walking home with her whether it's in silence or while she tells me everything she learned that day. She has a sponsor who's really good to her and I try not to pry too much, but on some level I don't like that he is spending more time with her than me. I don't even know the guy; all I know is that his name is Nathan. I see the changes though. Her energy is coming back, the warm smile is returning to her face. She looks less haunted.

It offers my soul some peace to know that there are people helping her now that not everything is up to me, dragging her home every night, always afraid something might happen to her, when she had drunken her senses away. Now she's constantly around people. It's good, but at the same time it makes me feel lonely. I used to be the only one she talks to, now it feels a little like those AA-folks are stealing her away. She had a long conversation with Leroy the other day, at that time where most had gone home and the diner almost done for the day. At that time she would usually sit down and talk with me, but not last night. I catch myself with these thoughts and feel guilty. I should be happy for her. I don't know when I started feeling so possessive; it's a whole new thought pattern, one I don't particularly like.

On the other hand now that Lacey is at a distance, the rest of the town is coming into focus. I start paying attention to the gossip, I saw Ashley once, briefly. Most of the talk is about Emma and her war with Regina. I keep thinking about Henry, when people talk about it. The poor kid is trapped between to mothers, who obviously hate each other. Henry has always been a strange kid, but he's sweet and he shouldn't be a victim of this. Of course I don't tell Emma that, when she's in here at night drinking and planning her next move. Henry really adores her, that much is obvious and he's had problems connecting with Regina. It's a lot of desperation. I feel like I've come to know desperation in the last weeks, so I do what I can to not get in the way or help with what I can. Mostly that means lying to Regina about seeing Emma and Henry together, but I'm happy to do that part. I can't forgive Regina for locking up Lacey, no matter the reason.

Tonight Lacey's at her twenty second AA meeting. I count them, even though I don't go with her anymore. She has gone for little over a month. It's been a hard month for her. I know she slipped one time during the first week, but I didn't have to go get her from the Rabbit Hole, so that's something. I just hope it lasts. I don't know if I can function otherwise.

"Ruby, you here? I want to show you somethin'!" Her voice comes from down the hall. I jump, startled at her voice. It takes a second to realize that it's early evening, not three o'clock at night and her voice isn't blurry.

I open my door and see her approaching with a huge smile on her face. She is holding something shiny in her hands.

"I did it, look! It's my AA-coin. One month sober" She puts it in my hand so I can see. I pull into my room to get better light. It's a little silver coin with a triangle on it and the words 'unity', 'service' and 'recovery' imprinted. I give it back to her.

"I'm so happy Lacey", I tell her and smile. Not only am I happy for her, but for myself too. I won't be missing the late nights of bringing her home, the worry… I won't be missing much anyway.

Lacey throws her arms around my neck in a tight hug. Her body is so warm against mine as I hug her back. I get the feeling of never wanting to let her go. This is so much better than having her half unconscious body hanging onto me. There's that heat again in my stomach. She lets me go, but not all the way. Her arms are still around my neck. My hands are resting at her waist; I don't really know what to do with them so I let them stay put.

"It's all thanks to you Ruby. Couldn't have done any of it without you." She's smiling at me; her whole face is lit up in a smile I haven't seen before. Of course I realize, I've probably only known her sober for a week or so after I met her. Maybe it's a sober-and-happy-about-it smile.

"You're welcome", I tell her. For a moment we stare into each other's faces. I somehow feel a little lightheaded in a way that I don't know what to do about, but I know it has to do with Lacey standing here with her arms around my neck, smiling.

"Lacey? Are you up there? Your shift's in ten minutes, you better be ready." Granny's voice cuts through the silence.

Lacey blinks a couple of times, and shakes her head lightly like she's stepping out of a trance. Her hands let go of my neck.

"Well, I should probably go. I bet your Granny will be happy to see this too."

"Er yeah, I bet." She chuckles and then she's out of the door. I feel like doing the blinking and shaking of the head myself. I fall back on my bed and stare into the ceiling. What am I supposed to do with this feeling? It reminds me of that night where one of Lacey's drinking buddies called me her girlfriend. Is Lacey feeling this too, or have I just lost a screw?

* * *

><p>I can't remember the last time I was this happy. This whole Lacey-things with all it's aspects seems to be working out. She sober, she happy and I don't have to lose any more sleep over it. The sleep I'm losing over that heat I feel whenever she looks at me is a whole other story, but one accomplishment at a time. I almost sing hello when I enter the apartment.<p>

"Hello to you too, Ruby, good mood today?" Granny says and appears from the living room.

"Well, you saw Lacey's coin."

"Yes I did. Did you get everything?"

"Yep", I say and put the bag of groceries down on the kitchen table. "Where is Lacey?"

"She's out. Went to the Rabbit Hole to-"

"She did what?" My world stops for a second. She just showed me the coin and not she's back there. I'm out of the door again before I hear the rest of Granny's sentence.

The wolf is howling, growing bigger and more furious with every step.

I barge into The Rabbit Hole.

"Lacey! Where are you?" The rage in my stomach is making my blood boil. I can't believe she would throw it all away. After all that hard work. She was so proud when she showed me that AA sober-coin this afternoon.

"I'm up here Ruby!" She calls from the bar. I march up there.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? If you think I'm gonna let you throw away all that work just so you can drink your brains out again, then you better-"

"I'm not drinkin' Ruby", she says calmly. Her clean, sober voice makes me stop dead and relief wash over me.

"You're not?"

She chuckles. "No. I was just showin' Martin my AA-coin." She steps over to me and puts an arm around my waist. "Martin, have you met my girl?" Her words jolt through me. I look at Lacey when she says this and she just smiles.

"Yes I have. Hello beautiful."

I smile. "Hello Martin."

Lacey puts her head against my shoulder and her finger brushes against the fabric of my shirt, which makes me smile even more. "She saves me, all the time", Lacey says. "Well, you just saw."

"Yeah she's got quite the temper there, your girl", Martin says with a smile. "It's really great Lacey. Although the guys are gonna miss you here."

"Tell them I'm sorry. I probably can't visit in a while, too much temptation."

"It's all right."

"Thanks." She turns her head and looks up at me. "Shouldn't we go home? I promise to take your morning shift. As a small thank you."

"Sure. But you don't have to. Bye Martin."

"I want to. Good bye Martin."

"Bye, girls."

We walk out into the chilly spring breeze. It's as dark as it gets at this time of year, dark enough that the edges of the world are invisible but the things up close are alight, like Lacey's thick curls and her pretty, blue eyes that are now gazing at me. She has a smile on her face.

"I like that you came bargin' in like that. It was sweet."

"I'm sorry I thought you were drinking again."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I've been so drunk so many times, you're hardly to blame for thinkin' it happened again."

I say nothing for a minute, building up the courage to ask the next question. I'm afraid of the answer in more than one way.

"Lacey, you called me 'your girl'…"

"Yes?"

"What did you mean exactly, by that?" She stops, forcing me to stop, then turns towards me, smiling that little smile.

"I just think of you like that. Because you're for me. You have helped me so much, findin' myself, savin' me. You're so good and sweet. And you really are beautiful." She smiles again. "I really like you Ruby."

There's a feeling between us now that's making me lose air. Her hand is touching my waist, resting by my hip and she's looking at me with those eyes. Her words make me smile and the heat is there again, stronger than ever. I can't breathe.

"I really like you too", I whisper with what air I have left and my hand find hers. She chuckles as she looks down at our hands. Then she looks up again, leans into my face and she kisses me. With her fingers still entwined in mine she kisses me, sweet and slow and it feels so good. That's when the panic kicks in and I stop breathing.

I break the kiss.

"I'm sorry", I whisper, barely audible.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"I don't… I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this."

"Oh", she says. Simple, but the sound is heartbreaking. "I thought…"

"I don't know, I… I don't know."

She lets go of my hand and avoids my eyes. "I'll walk home then. I'll see you tomorrow at work." She leaves. I stand there for a bit looking at my hands. I can still feel the warmth of her fingers in my right hand. Tears are pressing to my eyes and I'm left with a sense that the heat in my gut has died and turned to ice.

I look up and see that the street is empty. I start walking.

Lacey's 'oh' echoes in my head all the way home. I can't believe myself. The heat makes it obvious. My thoughts for the past months make it obvious. The way I could catch myself staring at her sweeping floors or the way she talked to customers. I wanted to throw David out for smiling at her a month ago, even though I know he's with Mary Margaret. The way her hands feel, or the way her body pressed against me every time I dragged her home from The Rabbit Hole. Thinking of this almost makes me miss it when she drank, because I would feel her body like that every night. I could sleep beside her and watch her face as she fell asleep. The way we can talk for hours and completely forget that the rest of the world exists. The feeling I had just this afternoon, the sense of heat that never quite left. The way she kissed me and how it took away every last gasp of breath in me.

I have feelings for her. I know that.

But I'm scared. I've lived my whole life in this small god forsaken town. How was I supposed to be prepared for this sort of thing? What would Granny say? I can't point to exactly what I'm afraid of, but I started panicking the second her lips touched mine. I think about her lips. Soft and warm, moving in a way that makes me longing to feel what else she can do, even though it scares the living shit out of me.

I'm terrified, but even so I find myself standing I front of her door down the hall from our own apartment instead of in my own bedroom. In the end the heat wins the battle against my terrors.

I stand there for a second. Then I knock.

She opens the door a few moments after with a tired expression. No, not tired, hurt.

"What is it Ruby?" She doesn't sound mad, just fragile.

"I, um…" I give up with the speech. Instead I step in close to her and kiss her. I put one hand on each side of her face, holding her to me, wowing my fingers into her curls. Her hand is at my waist again, pulling me close and I hear the door shutting. I can feel her smile right before she opens her mouth and the heat fires back up again. She pulls me further into the room without ever leaving my lips, and turns us around to push me onto the bed. I crawl backwards and lie down before pulling her to me again by the neck. I feel her weight on me, pushing me down. She breaks the kiss and we pant into each other's faces. Her eyes wander from mine and downwards. I feel her warm fingers at my stomach buttoning up my shirt. She moves upwards and at the last button my breath hitches.

"I'm scared", I whisper.

"Don't be", she whispers back. "Just say so if you want me to stop." She softly brushes the hair out of my face and caresses me. She kisses me again and her hand moves down my face and neck slowly, brushes against my collarbone and shoulder until it reaches my bra strap. Slowly she pulls it down and kisses the line where it was just before. She moves down, kissing the naked skin of my stomach.

I never say so. The night continues in a blur of kisses and touching of skin, clothes thrown aside. The heat in my gut spreads to my entire body and melts away the terror until it's just a tiny ball of ice in the back of my mind. I'm staring at the ceiling when the pit of my stomach, where the rage used to be, turns into an erupting volcano.

* * *

><p>I wake up to the sound of knocking on the door.<p>

"Ruby! Lacey! The diner opens in ten minutes and one of you has better be down there by then!"

I'm instantly terrified. What if she knows?

"Well, that's my cue", Lacey says and gets up from her position beside me, where her head was resting against my shoulder. I realize again that she's naked and heat rises directly to my face this time. Lacey chuckles.

"Good morning beautiful", she says and kisses me. Just a soft small one, like that of a habit. It makes me smile, but then I remember that my grandmother is right on the other side of the door. "What is it?"

"Do you think she knows?" I whisper anxiously.

"No, we have slept in the same room a lot of times. It's no different to her." I nod hesitantly and try to take a bit of comfort in that.

Lacey is up and dressed in a matter of minutes.

"Please don't tell her?" I whisper. Lacey bows down over the bed and look at me closely like something dawns her.

"Are you ashamed?"

"No! God no, that's not… It's just I want to be the one to tell her, but I'm not sure she'll understand…"

She smiles. "I won't say a word." Then she's out of the door so quickly Granny never gets a chance to look inside.

"Good morning", I hear Lacey say on the other side of the door. "Ready to work. Ruby's asleep, I'll cover for her. Late night."

"Uh-huh." A short silence. "And you are sober?"

"I'm sober. No worries."

"Good."

They leave. I start breathing again.

I stay in Lacey's room for the most of the morning. I stare into the ceiling like I did last night and I recall everything that happened. The heat has reached new levels and it's blazing up at the mere thought of the way she touched me. I'm not sure I can believe what has just happened.

At twelve o'clock I still haven't grasped it, but I have to get ready for my shift. I'm replacing Lacey in half an hour. I get up, get dressed and go back to my room to change all over again.

I'm not prepared for the feelings that wash over me when I see her.

She looks right up at me when I walk in and smiles a teasing smile. That teasing kind of 'I've seen you naked' smile, and I might have stopped breathing at one point. It takes a lot not to just walk over there and kiss her right now, but Granny is standing right there and half of Storybrooke is in for lunch. Instead I smile back, try to hide the fact than I'm blushing and get a hold of myself, before facing Granny and the rest of the diner.

Lacey walks over to the counter and takes off the apron. It only makes me think of her undressing last night.

"Hey", she says in a soft voice. "Sleep well?" God, she's killing me.

"Yeah", I say. She hands me the apron.

"See you later", she says and leaves the diner. It takes me a few second to get the ridiculous smile of my face and get on with it.

One of the other girls, Granny has working for her gives me a look, but seems to shake it off. I hope the rest of them won't gossip too much.

There is no focusing today. None at all. As soon as my shift ends I'm up the stairs knocking on Lacey's door. She opens immediately and for a moment we just stand there. I walk in and close the door behind me. Then she's on my lips and her hands at my waist. The force of it pushes me against the door. I have no thoughts left in my head, it's all wiped clean. I twist my fingers into her hair like once before to pull her closer, to deepen the kiss. I have no idea how long before she breaks away from my lips, time has lost all meaning to me.

"I've been wantin' to do that all day", she whispers against my face.

"Me too."

I kiss her again. Our hands switch places so that mine are around her and her hands move into my hair, pulling gently at it. It's maddening. I can't remember ever kissing anyone quite like this.

"Ruby, I'm starting dinner!" Granny yells from somewhere on the other side of the door. I jerk back into reality at the sound, utterly horrified at just how close she sounds. "Ask Lacey if she wants to join and let me know!"

"Oh my god", I whisper. Lacey just giggles. "Look can we please not tell her just yet? I need time to… figure out what to say."

"Sure", she says. "It's okay. So do you want me to join?"

"Wouldn't it be too risky just today?" I ask. I can't imagine sitting across from Lacey in the same room as Granny without giving everything away in like two seconds.

"I guess it would. Just tell her I'm meeting my sponsor. I might do that anyway."

"Okay." She takes my bottom lip between hers and I can't take it. Yet if I stay any longer I don't think I'll ever get out of this room.

"I have to go", I say. My voice sounds breathless. I start fumbling after the doorknob. It was right by my hand some time ago.

"Wait, you have to do something about the hair. It's a little messy. Sorry about that."

"Oh never be sorry about that", I say, laughing while pulling my hair into a knot.

"Are you coming over tonight?" She asks, while sliding her hands down my waist and hips.

"You bet." I kiss her one more time before leaving. The air is cooler in the hallway and I pray that's enough to conceal the immense amount of heat bobbling inside me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: You're Alive? **

I'm floating on something high up in the sky for the next couple of days. I don't know exactly what it is, but I'm floating. The sneaking around so Granny won't know is somehow turning me on; it's a little embarrassing to be honest. Sometimes I feel that she looks at me like she knows something. She never says a word, but she shakes her head at me sometimes. Lacey and I try to talk normally during shifts like we used to, but it's hard to stand a feet away from each other, when all I really want to do is go classic movie-style and wipe a table clean and throw her on it. I don't though. Usually we can get by with stolen looks and good spirit until the late night and of course Lacey still attends both the AA meetings and her weekly appointment with Doctor Hopper.

Every so often though, the heat won't settle.

Lacey sticks her head around the corner.

"Ruby, could you come help me in the stock? I'm getting an odd number with the count." She gives me a crooked smile, which I return. One I hope Granny doesn't notice. It's early in the afternoon and we have two customers, who have already received their orders.

"Coming", I say and leave my note block. I swing around the corner in a dancing motion and into the giant freezer that holds our stock. Lacey closes to door behind me and pushes me against it. Her lips are on mine instantly. The heat is making me forget that we're in a freezer. Her hand moves on the inside of my t-shirt and I bury my hands I her hair while kissing her neck.

"Aren't I sneaky?" She asks, sounding a little short of breath and kisses my bottom lip.

"Very", I say and we laugh. We kiss once more and I open the door again. We have a mirror at the back wall which has come in handy a number of times in the past week. I straighten my clothes and redo the ponytail before reentering the diner. I do ponytails a lot these days.

"So is the stock in order?" Granny asks.

"Very much so", I assure her and smiles at her. She shakes her head lightly and continues writing in the book for the hotel guests.

The nights are sleepless, too short and full of kisses on skin. Lacey moves with grace and a magic touch that is unlike anything I've ever experienced.

"How do you know to touch me like that?" I ask her one night after regaining my breath.

She laughs and answers: "I honestly can't say." She leans in and licks my lips.

"Teach me", I whisper against hers. I see her eyes widen, but then that teasing smile forms on her pretty mouth and she kisses me again, this time taking my hand and leading it.

After the first two weeks or so the undeniable need to be all over each other settles just enough for us to get through the workday and get out of the house.

This evening we decided to go see a movie in the small Storybrooke cinema. They don't have that many good movies in there, but none of us really noticed what was going on up there on the screen anyway. The dark comes in handy and since very few people were in there we had a corner all to ourselves.

When the movie is done the outside has gone dark too and helps us hide.

We walk down the street hand in hand, Lacey's head leaning against my shoulder and the light from the diner is approaching too quickly.

"I wish we didn't have to hide", Lacey says softly.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just need more time." I keep thinking I'll have some epiphany, telling me how to break this to Granny, but it just doesn't happen. "I'm sorry", I whisper again.

"It's okay. Hey, stop for a second." She turns around to face me. Her hands leave mine to cup my face. "I can do this as long as you need. I'm more worried about you."

"I just don't know how to tell her", I whisper against her face.

"You'll figure it out." She stretches up to kiss me, soft and tender. I close my eyes and try to forget about telling Gran. Her forehead leans on mine and she's smiling against my lips.

"I just wanna stay like this."

"Me too."

I kiss her and stroke her hair gently. At some point it's getting cold, but it's not until Lacey starts to shiver that I really notice.

"We can go inside if you want."

"I am feeling chilly. We'll go somewhere tomorrow, when we both have the day off."

"Sounds good", I say and brush over her beautiful face with a finger before letting her go. "I can't believe my luck, that you were too tired to walk on up to Mr. Gold's shop that night."

"Me neither. But it was colder then than now. Come on, let's go in." She chuckles. For a moment I think about just taking her hand and walking in like that, but I'm afraid to. Instead she's a few steps ahead of me and opens the door.

"You were late out tonight", Granny says, but she smiles a bit anyway.

"We got talkin'. No alcohol I promise. I better go to bed, the early shift's mine. Good night Granny", Lacey says and turns around. "Good night Ruby." The little smile is playing at her lips.

"'Night Lacey." I know I shouldn't stare at her with Granny standing right there and everything, but I can't take my eyes off her.

"What's up with you, girl? Sure you didn't take a sip of something?" Granny asks, breaking my trance. I shake my head, but I'm pretty sure I'm still smiling.

"No, just zoned out for a sec. You need any help?"

"No, I'm fine. Go sleep it off", she says. I hurry up the stairs before she says any more.

* * *

><p>It all feels so unreal. Like walking around in a dream, only this time I would never want to wake up. I can't believe my own head, I sound like a love struck teenager. I sound like Ashley, when she first met her boyfriend. The only difference is that I don't get to enjoy it with the world around me, but for now I prefer it this way. I don't mind putting off the moment of truth where I tell Granny for just a little while longer.<p>

Besides there's still something exciting about sneaking around I guess. Like stealing kisses when everyone is looking away, holding hands underneath tables when we're out somewhere. I would never do that at home, it would take Granny two seconds to find out. It's always out of the house. Like right now.

"What shop did your Granny say we should buy from again?" Lacey asks. She's walking right beside me, not holding my hand, but brushing against it from time to time. I can't help but smile, whenever I feel her skin. Whenever I do she'll look at me and snicker.

"It's just around the next corner."

When we turn the corner we are met by Mr. Gold. The brushing against my hand stops instantly. I don't like Mr. Gold very much; he seems a little shady somehow. And superior, like he knows something no one else does. I'm not as opposed him as Granny, but I'd rather not talk to him. I've walked by him many times, and he usually just ignores my presence, walking on with his cane.

Only this time he stops dead at the sight of us. My first thought is that he's seen something. He's an older guy, he could easily be prejudiced. Upon second look I don't think that's it. As usual he pays no attention be me whatsoever. Instead he's eyes are fixed on Lacey.

"Belle", he whispers. I look at Lacey, who seems just as confused as I am. Who's Belle?

Mr. Gold seems to be in some kind of trance. He walks close to her and reaches out a hand. Lacey doesn't move away, but let him gently grip her arm. I'm fighting every urge to pull him away.

"You're real… Alive", he says, barely audible. I start to think the man has lost his mind. "_She_ did this to you." She? Regina? Does Mr. Gold know something about that? I open my mouth to say something, but one look from him tells me it's a bad idea. I also notice that there are tears in the corner of his eyes. Instead I stand by in silent confusion.

Finally Lacey pulls away.

"I'm sorry, do… do I know you?"

Mr. Gold is actually crying now. I'm nothing short of stunned. I didn't think the man had emotions. "No", he says. "But you will." Then he hugs her. Lacey's eyes widen and she stands useless for a moment. Then she gently pushes him away.

"I've really got to go now, Mr…"

"Gold."

"Mr. Gold. Well, good bye." I take that as a cue to start walking again and I tug gently at her hand. She follows me. Mr. Gold follows us with his eyes until we're finally blocked by the wall of the supermarket.

"That was weird", I say as soon as we're inside.

"Yes, it was like he… knew me somehow. Mr. Gold. He was the man I was supposed to go find that night I found you instead."

"Yeah. Well, he's a strange man. And he seems to know about Regina, so message delivered I guess."

"Yeah, I reckon. Let's not talk about it here."

I nod and instead we find the items Granny asked us to get without talking. Every now and then when the row is empty we sneak a kiss. I can tell she's a bit distracted though.

That lasts all day. When everything is cleaned at the diner I go to her room and find her on the bed looking out the window.

"Sometimes I wonder if I have a family out there", she says after I've closed the door behind me. "Maybe not here in Storybrooke, but somewhere in the world."

"I couldn't say", I admit. "But probably, I guess."

"I should go look someday. Think it's one of the things that made me drink. Not knowin' where I'm from or who I am. It pains me sometimes, not knowin'."

"I understand", I say and sit down beside her, leaning against the wall at the end. When she turns around she doesn't seem sad, but somewhere in between sadness and curiosity. "Never knowing your parents, I get that. Mine were killed in a traffic accident, when I was little. I've always had Granny of course, but sometimes I wonder what it's like to have parents."

"That must've been horrible." She crawls over to me and leans against me, resting her head against my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her, hugging her to me. I can feel the warmth from her body like this and I don't feel horrible at all right now.

"I honestly can't remember them. It happened so long ago."

We're silent for a bit, watching the black sky through the window.

"Do you think I'll ever get my memories back, Ruby?"

"I don't know. Doctor Hopper hasn't come up with anything?" She tries to shake her head against my shoulder and I get all of her soft curls into my face.

"No, not really. He says it's a long process."

"I hope it works someday. As long as you won't forget this", I say into her hair. She turns her head to face me.

"I don't want to forget anythin' ever again. _Especially_ not this." There's that teasing smile again and I can't do anything but return it. "Enough talk of this. Do you want to watch a movie with me?"

"Sure."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Broken **

My body is trembling, vibrating with pleasure. Lacey moves up again, kissing the skin of my stomach until she reaches my face. I pant into her face with a silly smile on my lips.

"Hope your Granny didn't hear that", she says with a knowing look. I laugh.

"Oh my god, don't even say that." She brushes the hair out of my face.

"You're amazing", she says.

"So are you." We kiss and the heat starts to blaze again. I slide a hand down her body while watching her face. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. The noises she makes are the most adorable, head spinning sounds I can think of.

In here the rest of Storybrooke disappears. The whole town feels upside down at the moment. There's now a full on war between Regina and Emma. Rumor has it that Emma's leaving town again. I heard Mary Margaret talk to her about it this afternoon.

Next thing we know little Henry is in the hospital. No one understands what happened, yet everybody knows about it. The news of that trio travels fast these days.

I didn't see Emma in here for a usual morning this morning, and later we hear it from Mary Margaret that the poor kid is sick. Very sick. He might not make it.

The diner is closed this Saturday and I ask Granny if we should go check on him. See if Emma's okay.

"We'll know in time. Emma or Mary Margaret will tell us. We're not first to know, Ruby."

"Yeah I know. I just feel so worried for Henry. He's such a sweet boy."

"Of course he is. Come on girl, Lacey can be alone without you for an hour", Gran says. She's been bugging me to go check out these new fabrics for the couches in the booths at the diner.

"Sure she can, but I could also help her. You used to say I never do enough and now you're dragging me away."

"I just want your opinion on the patterns, girl." Then she smiles. Granny's in a good mood today. She didn't used to ask my opinion on any kind of visual presentation.

"Really?"

"Yes of course. I'm sure you know more about today's fashion than I do."

"That's probably true", I say and laugh.

That's when it hits. For a couple of seconds I see rainbow colors and then it all comes rushing back with dizzying speed.

The cabin in the woods. My life with Granny, my constant fights with her over the red hood I never wanted to wear. It was so heavy and always in the way. Peter sneaking up to my window almost every night, stealing kisses through the window so Granny wouldn't know. The hunters, the fear of the wolf. Meeting Snow. Killing Peter and running away with Snow. Finding my mother. Killing my mother. The Evil queen, the wedding, the threat, the _curse_.

I look at Granny. She's just as perplexed as I am. Then she hugs me.

"Dear little girl", is all she says. She lets go and looks at me, cupping my face. I just smile at her, feeling like a cloud has disappeared from my head, leaving it all clear again. It feels so surreal, but at the same time every piece of the puzzle is falling into place. I'm Red.

I look up and see Snow and David walking over. Mary Margaret, who I always felt like I knew somehow. Now I'm looking at

"Snow!" I squeal and run over to give her a hug. I'm almost in tears. Time is suddenly standing crystal clear after being frozen for twenty eight _years_. She lets me go and looks at me. It's really her. My best friend. Then she runs to hug Gran and David embraces me.

"Good to see you again, Red", he says to me.

"Your highness?" Someone calls from behind us. We all turn around to see the seven dwarfs standing before us with Grumpy in front. They all bow for her and Snow runs over to receive a giant group hug.

"The curse… it's broken", Grumpy says when he's released again.

"It appears so", David agrees.

"So, what do we do now?" I ask. The feeling of everything rushing back like this has left me restless. My impatient nature has been uncovered. I hear footsteps approaching, but I can't take my eyes off all my friends that I suddenly got back.

"Now", says Snow and take a step back. "Now I find my daughter." She shares a look with David, just as Emma steps into my view.

"So it's true?" She says. Snow and David turn around and face her. Then Snow walks over, slowly like she can't believe her own eyes and with tears spilling over she hugs Emma, quickly joined by David. Emma looks as stunned as the rest of us, but for a whole other reason, I imagine. I watch my best friend embrace the daughter she hasn't seen since she was born. Again I have the feeling that it's all so surreal yet finally so true.

"You found us", I hear her say in a tearful voice.

Henry, suddenly all better, is standing beside me, watching the whole thing.

"Grandpa?" He says, making Snow laugh through her tears. Soon everyone is laughing.

I think back to all the times Henry have been sitting in the diner showing Emma his book of stories – _our _stories – desperate to make her understand. How I thought about asking him who I was. The kid did it. The Evil Queens curse is broken.

"Yeah kid", David says. "I suppose so." They include him the hug. Henry looks up at his grandpa – god that sounds so weird – and says: "She did it. She saved you."

"She saved all of us", Snow says. Emma struggles with her words, but Grumpy interrupts.

"Then why are we still here?"

"Let's go find out", David says.

Then it hits me. What about Lacey? She must have her memories back too.

I start running.

"Where are you going, girl?" Granny yells after me.

"I'm gonna find Lacey!" I shout back and run back to the diner, leaving the reunion behind me. There is a silly smile plastered on my face. I can't wait to hear what she has found out. Who she is. And I'm suddenly filled with this need to tell Snow all about her.

I get to the diner in no time and rip the door open.

"Lacey?" No answer. The diner is empty. I run upstairs, but she's gone. That's odd.

When I come back into the diner, Granny is just walking through the doors.

"Let's get some beers out Ruby, people are ready to celebrate. Did you find Lacey?"

I shake my head. "No, I don't know where she is."

"She'll show up in a minute. Take out some glasses will you?"

I start finding all the glasses good beer mugs, over the moon about being free again, and at the same time wondering why Lacey is gone all of a sudden. It worries me. And Grumpy's right, why are we still here?

I put glasses and mugs on the counter and walk over to open the door. That's when I see it. Purple smoke. I feel my veins turning to ice. It looks alarmingly similar to the smoke that brought us here in the first place.

"Granny, what is that?"

"What girl?" She comes over, and I can feel her fright too, like an aura coming off her, when she sees the smoke rolling up on the town with incredible speed.

"Close the door, get inside", she says.

"Granny…" My voice is shaking. The smoke is reaching our street already.

"It's gonna be okay, come here." She holds onto me and hugs me tight as the purple smoke washes over the diner, flows through the windows and engulfs us together with all the light in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, it made my day! Keep 'em coming. This chapter is a short one, so I'll see, if I have time to put up another one later tonight.**

**Chapter 10: Stranger Again **

It's been a week since magic returned to Storybrooke. Everyone is confused except for Regina, who's looking like her evil self once again. She interrupted the town meeting last night just to take Henry back with her. Kidnapping him back the 'the castle', like force could ever hold that kid. Her magic is back and even Granny's crossbow, which have been safely kept in the back of a storage room during the curse and brought out the second the purple smoke lifted, couldn't touch her. She made the arrow into fire and threw it right back.

The diner is silent like the grave. The whole building feels stripped of sound and atmosphere, without Lacey's voice. Her laughter and the way she speaks. That foreign accent that I couldn't place at first and now feel like I can't live without.

She doesn't work here anymore. She came by to tell Granny, who in turn told me, avoiding all contact with me. Mr. Gold, or rather, Rumpelstiltskin the one and only dark wizard to cause all this misery, has given her the key to the library. There's a small apartment on top of it, which she now lives in. That is unless the Dark One has snatched her and chained her in the back room of his antique shop. I was told they were a thing before the curse. Either way I haven't caught a glimpse of her in several days. It's killing me. The whole world feels so quiet and barren without Lacey.

I guess I shouldn't even be calling her that anymore. Belle, that's her name now.

"You should be happy, girl, the curse is broken", Granny said the other night. I remember nodding vaguely at her and making her focus on the budget instead. I can't be happy. They say Emma did it; they all celebrate the savior finally breaking the awful curse. I wish she hadn't.

I've never seen Belle before in the Enchanted Forest, so she must have been from another kingdom.

I ask Snow, but she doesn't know.

"Belle, no, I don't know her. It's that girl who stayed with you and Granny, right?"

I nod. "Right." I want to tell her the whole story, but I can't find it in me to do it in the middle of the street. There isn't time right now with Regina acting out and Snow and David trying to take back some control over the situation. I can feel her restlessness. She's always had that, not unlike me, but it's uncontrollable at the moment. She has just gotten her daughter back. I don't want to burden her with my problems, let alone pour my heart out while she's so unfocused.

Snow shakes her head again. "I don't know, Red. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, just curios."

Snow smile. "Okay. Look, I've got to go, Charming said he was gathering the dwarfs and we're having a meeting. Listen, don't you want to come? You used to be a part of the council."

"Not today Snow, but keep me updated. I have a, um, thing to do."

Snow doesn't dig into 'the thing', which just proves how preoccupied she is.

Instead I show up at the AA meeting that night, hoping Lacey might be there.

I've been here my fair share of times in the past so I recognize a poor turnout, when I see one. Almost half the people are missing. Dr. Whale is sitting in there along with Nathan, Lacey's sponsor, as the only two I recognize. Of course I know where Leroy, or rather Grumpy, is.

"Nathan!" He looks up.

"Hi Ruby. What brings you here?"

"Have you seen Lacey? Or… Belle?"

To my disappointment he shakes his head.

"No I haven't. I was hoping she would come, she can't stop this early into the fight."

"So she hasn't been by at all?"

"No. Please tell her to come again? I'm sure she'll listen to you."

I smile at him and walk out. The smile fades as I turn my back, and I doubt that she would listen to me right now. If she had the slightest interest in talking to me she wouldn't disappear like this.

I feel the frustration and anger growing. How can she do this to me? Just vanish without a word, like the past four months means nothing! The wolf howls within me and I feel like growling out loud. I wasn't that off with my thoughts of inner monsters during the curse. Ruby didn't get her temper from strangers and now that I'm myself again with a real wolf inside of me, that temper feels even closer to the surface, luring just beneath the skin.

I walk out into the street and play – for the fifteenth time – with the thought of just going into Gold's shop and ask the Dark One to set her free. Or at least let me talk to her, demand an explanation.

The truth is I'm afraid. He is powerful beyond belief. He trained Regina, the Evil Queen, for god's sake. I can't match that.

All of a sudden she's there, three feet away from me. A whole palette of emotions washes over her face as we see each other, but too quickly to separate. She turns and starts to walk away.

"Lacey!" I call and run after her. I'm quicker than before, now that the wolf has awoken in me after twenty eight years of sleep. I catch up with her in a second and block her way. "Lacey, what the hell happened?"

"Please don't call me that", she says. For a moment I'm stunned into silence.

"Wh-what?"

"My name is Belle. That's who I am."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that what happened between us, it… I can't Ruby, it doesn't fit anymore. I love Rum-"

"Don't you say that!" I snap in a high, shrill voice.

"It's true, Ruby. That's who I am. I'm really grateful for everything, but we have our memories back now. I have my father back and I recognize myself again. We're supposed to move on with our lives." I can't believe my own ears. Her voice is shaken too, it's subtle but it's there. Like it pains her to say these words, but why say them then? How can she stand there, talking like this? It's her voice, yet it sounds nothing like her.

"Lacey, please. Don't do this."

The woman in front of me, once again a stranger to me, meets my gaze and says: "Lacey doesn't exist, Ruby, you made her up."

The wolf inside me withers and howls as the panic and desperation turns into rage.

"I didn't make you up! I gave you a name when you asked me to, I invited you into my home, I dragged you out of The Rabbit Hole every night for three months! I helped you get sober and this is how you thank me? By ignoring me for a week? You kissed me! You dug feelings out of me that I didn't even know I had! And now you've run off to that evil man. You know what, your inner monster isn't drinking, it's _him_." The anger fades away and my voice is left small and fragile, when I add: "And if this is how you're gonna treat me then you're right, Lacey doesn't exist anymore."

I guess I hoped my outburst would bring Lacey's expression back into this woman's face, but she's fighting every human emotion it seems. She's almost cold.

"I'm sorry", she says and walk away before I can say anymore. I stand there, unable to move as I watch her disappear down the street that leads to Gold's shop. It feels like my throat is closing up with the blood that my racing heart seems to be frantically pumping out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Confessions Of A Werewolf **

It's time. I've run out of good ideas and the pain of watching Lacey opening the library every day and living a completely different life hurts more than anything I can think of. For a couple of days I've been standing out there on the street in the morning, waiting for her to open. She often sees me and she always turns away and walks into the building without a word.

I can't do this by myself anymore.

So I turn to the one person who used to have all the answers.

"Granny?" I move into our small kitchen. Granny is at the sink, peeling potatoes. "I have to talk to you." The sound of my voice makes her turn around and she's looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Everything okay, Ruby?"

I shake my head and try to summon the courage I need for this conversation. The air is not being let out of my lungs fast enough and the knot in my stomach is still growing. I feel something close to sick.

"I have to talk to you about Lacey."

Granny puts down the potatoes and sits down across from me at our tiny kitchen table. "Speak girl."

"Yeah, um… Okay I know this is a lot, but please just listen. You see Lacey and I, we um… We weren't just friends. We were something more than that. I didn't know how to tell you, but for a month or so we kind of had a relationship. I'm sorry to burden you with this, but with the curse broken everything is different. We should all be the same as we were, but none of us are, because we have these other _lives_. Our real lives I guess. And Lacey, I mean Belle, she refuses to see that and now she's with Rumpelstiltskin. I don't know what to _do_." My voice breaks at the end and the tears comes dangerously close to overflowing. I'm afraid to move, even if it is just to wipe my eyes dry.

Granny takes my hand.

"Never apologize for telling me about your feelings Ruby. I knew about you and Lacey."

"You did?" The horror washes over me. It seems stupid that this should bother me now, but the thought of all that sneaking around and for what? I cannot seem to remember the fact and Granny has eyes and ears everywhere.

"I may be old, girl, but I'm not blind yet. Or deaf. You are not a very quiet person." The horror grows stronger. Now I just want to climb into a hole and live out the rest of my miserable life there. She has _heard us_?

"How-how long have you known?"

"I suspected something the day Lacey covered your shift. The morning after she received that AA coin. You have both been exceptionally cheerful since that morning. That is until the curse was broken."

"But you're… okay with it?"

"It's very… well, untraditional, but I've had some time to get used to the idea and I'm not blind to the changes she has brought on you. You've grown a lot in the last five months Ruby and you're happier. You've taken the job more seriously, you took responsibility for Lacey when she couldn't herself, you have taken responsibility for _yourself _for the first time. You haven't missed one shift in four months and you've stopped dressing like a drag. I'm proud of you, girl."

I throw my arms around my grandmother's neck, not caring that the edge of the table is boring into my stomach. The tears finally spill over. "Thanks Granny!"

There's a moment before the realities of my life returns to the surface.

"This still doesn't change that Lacey – or I guess I should call her Belle now, since she doesn't think Lacey exists anymore – still won't speak to me. I don't know what to do."

"You tell her what you said to me just before. We all have two lives now. You may not be a part of Belle, but from what I saw, you were an important part of Lacey. You remind her of that."

"But what about Rumpelstiltskin?"

"You fight for what you want, no matter the obstacles."

"Er, did you not hear me say _Rumpelstiltskin_? You know, the Dark One, the one who _made_ the curse. He'll turn me into a frog first chance given, unless he just decides to kill me on the spot for kissing his girlfriend!" I stop myself, wondering if I've crossed some line by actually speaking of kissing girls in front of Granny, but that doesn't seem to be what's concerning her at the moment.

"Ruby, listen to yourself. This is not the girl I raised. I Just told you I was proud of you, don't make me take that back."

"Granny!" Gran is having none of it; she just shakes her head at me.

"I'll put an arrow between his eyes before he hurts you girl, but you have to fight for what you want. Talk to Belle, convince her. You can be very convincing when you want to."

I ponder that for the rest of the day. I need to find a way to make Lacey, no to make _Belle_ understand that Lacey still exist. She can't just throw away everything; I need to not let her.

That next morning when she opens the library I step in front of her, blocking her way in. I move fast, so to not allow myself time to get nervous. I move so fast that she has to take a second to be shocked at my sudden presence, but as the shock disappears from her face a sad expression replaces the former.

"Ruby please…"

"No, you have to listen to me now. You can't do this. You can't tell me you don't feel it anymore. We had something and that didn't go away, because here I am with all my memories back and a real wolf inside my instead of a metaphoric one and still it hurts like hell just to look at you. So if I didn't have my other life erased, neither did you!"

She looks at me without saying anything. There is a quality of exhaustion about her, I notice, now that I see her up close for the first time in a week.

"I didn't have another-"

"Yes you did! Just because Regina didn't create another version of you doesn't mean you didn't live. You just lived from a blank page instead of a template like the rest of us. You were there, Lacey, we lived. We… loved. I love you." The last three words escape my lips before I can reign myself in. They leave Lacey looking shocked as ever. She starts shaking her head.

"No. Please don't…" she says in the thinnest voice, so fragile it hurts to hear her speak it.

"Don't what? Lacey I just can't-"

"Please don't call me Lacey", she whispers. I take a step back, feeling defeated. The tears are building up together with a viscous crawling beneath my skin. In that moment I'm not sure if I want to burst into tears and beg for her to reason, or burst into a coat of fur and rip her throat out. The thought terrifies me so much I turn on my heel and walk away without another word.

* * *

><p>I suddenly feel like one of those stupid teenagers who think their life is over because their lover has moved on. They really were onto something. I've never had that feeling before. I came close the night I realized I had killed Peter, but that was still different. It was the burning despair of haven gone to hell and knowing you are to spent the rest of your days in flames of self-loathing and fright for your own abilities, right along with the sorrow and regret of having killed your lover. I don't feel that now, I just feel… empty.<p>

Granny has brought me tea and food, when I've locked myself up in my room after shifts. At first she was all for continuing our lives here like nothing happened. "Life goes on", she said the first morning after the breaking of the curse and handed me the apron. For the past week she has mellowed out about that just a bit.

Now it seems she's had it with the self-pity though, because instead of bringing me food she walks into my room with a stern Granny-look on her face and empty hands, and tells me to go talk to Snow.

"She's your best friend, girl. Go, make a plan. Fight."

She's really all about the fighting, that woman. Of course she does carry around a crossbow every time she leaves the inn these days, because she thinks the town has gone rather lawless since the curse broke.

So I go. Snow was always one for making plans and I really do need a new one.

I knock on the door to the loft that she now shares with Charming, Emma and Henry. It's a crowded place, really.

Snow opens. "Ruby! Hi." Her facial expression immediately changes after a second look on my face. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you. Alone please."

"Oh sure, come in. Charming is down at the sheriff's station with Emma and I think Henry's with them. Charming just really can't handle that Emma runs the hold thing; he thinks he should be the one doing it, but of course Emma has had more practice… I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Come sit down." She gestures towards the couch and sits down. I move more hesitantly. I'm nowhere near as nervous as when I had to talk to Granny, but this still feels like a big thing, all the resent problems set aside. I sit.

"Snow. You were the only one who ever thought it was okay for me to be wolf and human at the same time."

"Yes I know."

"I have something to tell you and I need you to accept that as a part of me too."

She wears that concerned look on her face. I tell her the whole thing. Not in the short superficial way I told Gran, tiptoeing around the details and making apologies even before finishing my story. Snow won't let me. She makes me start at the beginning, so I tell her how I met a girl with no name to herself and how Lacey came to live and work at the diner. I tell her about the feelings that I experienced, but never allowed myself to acknowledge and my struggle to get Lacey sober. She lets out a giggle, when I tell her about the day I wanted to throw David out for talking to her, even though I knew he and Snow were together. For a blissful moment I stop hurting and allow myself to smile at the memories as I relive them. I tell her about the night we kissed the first time, but leave out most of the details after I stepped into Lacey's room. Just telling how she pushed me onto the bed is making me flush as red as my old hood. Snow has a smile on her face that grows gradually wider. I tell her about how we snuck around, how perfect everything seemed for moments at a time until the curse was broken. How she now refuses to speak to me, but stays with Rumpelstiltskin, the Dark One. And I mention that I told Granny. When my story is finished the throbbing pain in my chest has returned and the smile long faded.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know."

"Red, come on, it's not like you to give up. You have to go up against him, be the competition. If he weren't in the middle of things Lacey wouldn't be so confused. Try talking to her again."

"It's the Dark One we're talking about here Snow!" I exclaim in frustration, just like I did when Granny said something similar. "He'll kill me."

Snow shakes her head. "No he won't, not if Belle tells him not to."

"You don't know that."

"I am almost certain. I'm not saying put yourself in danger, I'm just saying fight, Red. Let him and her know that you won't back down. You deserve to be happy. It's been a long time. I haven't seen you smile like that since…"

"Since Peter."

"Exactly…" We're silent for a while. "I didn't see it coming though."

"What? That I'm gay? I'm not even sure that I am. I mean, I _loved_ Peter."

Snow smiles reassuringly. "You're you. That's good enough for me. Like I've said before, you don't have to choose for me."

She takes my hand and I smile at her, grateful beyond words.

"Thank you Snow. For listening and… well everything."

"Anytime Red. I can't believe it's been almost thirty _years_ since we've talked like this."

"Well, in our defense time did stand still", I point out and she snickers, which in turn gets me smiling a bit again.

"That's true. I have my grown daughter now. And a _grandson_. Imagine that."

"Tell me all about it", I plead. So she does, and for the time being I get to forget about my own troubles.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks for the support with the following and the favoring and the comments! You guys might have to deal with moody Ruby for a little while, there was no other way. We all know that Belle is a stubborn girl. I hope you're enjoying it anyway!**

**Chapter 12: Hats And Portals **

The people of Storybrooke are starting to act like caged animals. I know that feeling, so I recognize it pretty quickly. One of the dwarfs has lost all memories once again. Apparently none of us are able to leave town without losing memory of who we are all over again. The dwarf – I can't remember which one, apart from Grumpy and Doc the rest sort of blend together – has gone back to who he was before the curse was lifted. Once you cross the town line it's like you're back in cursed Storybrooke, only the people surrounding you are now freaking you out, because they know you are and you yourself don't recognize this person. That's what the dwarf acts like.

To be honest I thought about pushing Lacey, no Belle – I keep having to remind myself to call her Belle – past the town line. I'm not sure what would happen. Would she go back to being Lacey? Would she start out from another blank page? Did Regina create another identity for her, just in case, which she would then take? I have no idea. All I know is that it's tempting.

Snow disagrees though.

"You can't Red. You just can't."

"Why?"

"Because you said it yourself, you don't know what's gonna happen. It could hurt her."

"The dwarf-"

"Sneezy."

"Right him, he seems fine."

"Look, don't okay? It doesn't solve your problem; it might just create a whole new one."

"Such as Rumpelstiltskin turning me into a cockroach and stepping on me."

"For one thing. But what I meant was that it doesn't help Lacey realize her feelings."

I sigh. "Fine, I won't do it."

"Good. Now let's go back to town, I have to talk to Charming about all this."

We walk back through the forest. We were out setting up a safety perimeter so the townsfolk won't accidently walk too far out and get themselves lost. Literally speaking.

I like being out here. It speaks to the wild creature inside me. The sound of the wind through the trees sings to it, lulls it into a more sedated state. It's always awake, but out here, it feels like it just might be slumbering lightly. It calms me down a bit, something I desperately long for at the moment.

As we cross into the town again we pass through the part of town where Gold's shop is. My supernatural hearing picks up on Belle's voice instantly and I run towards it, before Snow can say a word.

"She has to be punished for what she's don'!" It sounds like Mr. Gold – or Rumpelstiltskin's – voice. I peek around the corner to see Gold and Belle are standing in the doorway of his shop, having some sort of argument. Belle is saying something to him. At that moment Snow catches up with me and tries to pull me away, but I don't let her.

"Wait a second Snow", I say in a low voice and focus on Belle's again.

"... I mean it, Rumple. Don't go after her."

"She locked you up Belle! She took you away from me!"

I step a little closer. In the pit of my stomach where the rage and the wolf lies I wish for him to say something cruel to her to make her see what a monster he is. If he hurts her just a bit, maybe she would finally open her eyes.

"What's happening?" Snow whispers to me.

"I'm not sure."

"You have to promise me, Rumple. The whole town's torn up already, don't make it worse."

"I'm not sure I can do that Belle."

She touches his arm. "Promise me. Promise me and we can be together." It physically hurts to hear her say this. I miss her so much, I miss her voice and the way she pronounces together as' togetha'. I want to rip that arm off that she's touching, but I'm frozen to the spot. Snow has tightened her grip on my shoulder, perhaps feeling the battle inside me.

The Dark One sighs and nods slightly. "I promise."

From here I can see the smile on Belle's face, that little smile she used to give me. She's short so with him she also has to stand on her toes. She does that now, reaching up and kissing him as they embrace each other. All of my insides turn to a cube of ice with razor sharp edges. My insides are a bloody massacre of so many horrible feelings that I can't even begin to name them. I'm still frozen as I watch the girl, who used to be Lacey and used to call me her girl, kisses the monster who brought the curse and all of these feelings in the first place.

"Red, let's go", Snow whispers softly. "Don't do this to yourself." She pulls at me and I follow, without being able to take my eyes off the newly reunited couple down the street. Snow manages to drag me a few blocks before I break down. The tears spill over and my body trembles with rage and anguish. Snow throws her arms around me and holds me tight.

"I want to kill him! I want to rip his head off Snow. I can't take it anymore!" I cry into her shoulder.

"No you don't Red, you just want _her_. There's gotta be another way."

I cry wordlessly and hug her so tight I hear her groan from the pain of my strong embrace. At that I loosen my grip and she catches my eye.

"Look at me, Red. We're gonna find a way."

* * *

><p>Next thing I know there's a wraith loose in town. The magic has not been wasting any time, since it got here. No one knows who summoned the wraith, but it seems to be after Regina and I have a pretty good guess. Snow and Emma are working to free the town of it. Emma doesn't seem to think we should just let it take her. It must be weird, being to only one here to not having grown up the world of the Enchanted Forest. Of course Henry didn't either, but he grew up here. Emma keeps seeing something different in Regina, something none of us see. Personally I catch myself thinking it would serve Regina right to get sucked dry by that thing after all the pain she has caused. I know that's the rage talking and I'm supposed to be one of the good guys who wishes everyone well, like Snow does, but I can't bring myself to do it right now.<p>

Instead I'm sitting on a bench across from the library thinking that if I stay here I won't be making any difference to the events. I can't bring myself to help Regina, but at least I'm not in the way.

As I sit there Belle comes out to open up the library as she always does. From the other side of the road a man is walking towards her. I expect him to just politely wish her a good morning, like by passers often do, but he stops at the sight of her.

"What the hell?" He says. My wolf-hearing catches everything even the surprised and angry sound of his voice. His body language is hostile.

"I'm sorry?" Belle says, looking confused.

"Don't tell me you don't remember me." Belle looks at him for a second.

"Now that you mention it, you do look familiar."

The man scoffs. "Familiar. I'm Jefferson! The guy who got you out of the asylum! You were supposed to go directly to the Dark One and he was supposed to throw a fit over you being alive and go kill the queen. I thought you had gotten yourself killed on the way, since the curse took so long to be broken. You ruined everything!" The last sentence he shouts into her face and grips her arm roughly.

It takes me exactly two seconds to shoot up from my seat, get over there and push him away from her.

"Ruby!" Belle gasps.

"Is there a problem here?" I ask the man, Jefferson, in an icy voice. He sends me a mean look. There's a touch of madness to his gaze. I take a good look at the man who freed Lacey from the asylum five months back and told her to go find Mr. Gold. He looks haunted.

"Who the hell are you?" He spits.

"Doesn't matter. You should behave yourself."

"_I_ should behave? You tell your little friend here that if she'd done what I told her to I would leave her the hell alone."

"I don't understand what I did to you, sir? The curse is broken now." Belle's voice is shaken from the shock, but has regained its normal volume. Jefferson sneers at her and I stand between them. It takes most of my self-control to not push him further away.

"Why don't you just tell us what your problem is?"

"My problem is that _she_", he gestures violently towards Belle, "didn't get the Dark One to undo the curse sooner. Now my dear Grace is torn, she doesn't want to leave the family that bastard created."

"Regina created the identities", I say, not really caring about who Grace is.

"Well, the curse was supposed to break, when he went to kill her out of fury. He's quite fond of this one."

"So I have noticed." Even I can hear how dead my voice sounds right now. I feel Belle shift uncomfortably behind me. I add: "What's done is done. The curse is broken anyway. Leave her alone."

"You people are unbelievable. First the queen takes my hat, my very own portal, to save her own sorry soul and now I'm being the rude one for acting out over the fact that everyone got their happy ending back except for me."

"You know nothing", I spit at him. "Now _go_." I almost growl the last word. He takes a quick look at Belle, then one at me and starts turning around.

"Beast. Stupid girls protecting him. And they call me mad", he mumbles as he walks away.

I want to shout at him that I am certainly not protecting anyone but Belle at the moment, but I don't. Instead I watch him go, standing with my back still turned to Belle, unsure of what to say to her. She's the one who steps into my view.

"Thank you", is all she says.

"No problem", I say.

"I feel bad for him. Grace, that must be his daughter. Rumple told me." I turn to her, disbelieving of her reaction.

"He assaults you and you feel bad for him? God, you're unbelievable." I'm not sure if I meant it to be an insult or a simple comment, but it comes out a lot softer than I wanted it too. It's one of her great qualities, seeing good in everyone. Finding the good in every monster she encounters.

She means to say something, but is stopped as the sky suddenly turns dark and the wind starts picking up speed. I recognize it from yesterday.

"The wraith is coming back, get inside!" I say and push her through the doorway with a gentle touch to the back. As soon as she's inside she steps away like I've burnt her. The movement makes my chest ache. I snort at her and turn to the windows to look out. From here I see Emma, Snow and David running towards the town hall. They're quickly out of sight.

"What's goin' on?"

"You don't know?" She shakes her head. So her boyfriend didn't tell her that an unearthly creature is out for Regina's soul? If I didn't know better I would say he summoned it. He sounded like he meant it when he promised Belle not to take revenge, but then again I wouldn't trust a word he says.

"It's a wraith. Someone put a mark on Regina that summoned it. From here it looks like it's gonna take the entire town with it. We better stay here until it's over."

"Can we defeat it?"

"Snow said they were thinking about sending it through a portal." I look out the window while talking to her, even though there's nothing but dark skies and bending trees to watch. I feel that if I look at her now I'll break down. And I can't break down, because for now I'm trapped in here with her.

"So that's what Jefferson's talkin' about."

"Guess so."

There's silence for a while, apart from the wooshing of the wind outside. Everything loose out there is blowing around. Papers, leaves and the bench I was sitting on just before is moving up the street like it's being pulled towards something.

"Ruby…" Her voice is different now. "I'm sorry for the way things are. I don't know what to do."

I snort again. "You made it pretty clear that whatever you'll do it has nothing to do with me." I can't help the hostility in my voice. I can see her flinch in the reflection from the window.

"Ruby-"

"Let's not talk about it right now, okay? There's nothing to say anyway."

"Fine… Who do you think summoned the wraith? I've read that it takes powerful magic to summon creatures, which themselves are so powerful." I roll my eyes. She seems determined to talk about _something_.

"Well it would take a powerful wizard, yes. And I doubt Regina would do this to herself."

"You don't think… Rumple?" Her voice has grown insecure. There's a hint of realization in it. I almost laugh in bitter amusement.

"Well, he made a promise to you not to, right?"

"Do you know somethin'?"

"I don't know anything."

She finally stops talking. Silence comes over the dark room of the library. The sounds of the outside don't drown out the sound of Belle's breathing; agitated, nervous. The sound becomes all I hear. It reminds me of the nights where I used to sleep in her room to make sure she was okay, after having fetched her from the Rabbit Hole. I put my head against the window, wishing that I didn't have to be in here with her. It hurts to be around her, it hurts to stand here listening to her breathing. It hurts that she denies our memories their meaning, when all I want to do is turn around, push her against one of those stupid bookcases and kiss her senseless. I miss the sound of her soft moans and the feel of her skin.

Suddenly I see something impossibly dark float by in the sky, that rips me back into reality. It must be the wraith.

"Do you see somethin'?"

"Think it was the wraith."

"Where's it goin'?" She sounds nervous again.

"Towards the town hall I think. That's where the others are."

She gets up and comes over to stand beside me. I move a little to give her enough space to look out the window with me, even though there's nothing to see now. Her body doesn't touch mine as we stand there, but I feel something touching me, electricity maybe.

"Hope they make it."

"So do I." I suddenly realize the danger that my best friend and Emma are putting themselves in. Like it didn't occur to me until now that the plan might not work. Snow's plans don't always work at first shot. "I have to go help", I say and reach for the door, when Belle puts her hand on mine. I freeze to the spot and try not to stare at her hand over mine too longingly. I feel like I have just about no dignity left, but I'm fighting to save some anyway.

"Don't. It's dangerous out there. You could get hurt."

"Like you care." I know that's a mean comment, but I just can't help it. Half the words I say these days don't seem to check in with my brain before leaving my mouth.

"Of course I care, Ruby." The softness of her voice makes me meet her gaze. She's standing so close. She hasn't moved her hand from mine yet. It's so soft and warm. My mind immediately starts fantasizing about pushing her up against the door right here and…

No. I can't do that. I think she notices though, because there's something in her eyes now. It's a familiar look, a look she used to give me when she was drunk and flirting with me at the bar before finally letting me take her home to sober up. Back when we had that tension loaded with all the unspoken feelings.

She breaks the gaze. Her hand lingers for a moment then drops.

"Just wait a minute please", she says.

At that the dark sky starts to brighten outside and returns to normal. The wraith must be gone. I fly out of the door and run towards the town hall, before Belle can stop me again.

The first thing I lay eyes on is Regina. So she's apparently okay.

Then I see Henry. And David crouching in front of him. Telling him that he'll get them back. He promises.

"What happened?" I say. All three look up. I watch their faces. Henry and David have a similar expression of despair. Regina's is far more composed. She is the one who speaks first.

"Emma was caught by the wraith and fell through the portal with it. Snow White jumped in after her."

"What?" I refuse to believe her, but as I look around from the standing hat in the middle of the otherwise empty room to David's expression of shock I know she's telling the truth.

Regina is standing there looking somewhat displeased.

I attack her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Different Kind Of Monsters **

I don't know exactly what I would have done, if David hadn't stopped me. He's having a hard time holding me back as the wolf pushes on, giving me extra strength.

"You!" I growl at Regina. "It's all your fault. I will-"

"I'd like to see you try", she says in a contemptuous tone. In her hand a ball of fire is forming and her supercilious stare is challenging me.

"Mom!" Henry's voice interrupts her and the fireball subdues. She shifts her focus to him and completely ignores my presence.

I relax and David pulls me out at an arm's length. I focus on him instead of the Evil Queen apologizing to her son. The shock in David's eyes has faded a bit and his expression changed to one of determination.

"I will get them back. Snow and I, we always find our way back to each other."

I try to smile. "I know."

Regina leaves. After giving me a look as if to make sure I've got a hold on myself, David turns to Henry. The shock on the poor kids face is still increasing. Of course his mother was just sucked into a land that may or may not exist anymore. Along with my best friend. I feel the despair turning to fury in the pit of my stomach. She was supposed to be my rock in this. Now I'm out of help.

I run out of the hall.

I run all the way across town. I have no direction I just run until my feet starts to ache. My best friend is gone, Lacey is reduced to a stranger with familiar eyes and my life is unrecognizable. I feel like I'm reaching the limit of how much I can take before I explode. Before the monster breaks out of my skin and finally give the blinding fury and desperation inside me a solid form.

I need to direct my focus at something.

I do what Snow asked me to, before being sucked out of this world through a damn hat.

I barge into the antique shop that Mr. Gold own, a profession Rumpelstiltskin seems to have decided to keep. I figure that if I at least start out with the rage, which is boiling in my gut, the courage to talk to him will come along with it. The door bangs against the end of the long counter, shrieking in the hinges from the sudden impact.

"Gold!" I shout into the seemingly empty room.

He comes walking out of the back room at my shouting. He's still walking with that cane. The story is that he injured himself during a war so he could be sent home and he was the town coward in all the years, before he became the Dark One. The look on his face right now doesn't exactly scream coward. I feel like he could stab me to death with his stare alone.

"Well, if it isn't Belle's curse past-time."

It hits me that I don't really know what to say to him. I was going to tell him to stay away from Belle and that he's a monster, but the words seem to disappear like drops of water in the sun when the moment comes. Instead I say;

"Why did you do this to me?"

"Do what, I might ask?"

"Make me love her, just so you could take her away the moment you got the curse broken? What did I _ever_ do to you?"

"It seems to me, you're placin' blame in the wrong places. I only made the foundation of the curse, it's Regina who made your alternative lives, so why don't you go breakin' in her mansion and yell at her?" He looks at me for a minute and then adds: "Unless of course your _feelin's_ where there to begin with, then you can only blame yourself."

"You are not good for her. You're a monster."

"Oh, and you're one to talk? I should be the one to make her stay away from _you_", he hisses the last word out. "As I recall it your last lover had a tragic fate."

"How do you know about that?" My voice is reduced to an angry whisper. He laughs that horrible maniac laugh I've heard him use a couple of times, when Snow and David had him locked up in a cell at the castle back in the Enchanted Forest.

"Oh I know enough. Now, Belle made me promise not to hurt you, and trust me dearie, you're not exactly competition to me, but you are the reason Belle didn't come to me sooner. I suggest you get out before I find a loophole in that promise."

My body feels cold, like the fear of this man has shut down my entire system. I refuse to cry in his presence, but it takes all my self-control not to run out. I should have known that it would lead nowhere to go in here. I turn slowly and head for the door in a controlled pace.

I stop at the door, kicking myself internally for saying it, but even so unable to stop myself. "I'm not done with this."

Rumpelstiltskin laughs. "Why, that should be interestin'. But don't you have other things to worry about? It's a full moon soon as I'm sure you're aware of. "

I freeze with my hand on the door handle. Wolf time, how could I forget? The moment the wolf actually breaks out of me, no matter how hard I try to keep it in. There was a time when it was all I ever thought about. Now the anxiety and self-loathing that always came with dreading wolf time before is rushing back to the surface. How on earth am I going to control myself, being so immensely out of practice?

Maybe Gold catches my thoughts, because he continues: "This isn't the Enchanted forest. Livin' is this land, we have all become more... adjusted to this kind of life and its rules. Fightin' over simple things like the sheriffs post and a child. A wolf's not a part of that. People might be frightened and frightened people are dangerous."

I turn around to face him, somehow regaining some of my vanished rage. The wolf within me stirs at his icy tone, growling and itching to get out. As the animal sneaks closer to the surface I bare my teeth at him. "Are you threatening me?"

He laughs. "No. Oh no, I'll let the town do _that_."

I leave.

* * *

><p>I decide to go to the Rabbit Hole. Maybe the memory of Lacey can teach me to drown my sorrows. At the entrance I walk into Billy. He smiles at me, but I'm not certain I succeed in returning the gesture.<p>

"Hi Ruby. Good to see you."

"Yeah you too." It feels like a lie, when I say it out loud. He was nothing if not sweet to me the entire – however short – time we were dating. It just brings back more complicated emotions that I feel too tired to deal with. I avoid his gaze and continue my walk, when I hear him turn around.

"A mouse", he says and I would jump if I didn't feel so exhausted. Really not a fan of mice. As a human anyway, I'm sure the wolf would love to snack on some.

"Where?" I turn around and face him again.

"No", he chuckles. "I meant I used to be a mouse. Gus was my name."

"Oh. Well, can I still call you Billy?"

"Sure. Do you think we could have a drink sometime? I mean if it's not too much-"

"Billy look, my life is a little complicated right now. Sorry, I um… I gotta go." He nods and a little of that disappointed expression returns to his face. I can't bring myself to care right now. Finally, he walks away.

I walk into the Rabbit Hole, somehow hesitating because it feels different, now that I'm here on my own and not picking up Lacey. Belle. I don't think I'll ever get used to calling her that. I walk over and sit down at the counter. My body feels heavy, defeated. So I'll just drink away my sorrows, it seems to be working for everyone else. Lacey, Grumpy, Dr. Whale… I sigh. Martin comes over.

"Good evening beautiful. I'm surprised to see you here."

"Hi Martin."

"You don't look so happy." It makes me laugh. The sound is humorless though.

"Was I ever happy-looking when I walked in here before?"

He smiles, not a smile of joy but understanding.

"Fair point. But it was different, you seemed more angry then, but now you just look sad. Wanna tell me what happened?"

"The curse broke, that's what happened. Can I have something to drink?"

"Sure, what would you like?"

"I don't care, something strong." He gives me a look that I try to ignore.

"Why don't we start with a gin and tonic then?"

"Fine, whatever." He makes me one and I don't tell him that it tastes horrible. I'm more for the sugar, but honestly I just want to be drunk and senseless. And most importantly thoughtless. I can tell he's looking at me as he serves other customers and after a while he comes back. I'm halfway through my drink by then.

"So where's Lacey?" He asks.

"I don't know. In Mr. Gold's shop I imagine."

"You two had a fight?"

"You could say that."

"Because you look like someone who hurts. Maybe a lover's quarrel?" This makes me look at him in surprise and horror.

"You know?"

"About you and Lacey? Yeah I kinda figured", he says with a shrug.

"Does _everyone_ know?"

"No, most in here are too drunk to notice anything but their beers and the pool table, but I'm sober all night, you know. And from where I was standing it didn't look much like friendship. Not with the way you were watching her. It's not the first time I've seen someone persistently picking up their drunken loved ones every other night. You all have the same look."

"You are a quite perceptive bartender."

He gives me a look. "You were quite obviously not just her friend. I probably shouldn't tell you, but some of the guys placed bets on who'd make the first move and when."

"You just said they were too drunk to know!"

"I said _most_ were. But Jeff played pool with Lacey every night; he would have to be blind not to notice something. He kept teasing Lacey to make a move; she usually laughed and kicked his ass with a great shot. Man, that girl can play."

I laugh humorlessly again. "Well, you can tell your guys that the credit goes to Lacey. She kissed me the night she came to show you her AA-coin. Just outside actually." Despite myself, I can't help but smile a little at the memory. I miss the soft feel of her lips.

"I figured."

"What, you didn't think I'd be me?" He shakes his head and smiles.

"Not that I didn't think you could do it, you just seem a little less… forthcoming."

"You're quite the pocket analyzer, Martin."

"Sorry, I don't mean to pry."

I shake my head. "No, it's okay. Besides it doesn't matter now. The curse is broken and she won't acknowledge that the past couple of months were real so… Here I am. Can I get another one of these?"

"Sure you don't want a soda instead?"

"Just give me alcohol Martin!" He flinches at my sudden outburst. "Sorry", I say quickly and look down. My vision gets blurry. I try not be noticed, but I feel the rough skin of Martin's hand on my arm and know that I failed.

"I'm sorry it went bad, sweetheart. There isn't anything you can do?" He leans onto the counter closer to me, as if to make the conversation more private.

"I tried", I say, sniffle and dry my eyes. "It doesn't seem to help."

"I'm sorry", he says again. "Anything_ I_ can do?"

"No." I shake my head. "But thank you." I feel the tears pressing on again and decide to change the subject. "So who are you, Martin? Why are you all still in here now that the curse is broken? This seems about the only place completely unaffected by the changes."

"Well, Ruby, most of us was mere peasants and villagers. Perhaps a soldier or two, as in my case. We drank then and we drink now. Life isn't much different."

"Is your name still Martin?"

He shrugs. "I guess so."

I drink my second gin and tonic in silence. It tastes too horrible and I lose interest in it. When it's empty I get my coat and say good night to Martin, then head home, giving up on getting myself drunk. It's cold and quiet out here. The moon is out, and it is indeed close to being full. So close it makes the wolf stir within me. I get a shiver as my skin starts to crawl with animalistic excitement.

Granny is standing at the door waiting for me, when I get home.

"Where have you been girl?"

"At The Rabbit Hole. No I'm not drunk, I just… needed some space." She looks like she wants to yell, but have thought better of it.

"Get in and go to sleep girl. Don't you know what time of month it is tomorrow?"

I nod. "I know. Wolf time." I walk past her into the diner and head for the stairs that leads to our apartment.

"Do you know where your hood is?"

I shake my head and keep walking. She's silent and it's unsettling. I turn around to her meet her grave expression.

"I can't find it."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: ****So I thought it would be funny to incorporate a version of S2E7 Child of the moon. Of course some things are slightly different, because the early appearance of Lacey has changed the storyline just a bit. Once again I emphasize that I do not own the show or its characters. Or the lines I use from the show. Most of that comes later chapters, but I did bring in one here (out of context though), see if you can find it.******

**My point being: If you guys haven't watched Child of the Moon yet now's the time. Spoilers and stuff. Also because that episode is awesome.**

**Chapter 14: A Caged Wolf Is An Unhappy One **

"Did you check the closet again?"

"I checked Granny, it's not there!"

My quiet anxiety is slowly building to a full scale panic attack. We are both thinking the same thing. I haven't turned in twenty eight years. There is no way of knowing if I can control it, but chances are I can't. It takes a composed mind to control the wolf and that isn't exactly the description of me these days.

By the time the diner is set to open neither of us is in any state to be attending other people, but Granny puts on a customer-friendly face and opens anyway. She has hired extra help today and sent me away to search the apartment through again. I give up around the time the building looks like the third world war.

"Maybe it didn't make it across?"

"Maybe not. This is bad Ruby."

"Don't tell me that! How come your made-of-wood freaking crossbow makes it, but my magical hood doesn't?"

"I don't know Ruby."

"Well, what are we gonna do?"

Granny is silent for a minute, pausing at the cash register. Then her face lights up as an idea dawns her.

"We build a cage."

"A cage?"

"Yes girl, a cage. Start emptying the freezer in the back, that's the strongest thing we have." I stare at her, but she seems to be serious. I'm having a hard time imagining that a giant freezer is going to rein the wolf in.

"Well, what about the food?"

"It gets bad. We have other things to worry about. Get going!"

I obey and start removing everything from the room. Granny puts up a 'closing early' sign. Apart from biscuits and fruit there will be nothing good to serve people for the next couple of days anyway. This is if I leave the diner intact during my turn. It feels like this is what's gonna make my head explode. Snow is gone, Lacey is gone and soon my humanity will be taken from me once again. Rumpelstiltskin is right, the wolf doesn't fit into this world and most of the people here don't even know about it. They didn't know me as Red. There's a whole town full of innocent people left at mercy if a mindless, savage creature. That's what I will be in some hours. A ferocious beast in a cage. Hopefully I don't break free.

The bell on the door to the diner rings and in walks David. He looks upset. He takes another look at the stacks of food and his expression changes to surprise.

"What's happening?" He asks.

"Wolf time", I tell him. "We're building a cage." He catches on quickly and starts to help me move the food and take the shelves down inside the freezer. The distress sneaks back to his face as he works.

"What's wrong David?" I ask him.

"Nothing."

"Come on. I'm turning into a monster in a few hours. Humor me."

He makes a grimace as if he's not sure whether to smile at me or not.

"It's Spencer. King George, my adopted father. He… came to see me earlier. He was implying that I have no business running this town and he challenged me. Told me he was going to prove that I don't have what it takes. I have to find out what he's up to. That man is capable of too many things."

I take the piece of cheese that he's holding. "Go then. Find out what he's up to. Granny and I have got it."

"You sure?"

I nod and smile. Friendly facades, as Gran calls them. He nods back and leaves the diner.

As he leaves someone else enters.

I was wrong. _This_ is what's gonna make my head explode.

Belle takes a look around. I try to hide out in the back, but I know that it's too late. She's seen me. I hear her say a polite hello to Granny and then walk my way. I can still separate her footsteps from any others. Of course now that my wolf hearing is back at full force I can separate most footsteps.

"Ruby? Can we talk?"

"I'm a little busy here Belle." I push beside her without looking at her. She walks after me out to the back of the kitchen where I've continued stacking the food from the stock in the freezer. Our smaller freezer in the back is already overloading.

"Well, what's happenin'?"

"Wolf time", I tell her. First she doesn't seem to understand me. Then it dawns her.

"You're the werewolf."

"Right."

"Ruby please…"

I turn around and face her, crossing my arms.

"What?"

That takes her by surprise. Then she starts fiddling with something in her hands.

"Just need to talk. I don't know who to talk to. I didn't have friends here other than you. It's just that…" She trails off and looks away. When I'm about to make a move to leave the room, she meets my gaze again and goes on: "I wasn't cursed the same way the rest of you were. I didn't really have an identity, so I shouldn't have a problem knowin' who I am. Still I'm so confused _all_ the time. I know that as Belle, I never touched alcohol in my life and now I want to drink." She looks down at her hands and that something she's been holding shines in the light. It turns out to be her AA coin. "I look at this coin and it only makes me think of you. Won't you take it?" She stretches out her hand towards me, handing me the coin.

I look at her in disbelief. "What? No! I don't want to take away the only reminder you have of me!"

"I don't know what to do here Ruby!"

"Well figure it out! I don't have time for this. I'll be turning into a wolf in a few hours. You really don't want to hang around for that. Please leave!" I walk away.

"What if I do?" She asks.

"You don't", I answer and leave her standing in the kitchen, trying not to let her words get to me. It's time to find out if this town has got any chains strong enough to contain the wolf.

* * *

><p>As the dark falls upon Storybrooke I sit in our giant freezer, tense and nervous, but at the same time filled with a childish anticipation. There are chains around my wrists and chains on the outside, supporting the built-in lock. The stirring of the wolf is growing by the minute, itching in my skin and sending shivers down my spine.<p>

I've read a lot of teenage novels about werewolves. Even when I was just Ruby I was drawn to this particular mythology. I felt like it spoke to me in some way. I found that silly, so I didn't tell anyone, but of course now I know it really did speak to me. In most of these stories the werewolf only turns when watching the full moon. Like the sight of it triggers the transformation. If only it was that easy. I would just stay indoors and stare at the ceiling all night and that would be it.

It's not that simple. As soon as the full moon is highest in the sky the curse finds me no matter where I am. God I miss my hood right now. I never liked the thing, but right now I want to bury myself in it.

That's when it happens. The familiar growing shiver. My body starts to tremble. The moon is up.

I fight with all my willpower to stay focused, feel every aching twist of my body as it metamorphs into the wolf. My mind starts to flicker, receiving only glimpses. The room changes as my body grows in size. The wolf is not happy with being in here…

… A growl rips through my throat…

… Claws hammering against the door. Metal creaking…

… The ground underneath my paws has changed. It's softer, warmer. I'm running…

… The smell of fresh air. The smell of forest. Wind in the trees, insects buzzing, every sound magnified…

* * *

><p>I wake up to the sound of someone calling my name.<p>

Granny is standing over me with her crossbow in one hand and the other one reaching out for me. David is standing beside her with a concerned look on his face.

"Where… Where am I?"

"In the forest, girl. You broke out."

"So it didn't work", I say, disappointed. I take her hand and get up. My body is still vaguely trembling from the turn and feels weak now that I'm back in human form. Sounds has subdued, smells vanished. The world seems a little bleaker.

"How much do you remember?" David asks.

I try to recall last night. I was turning, feeling like a caged animal, for good reasons. I was running… Running where? In here?

"I remember starting to turn and then it got sort of blurry. I remember I was running and it smelled like fresh air and forest. Then I woke up here. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Ruby. Let's get you back to town", David says and we start to walk. His phone buzzes and his expression becomes worried again as he checks the message.

"I've got to go, see you back there." Then he runs.

"I really was hoping I could control it. I really tried."

"We didn't expect you to, girl. It's been a long time."

"Yeah..."

"We will have to order a new freezer though." I laugh. Not because it's funny that I completely wrecked it, but because of the absurdity of it. I realize how used I've gotten to live like a normal person. So accustomed to it, that turning into a wolf feels surreal even though it's been happening since I was thirteen.

I'm not sure I even like being myself again. Regina thought she was punishing us by erasing who we were. Now I'm thinking that she underestimated how much crap we wanted to forget. How much we were actually starting to like our new lives.

I laugh again when I actually see the amount of damage caused to the metal cage I've broken out of. Sometimes I'm still taken aback by the power of the wolf.

When we walk back into the diner David is there again. The worry is still evident in his face. I don't like it.

"Ruby, do you have a sec?" He asks.

"Um, sure."

"I'll make some calls about a new freezer. We'll have to figure out something else for tonight." It's true, wolf time is two nights. Like some sort of aftermath. I wonder what kind of damage I'll be causing then. I try to push it aside, even if it is just for a few hours.

"What's up David?"

"We have a missing person's report. Billy Carson. Or known to some as Gus the mouse. He didn't show up for work today, which is unusual and he's not at home, his coworkers said. They said you might know something?"

"Why would I know something?" I ask warily.

"They just said that he's been talking about you a while back, like you two were something of a thing… I just wanted to ask you, if you have any idea, where he might be?"

"I don't." There's a growing panic in my gut and I voice my concern. "David, what if _I'm_ the reason he's missing? What if I did something during my blackout?"

"Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here okay?"

"We can help find him", Granny says as she reenters the diner. "Ruby can track him by smell."

I nod silently, not sure that I want to. I have a bad feeling about this.

"That would be great, now that we can't rely on Emma's skill to find people."

"It's been months since Ruby had anything to do with that boy. Don't try to pin anything on her."

"I'm not, I'm just asking a few questions. It's a sheriff's job." Granny is eyeing David suspiciously, but doesn't say any more.

"Actually I met him just the day before yesterday. We just talked for a few minutes."

"That doesn't change anything. Come on", Granny says. David and I follow her outside and we take the cars. The diner is kept closed for now.

"He works at the mechanic shop, so let's see if you can pick up anything from there."

Granny nods. "Down by the dock, I know it. We'll lead."

She starts driving. Her face wears a grave expression. We sit in silence as the cars move through town downwards. I still feel the anxiety growing in my gut and spreading throughout my system.

"Granny, what if I did it?"

"Don't assume the worst Ruby, listen to David. Now, we're closing in, pull down the window and see if you pick something up."

I do as she says. First I smell the grease of the motor oils, a variety of human smells, most of them with a quality of sweat. I concentrate harder, trying to separate Billy's from the rest.

"There it is!" I say out loud as I catch it. Not as sweaty as most of them, thank god. It's a natural smell mixed with that aftershave he wears.

"Which way Ruby?"

"The docks. Further down. He went that way."

As we drive the smell of Billy mixes with the fresh air from the ocean. Fresh air… It reminds me of something, but I can't make out what it is.

As we reach the end of the driveway by the dock we get out. As I step out of the car every smell becomes more vivid. And there's more.

"I smell blood."

The anxiety is creeping into the surface of my skin as I approach a truck standing a few feet in front of us. The smell is coming from there. My heart starts to pound impossibly hard against my ribcage as I take one insecure step after the other. David arrives and follows us.

"What is it Ruby?"

I walk around the truck.

There is a leg hanging out the side of the trunk.

The leg is so torn it's barely recognizable as something human.

The smell of blood intensifies and so does the smell of Billy.

I start to scream.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: So in this chapter I took **_**a lot**_** from Child of the moon. It was really fun to try and narrate what we've all seen on screen. Hope I've been true to it.**

**Chapter 15: The Monster Is Out **

Before my eyes I see flashes of Peter's ravaged body. I can't believe I did it again. After so many years of being careful, after finally controlling my curse, I'm back in the hole of blood and bodies.

"It was the wolf! It was me!" I scream as Granny tries to pull me away. The worst part is I knew this would happen, I just didn't want to believe it.

David jumps up on the truck to confirm that it's Billy and his face twists in disgust as he takes a closer look at the mauled body. He might as well have directed that disgusted glance at me. I can only see the leg, but I've seen enough of my former victims to know what the rest looks like. I don't need to see any more.

There's a crowd gathering around us, probably because they heard me scream.

David walks over to me by the car that I've backed into in a subconscious urge to get as far away from Billy's body as possible.

"Ruby, you didn't do this. It has to be something else."

"No!" I scream at him. "I did this, we both know it!"

"A few months back everyone thought Mary Margaret was guilty of murder. She needed someone to believe in her. I didn't do that. I'm not gonna make the same mistake with you."

"Snow never killed anyone, I have!"

He grips me by the arm, gently. "I know who you really are Ruby, even if you've lost sight of it."

"That doesn't change the fact that I'm gonna turn again tonight and somebody else could get hurt."

"Maybe this isn't the place to have this discussion", Granny interrupts and eyes the crowd, which continues to grow in size. A man steps in front of it. It's Spencer. I recognize him because he used to complain about the outfits I used to wear at the diner.

"I told you you couldn't take care of the town David. Look what happened. You trusted a werewolf and now someone has died!" He yells while looking straight at David.

"Not now Spencer!" David yells back and takes no further notice of him. "I need someone to call for doctor Whale!" He then turns to me. "I'll protect you Ruby."

"No, lock me up! If the freezer couldn't hold me maybe a jail cell will." I sniffle and try to control the tears. "I don't need protection from other people, David, _other people_ needs protection from _me_."

The people in the crowd keep yelling, making a mess of their voices. I take a look around at the angry, scared faces standing behind Spencer. Just like the mob that drove me away from my home after I killed Peter. History is repeating itself and once again it's out of my control.

I let David take me to the station.

* * *

><p>The cell door closes behind me and I sit down on the bench in there. Being in here reminds me of David's argument for believing in me. They arrested Snow once, long before the curse was lifted, like he reminded me. When they thought she killed Kathryn, David's pretend-wife. It seems we always end up in places like this, her and I. The only difference is that Snow never hurt anyone and I am in fact a killer.<p>

"You'll be safe here tonight", David says as he goes around the desk to check messages. I highly doubt that I or anyone for that matter will be safe, but I thank him anyway. "Thank me in the morning", he says. "By then I'll have found whoever really killed Billy."

Footsteps approaches and Spencer walks in. By now I know that this is King George, the man David was worried about yesterday.

"You already have", he says in a cold voice and looks at me. "That thing. That she-wolf." Every word he says is true, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

"Get out", David says and walks to him. "Whatever issues you have with me doesn't involve her. There's no proof Ruby had anything to do with what happened."

Spencer turns his cold gaze to him. "It seems to me that you're allowing you emotions to cloud your judgment."

I've had enough. "Leave him alone!" I shout, desperate to direct my torn up emotions at someone. If the cell hadn't been in the way I might have attacked him just like I attacked Regina fruitlessly some days ago. For now I'm held back by the bars. Spencer barely spares me a glance.

"Protecting your friend at the peril of everyone else. I knew you'd slip up, shepherd. It was only a matter of time."

"What do you want?" David asks him. I can tell his patience is slipping up.

"Justice. Hand her over to me and let the town decide her fate."

"Never! I know exactly what kind of justice _you_ have in mind."

There's a creepy smile forming on Spencer's old, wrinkled lips. "The town is bigger than you think. If I start telling people, that you're putting their lives at stake to protect your own interests, you'll have a mutiny on your hands."

"Yeah, we'll see. You want her, you have to go through me." In this moment I feel so many warm feelings towards David. He was never even my friend by choice, yet he's protecting me with everything he's got.

Spencer looks oddly pleased by his answer. "I look forward to that."

He finally turns around and leaves. David and I share a few looks, before he leaves too. Says he has to go look at the body and try to solve this thing. I nod, but say nothing. His confidence is heartwarming, but useless. I can't tell him that.

Once the station is quiet and deserted I bury my face in my hands and wish myself away. Anywhere but here. I find myself wishing that I had gone to help Snow and Emma with the wraith. Maybe it would have taken me down with it instead. David and the other's think that they might be back in the Enchanted Forest. According to Regina it might just still exist. At least there I would have some sort of comfort in the familiar scenery. Maybe I would have known what to do there.

Here I feel lost.

An hour or so tick away. Every minute I get closer to second round of wolf time, the restlessness increases. The wolf is getting ready to launch again. Lash out again. It has great many years to make up for. I'm having doubts about this cell, now that I'm sitting here. A giant metal box couldn't hold me. These bars look like I could break them even without wolf-powers. In wolf-form I suspect they might snap like toothpicks.

Footsteps. Lacey.

I look up to see Belle enter the room. She looks sad.

"Ruby, are you okay?"

I can't help exhale a breath that sounds close to laughter.

"Well, do I look okay?"

"No", she says. "My father and the whole town are sayin' you killed Billy, so I went to find you. David told me he took you in."

"I told him to. You shouldn't associate with murderers." The word draws a grimace on her face, like the sound of it hurts her.

"Don't say that. You couldn't possibly have done it, I know you."

I scoff. "Obviously you don't. You know Ruby, but you have no clue who Red is and what she is capable of. What _I'm_ capable of. I did it."

She shakes her head. "I don't believe it."

"You can't just deny it Belle!"

"You can't just _believe_ it when there's no evidence."

"Obviously you didn't see the body", I mumble and look away.

"Ruby…"

"What do you want, Belle?" She shuts her mouth again and takes a long look at me. The feel of it makes me want to claw my way out through the back wall to escape her glance. I know that look, there's longing in it. Just like when she looked at me in the library. How does she keep toying with me like this? Why? I don't ask her though. There's something else in it, sadness. I'm afraid to know what that's about.

"I broke up with Rumple", she finally says. This hurts far more than I expected it would. It hurts because it _should_ make me happy, but with everything that has happened in the last twenty four hours there's no way I'll ever allow myself near her or anyone I love again. If I can get the wolf under control then maybe, but I don't see that happening. It feels so different here. I think the wolf realizes that my mind is split between two; Red, the one that the wolf is a part of and Ruby, the simple small-town rebel, who has nothing to do with mythological creates, let alone has any control over it.

"Please say somethin'", Belle says. I look up at her, reluctantly.

"Why did you?" I ask.

"He couldn't keep his promise. He sent the wraith after Regina-"

"Told you", I mumble under my breath, but I'm not sure she realizes.

"- after he promised me he wouldn't use magic. And he told Spencer that you're a werewolf."

"What?"

"Spencer didn't know. Because of Rumple, he and my own father and the rest of the town are after you. That's unforgivable."

I guess that evil bastard found a loop hole in his promise after all. It doesn't change anything though.

"What doesn't change? Us?" I realize I must have said the last thing out loud.

I sigh. "Yeah."

"Why not?"

There's a familiar anger building up in my gut. I get up and walk to the bars to face Belle properly.

"Well, first of all because you don't get to decide everything. You can't just expect me to stand ready for you when you get rid of your maniac boyfriend after having dumped me the way you did. Secondly, I told you I love you and you told me to stop calling you Lacey. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? And thirdly, because there is no way in hell I'm letting you be anywhere near me, now that the wolf is back. I'm a monster Belle, I _will _hurt you eventually. If I had known this back then I would never have allowed myself to be close to you."

"Don't say that", she whispers in a paper thin voice.

"Did your dear Rumple tell you what happened to Peter? My boyfriend back in the Enchanted Forest?" The fury is supporting my voice, making it out as sharp and icy. She quietly shakes her head. "Well I ate him. We thought he was the wolf back then, so he tied himself to a tree to prevent himself from hurting me, while I stayed with him." That same humorless laugh as before escapes my throat. "The moon came up and I turned into a wolf. And then I _ate him alive_. I had no control over it then. I was blacked out, so when Snow and Granny changed me back using my hood, I woke up to the sight of his wrecked, torn, blood spattered body." I hold up for a second, pained by the memory and continue in a much quieter voice. "I didn't know a person could be half eaten and still leave so much blood. And now I've done the same to Billy. I can't have the next person to be you. So please, leave while you still have a chance to get the hell away from me."

Belle is trembling and tears are running down her cheeks when I'm finished spitting every word at her. I realize of course that since no one can actually leave town, she can't exactly get away from me, but my point seems to sink in anyway.

"Ruby, I'm so sorry…" Is all she says.

"You're sorry? For _what_?"

"It must've been so horrible. But you said you couldn't control it then? That means you learned it afterwards?"

I can't believe this girl. How is she still alive, when every warning she ever gets so obviously flies right past her?

"Are you not hearing me? The same thing will happen to you if you don't stay away. So please do. Go away and _stay away_!" I turn around and sit back down on the bench.

"Ruby don't-"

"GO AWAY Belle!" I growl at her. The sudden animalistic quality to my voice startles her and she instantly backs a step away. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but I turn my head and stare at the back wall.

Finally I hear the sound of her turning on her heels and walking out. When she's out of sight I fall back down on the bench, bury my face in my hands again and give in to the tears.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Longings **

David comes back a few hours later looking exhausted. By then my tears have dried and I can put on a somewhat composed façade.

"They're still out there, right?" I ask him.

"Yeah, they are. I have calmed some of them down, but Spencer's got his way with the most of them. Belle's father is out there with them yelling curses about homosexuals, which confused me, but-"

"Just never mind that one", I quickly tell him. You have to love David for his cluelessness sometimes. I guess Snow didn't get a chance to tell him that part yet or she decided not to.

"Anyway I might have a lead that I have to check on."

"Honestly David, why bother? You know I did it. We all know that. Spencer's right, don't let the whole town turn against you because of me."

"Listen to me Ruby", he says earnestly and walks all up close to me. "No I don't. I will not stop until I have proof, and I'm betting they will be in your favor. There's a misunderstanding here and I'm sure Spencer is involved."

"Look Spencer didn't even know that I'm a wolf, Rumpelstiltskin told him."

"When?"

"I don't know, a couple of days ago I guess. Belle just told me that he did, not when."

"But if he just found out then he could be using this. It could be a setup Ruby!" I have to take a moment to admire David's conviction and I even get out a smile. "I have to go. We'll figure this out Ruby, trust me!" And with that he's out of the door again. I fall back against the fall and let the smile fade.

A setup? I doubt it. Setups take time to plan, Spencer can't have had long. Belle left out the details about when Rumpelstiltskin told him all those things. For all I know it could have been the same morning I killed Billy and it won't make any difference. The fact that Spencer now knows changes none of the facts. I'm a werewolf. I blacked out. Billy's dead.

The thought of blackouts takes me back to the time I first learned to control my curse. When I met my mother, Anita. Another kill on my conscience. Or another addition to my criminal record as they say in this world. To be honest I don't feel as bad about that one, because she would have killed Snow, the only real family I had at the time, even if she isn't blood related to me. Still, it would be a lie to say that killing your own mother doesn't mess with your head. I still wonder sometimes what it would have been like to be raised by a pack of wolves. I would probably feel like less of a freak. I wonder if I would be me. I wonder if it would be worth the trade to lose myself in exchange for not feeling like such a monster.

For a short period of time I was happy there. I ran freely and I've never felt so powerful in my life. The invincibility of the wolf really intensifies when you're among similar kinds. Best of all, I didn't need my hood, which I hated anyway, because with the exception of the full moon I could shape shift as I pleased. Even at the full moon I was in control. I remembered everything and I hunted without killing if I didn't want to. I find myself longing for that sense of control, even if it means losing my human self.

I think of Belle's words. What if I could control it again?

I sigh. The town would never understand. Belle is immune to common sense. Snow would understand, maybe even David. Granny wouldn't be pleased about seeing more of the wolf, but she would get it too. But Snow is gone and even if she wasn't it's still an impossibly small percentage of the town. I will be an outcast for the rest of my time here and God only knows if we'll ever leave. I will be hated, feared and shied away from. I will inspire disgust and taunt, curses and profanities.

When I hear the mob of angry, scared townsfolk outside gathering, thanks to my unparalleled wolf hearing, I know. No one will ever be happy or feel safe with me around, including myself. So why do it?

Belle believes I can regain control over the wolf. Maybe I can. Maybe I can control it just enough to direct it. Lead it right into the center of town and force the town to take action on me. I can be persuasive when I want to, as Granny once told me. And frightening too.

The surrealism of my plan hits me and I laugh quietly. It's funny in some way. My mother was homicidal and now I'm suicidal. Guess we are sort of alike. Like two different branches off the same tree, both very capable of taking lives.

I hear David approaching along with Granny and I compose my face again. They can't know. They'll never let me do it.

Seconds later David bursts through the door and I try to act surprised, while avoiding the eyes of my grandmother. For the first time I remember to keep in mind that Granny is skilled at finding out my secrets. Not this time.

"Ruby, we have to move! The mob will be coming for you here. They're running out of control."

He unlocks the cell and I follow him.

"Where are we going then?" I ask.

"To the library. They won't expect you to be there."

I stop dead for a second and have to remind myself to keep going. Of all places to bring me, why the damn library? If there was anyone it would be harder to keep my thoughts from it would be Belle. Not to mention almost impossible to walk away from.

Granny is carrying chains that look thicker than those we used last night. I wonder where she got those, but I don't ask. They're hanging over her right arm, while the left hand is gripping tightly on her crossbow.

We sneak out into the late evening and hurry to the library.

Belle opens the door as soon as we get there. She shoots a quick glance at me that I try to avoid and move aside to let us enter. She shows us to a room in the back. I start throwing the chains around some of the pipes, not confident they will hold. I can't bring myself to care.

"Thanks for letting her hide here", David says to her while taking down the books in the room they plan to keep me in. "The sheriff's station isn't safe."

"Of course. It's the least I can do." I can feel her eyes on me. When I say nothing she sighs lightly and helps remove the last of the books. It's typical Belle to insist on removing the books. I have realized during my time of watching her that she's quite fond of books now. I notice the Jules Verne I showed her one night laying on the table. When she picks it up she looks at me again. I feel like her stare drains me of energy. It's exhausting enough to keep up this façade of actually trying to safe myself, but even harder to withstand the pleading in her eyes. Inside me there's a struggle between being thrilled that she has finally come to her senses about the whole thing and at the same time feeling unbelievably despairing over the fact that she only did it now, when it's too late anyway.

"The crowd's six blocks away", Granny says, interrupting my thoughts.

"You have wolf hearing too?" Belle asks.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be. Especially when you run a hotel. Sometimes you hear too much." This makes Belle shut up and despite the horror of the situation there is an awkward silence as I – and probably Belle too – think back to all the moments Granny was not supposed to know about.

David looks completely oblivious.

"The only way we'll get the mob to stand down is if we prove that Ruby has nothing to do with Billy's death", he says. Then his face lights up and he looks from Belle to Granny. "I'm gonna need your help", he says to Gran and then adds to us. "If the mob comes this way, call us." They get out quickly and leave Belle and me alone with each other.

"Ruby…" She starts, but I ignore her, focusing on the chains. There are four braces, meant for my arms and feet. I fiddle with one of the braces, avoiding eye contact.

"You need to leave", I say. "The moon is gonna be up soon."

"But will the chains hold?"

"Hopefully", I say indifferently.

"Then I'm stayin'." I meet her gaze for the first time. She has a determined look on her face. I sigh.

"I know David wants to believe the best, but I've killed before and I'll do it again, I told you. Everyone in this town is right to be afraid of me."

"Well I'm not", she says in the same tone she used in the kitchen yesterday when she implied she wanted to stay then too. _What if I do?_ She's such a fool.

"You _should_ be", I tell her. "It's not just a metaphoric inner monster anymore, Belle."

"No matter what you might've done in your past David sees the good in you, and so do I, so why can't you?" She reaches out a hand to touch me, but I pull away.

"Because you see the good in the wrong people." She looks at me with hurt eyes and I know that we both think of the same person. If you can even call him a person.

"I broke up with Rumple, I told you that."

"Yeah because he went all _revengeful_ for you."

"Because he won't change. And because he told Spencer you're a wolf." That still doesn't change the fact that I killed a man, but I don't say that.

"Yeah, that was really nice of him", I spit.

"That's not the important reason. I miss you Ruby. I… miss bein' Lacey. I want to drink all the time, but the reason I do is because back then I knew, that at the end of the night you were always there."

"I didn't think Lacey existed anymore."

"She does. I just thought it'd be easier to forget. But I couldn't." She reaches out to me again and takes me by the arm. "You made me see that we're both now. I miss you Ruby and I-I want to get to know Red, 'cause…"

"What?"

"Because I love you too."

I don't speak. I don't know whether to smile or cry, because the words coming out of her mouth are the ones I've been longing to hear, but it all seems too late now. Still, I feel my body betraying me, turning the heat in my gut back up, reacting to the longing look in Belle's eyes. Lacey's eyes.

I decide it doesn't matter. I step forward and kiss her. She's with me instantly, pulling me close and tangling her hands into my hair and my god have I missed this. It's been so long. The soft noise she makes is making me lightheaded.

I feel the wolf stirring within me, but in a new way I haven't felt before. The heat is more raw and intensified as the animalistic site of my nature clouds my head and draws out a new level of passion. I turn us around and push her to the wall with a lot more force that I would normally use, pin her to it and start placing kisses and soft bites down her throat. I have to remind myself not to bite too hard. I run a hand up the back of her thigh, scraping the fabric of her jeans with my fingernails, and a low growl rips through my throat as she moans and leans into the touch. I go back to her mouth and she kisses me desperately, still pulling at my hair. For a moment she's Lacey again. She feels like Lacey.

I have to go. I bite down on her bottom lip with my teeth and it makes her hum with excitement. I feel dizzy. I have to go.

It takes a second to remember what I have planned to do. Lacey's tongue is tracing my lips and couldn't I just do this forever? No, the growling creature in my gut makes sure I know it.

I move my left right hand down her body and over to the pipes holding one of the braces, which I opened before. With a click it closes around her wrist. I break the kiss and the disappointed whimper she makes almost kills me.

"I'm sorry Lacey", I whisper against her face. "I really am." I caress her face and look into her surprised blue eyes once more before turning around and heading for the door.

"N-no, what are you doin'?"

It takes all my strength to meet her gaze this time.

"I can't let you stop me. I have to make sure I don't ever hurt anyone again. The mob wants a wolf. I'm gonna give them one." And pay for all I've done.

"They'll kill you", she says. Her eyes are pleading again.

"Isn't that what I deserve?"

"Ruby, please don't", she whispers, but I can't. I shake my head, try not to take notice of the tears in the corners of her eyes and leave the room.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Tamed Or Untamed? **

I am only vaguely aware of the wind blowing by my face, the soft ground underneath the wolf's paws. I don't know where I am, but the wolf does. I have finally let my real inner monster break lose and I'm directing it towards the center of town, but the road taken is not mine to decide. I see in glimpses only partly conscious in my wolf-form, the way I was before I met my mother and learned to control it. I feel a fundamental thrill about the fact that I'm even partly awake. It's better than before, back when I killed Peter. That was an absolute blackout, not unlike yesterday when I killed Billy. This time I have thoughts of my own, I can think while the wolf races towards the end. I can send thoughts out to the people I will miss, when the mob kills me and it will all be over.

* * *

><p>There's fresh air as my consciousness comes back into focus. I can hear them. I can see the fire from their torches. The sight of them flashes me back to the first mob that chased me away. The wolf howls. It feels frightened and trapped in this town, because it too knows that it can't escape here. The animal has a greater will to fight and live than my human self. It has fewer thoughts. It howls again as I'm pushed out of its mind once more.<p>

* * *

><p>I'm standing between containers and I hear the sound of the ocean. A man is pointing a gun at me. It confuses my wild mind to know what a gun is, since I don't by nature recognize the thing. I know by instinct that it's dangerous though and I take a step forward and growl louder. He raises it.<p>

It fires.

The bullet is sent adrift and the gun hits the ground. I turn my head to see a woman I know I should recognize standing on top of a building holding a crossbow. _Granny. This is Granny_.

I growl again, confused and frightened.

The crowd of humans in front of me lead by the human with the gun is shouting and filling my ears with noise. I try to make them back off by growling louder.

Someone is calling a name. I think it's mine. I sharpen my claws against the hard ground ready to leap forward and tear the stranger up if he comes any closer. I bare my teeth at him.

"Ruby?"

Somewhere in the back of my mind the voice feels familiar.

"Ruby, I know you're in there, so listen to me. It was Spencer, not you." _It was Spencer, not you._ Spencer. The man with the gun. The man in front of me now. It's David? "Don't let him trick you into thinking you're a monster".

_Who are you calling a monster_, I roar and get ready to launch at him. He backs away immediately, looking remarkably unthreatening. I subdue to a low growl and try to make out the words.

"-right. Poor… poor choice of words. Please. Ruby, I know you." He knows me. _He's David. _"I know the real you and I know you can control the wolf."

The wolf. Me, I'm the wolf. I feel my body calming. I'm the wolf.

"Ruby." He keeps saying my name. Ruby, that's my name. My name is also Red. He whispers it again.

I feel something shifting into focus. I'm Ruby. I'm Red. I'm the wolf.

"Ruby?" He keeps saying my name as if to remind me that I'm a person. And I am. It starts coming back. This was how I learned in the first place. By accepting the whole truth, the wolf and the human. I am both, just like Snow says, my best friend. I can see their faces before my eyes now. Snow, who is gone, Granny who's standing on top of the building pointing her crossbow at Spencer. _It was Spencer, not you._ So it really wasn't me. I recall words David said to the crowd just before, that was caught by my wolf ears, but not understood: _He stole her cloak and killed Billy in cold blood to make it look like a wolf. All to get you to think I wasn't leading this town as I should_. The cloak. My hood. I realize that the thing hanging from David's hands is my hood.

"Ruby, it's me, David."

I nod to tell him I recognize him now, but I don't think he understands me.

I see all their faces before my eyes again. I go through it all backwards. Getting here. Running from the library. Escaping the library by chaining Belle to the pipes. Kissing Belle. God, that kiss…

I sit down, lightheaded, but finally in control again.

David throws the hood over me.

I feel my body shiver and shrink back into human size. As I look up I'm staring directly into his friendly eyes. He holds out a hand and helps me up. My body is a little shaken from the sudden shift in form.

"You saved me", I tell him.

He smiles at me. "You saved yourself. I just reminded you of what you already knew."

I can't believe that this optimistic fool was actually right. Belle too. They really were right.

"I didn't kill Billy?" I have to hear him say it.

"No. Spencer did. We found your hood in his car." I smile out of relief and almost feel bad because I remember that poor Billy is still dead. Sweet Billy with those warm eyes and gentleman manners.

There's a noise from the crowd, which looks torn. Half the people look confused and embarrassed. I see Maurice, Belle's father shoot me a mean glance before leaving. It makes me think of David commenting on him calling out anti-gay curses earlier in the day. There's an issue that can't be helped with a red hood.

People are being pushed around and David and I hurry over there to find Granny on the ground.

"Granny, are you okay?" I exclaim. I quickly help her up.

"I'm fine."

"Where's Spencer?" David asks.

"He ran. Pushed me down and ran away. Go get him, go!"

I know what she means. His scent is still strong and there's a clear track of him leading away from here. Following him now that my wolf-powers are at its best will be child's play.

We get in David's car and I lead him to the beach.

We find him hovering over a fire.

"You think you can hide from a wolf?" I snarl at him. The wolf might be contained under the cloak, but its wild, untamed hatred for this man still floats in my blood, now that I'm fully connected to it.

David walks in front and they talk. My mind is drawn to something else. The animal in me is stealing away my focus as I replay my goodbye to Belle. It somehow saddens me, because she finally gave in to me and what did I do? I locked her up in her own library and went to have myself killed. And I didn't try to hide that fact. Different emotions keep washing through me all in a few seconds. Being proud of myself for controlling the wolf again. Being worried that Belle might not want anything to do with me after the stunt I pulled. Being thrilled that I'm still alive. It also hit's me just how terrible a move it was to lock Belle up. I had limited choices at hand at the moment, but thinking back I might just have chosen the worst. Lacey started drinking due to the trauma of being locked up. I have nothing left, but to hope Belle is more resilient. Suddenly I'm positive she won't want to see me again ever.

There's a shift in the atmosphere. David has suddenly become more cautious and Spencer is wearing that mean, creepy smile again.

"… You'll never see your wife and daughter again", I hear him say as he draws something from the coat and throws it into the fire.

The hat. The portal.

David yells in pain and pushes Spencer aside. I stand frozen and watch the flames eat the black fabric of the hat, realizing Snow and Emma's way back have just been lost.

David is pulling out a gun and pointing it at Spencer. For a moment I want him to shoot. For a moment I want to rip my hood off, change back into the wolf and devour this conscienceless, evil man. Then I recall the feeling of being a killer and I don't want that blood on David's hands after he just saved me.

"David, don't!"

He doesn't fire the gun, but stands there staring at the smirking Spencer with a shaking hand. With a pained groan he drops it and falls to his knees on the sandy ground.

* * *

><p>After locking Spencer up, we return to his apartment. His, Emma's and Snow's, at the moment only occupied by him and Henry. David is standing with his back turned to me, gazing at the sleeping boy. I stand from a distance, watching them both while hugging my hood close to my body. Honestly I don't need it, now that David has helped me regain control over the wolf, but I wouldn't be able to bear human form until in a few hours without it. I used to hate this thing, but today it feels like my most precious possession.<p>

"He may never see his mother or grandmother again. How am I gonna break that news to him?" He looks up at me.

"You won't have to", I tell him. I feel like I should be the optimistic fool now with David looking so tired. Also I want to believe it myself so badly, because otherwise I won't see my best friend again. I find that after all that has happened these last days I do believe my words.

David doesn't seem to though. "Travel between worlds is as hard as it comes. Fairy dust on its own isn't enough. It took an entire curse to get us here in the first place and without the hat-"

"You'll find another way", I interrupt.

"You don't know that." It saddens me to see the hope vanished from his eyes. David, who's always ready for a fight and never gives up. Just like Snow.

"But I know you", I tell him. "And I know you'll never give up until you do. And David, you're not gonna be doing this alone." Hell, if I'm gonna sit here doing nothing to get my friend and her daughter back. Besides, now that Belle might not want to speak to me again I need something to distract me. Crossing realms will do fine.

He finally smiles. "Thank you."

I smile back. Then I ask him: "Do you mind giving Granny a call?" I need to get out of here now. First things first, I can't wait to run off the anxiety, fear and despair my days has been filled with.

"Sure. Why, what for?"

I head for the door, longing to get outside now that David seems to have it together again. "I may have left Belle chained up in the library. Somebody should probably…"

"Unchain her?"

"Yeah." And it can't be me. It just can't.

"I'll take care of it", he says and I smile gratefully at him. "Where are you going?"

"I wanna do something I haven't done in a very long time."

"Yeah, what's that?" David asks with a crooked smile, like he already knows the answer. He knows the real me after all. My smile grows wider as I pull of the hood and give it to him.

"Run."

And I do. I start down the stairs already feeling my body responding to wolf time again, now that I'm no longer covered by the magic of the hood.

I run down the street as I change.

I break out of my skin and into the coat of fur, howling ecstatically as I start running for the forest.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: So originally I wanted to end it here and have a sweet make up, but I ended up doing it differently. Mostly because there's a lot of emotional aftermath to be dealt with after Ruby's suicide attempt, something they chose not to focus on in the show, I guess. Since this story is essentially about Ruby, I thought I should, so we have a couple more chapters to go. Hope you like it and as always, comments are greatly smiled upon.**

**Chapter 18: Returning To The Scene Of The Crime **

The feeling is inexplicable. It's power, it's freedom. It's sucking in every nuance of the air and feeling the texture of the forest floor in a whole new way. More intense than before. I'm awake and I'm aware of everything as I finally settle in to my wolf form with the acceptance and joy I have had once before. All my senses are heightened and my mind isn't clouded by human speculation. I'm only enjoying the moment and matters like Belle and crossing realms and angry mobs are but small prickles in the back of my mind. They hold no meaning as I run. The wild animal nature takes over as I pass tree by tree, flying through the forest, tracing the perimeter of the town border, careful not the cross it. I wouldn't give this up for anything in the world, not now.

I've forgotten how clear and vivid everything is through the senses of the wolf's body. I chase a rabbit, catch up with it in a second, but don't kill it. It's only a game this time and I'm not hungry. I don't have to kill. At last the choice is mine to make and I choose not to.

I howl as I run, letting out all the bad air in my lungs and draw in the fresh.

I never want to change back.

It's only as the wolf time comes to an end and my human thoughts emerge from the back of my mind that I know I have to. I want to stay wild and untamed, flying through the forest as I please, but I know I can't.

As the wolf time ends with the familiar shiver in my body, I shift back to human form. I know I could shift back again, but I also find that I can't run forever, not in a metaphoric manner anyway. The wolf could carry my anywhere, if not for the cursed borders, but it wouldn't solve my problems.

Sooner or later I have to face the town.

They might accept me and they might not. After all my reasons for handing myself over to the mercy of the town still stands, they just seems less pressing now that they saw I can control myself. Whether they actually believe it is another matter. I can only hope, but at least the menace leading them on is behind bars, the same ones I was just hours ago.

It's early in the day. The sun is coming up and the town is awakening. I wonder what this day will bring. More mobs with torches or acceptance? An assuring thought hits me: Most of them seem to put up with Regina. If they can handle an evil queen looking for redemption, sure they can handle a tamed werewolf.

That's one problem as close to solved as it gets, I guess.

Getting Snow and Emma back is something else entirely. My best guess is that it involves talking to the Dark One. I'd rather David and Regina take care of that conversation. I think he would be more reluctant to help if I started showing my face. He always seems to have something up his sleeve though. In the last week it's been my hood, before he handed it over to Spencer. There must be something else, equally powerful up there tomorrow.

Then there's the matter of Belle. I wonder how mad she is. How hurt or traumatized. I have to figure out what to say.

I start wandering into town with this thought in my head. I walk slowly, reluctantly because I don't know what to expect. Will she even talk to me?

I decide to swing by Granny first and let her know that I'm okay.

"Anyone home?" I ask as I step into the diner. There's a 'closed'-sign hanging on the door since most of our stock has probably gone bad, but if I know Granny right she's in here working somewhere.

"Out here Ruby!" She calls from the kitchen. I find her moving food around, a hopeless battle to keep everything cooled.

"How are you feeling?" She asks me as soon as I enter.

I smile. "Good. Great actually. It felt so good to be running again."

"Mm-hm. And you're fully in control again?"

"I am."

"That's good news. And we'll be receiving a new freezer tomorrow. Until then I'm trying to save as much as possible." She pauses and then walks all the way up to me and grips my arms tightly while piercing my eyes with that stern Granny-look.

"Granny-"

"Don't you ever do something like that again, you hear me girl?"

"I-I hear you. I'm sorry."

"Yeah you better be. Trying to _put yourself down_ like that. What were you thinking?"

"I'm really sorry, I was just so scared and everyone hated me and I couldn't control the wolf…" I trail of, caught off guard by the single tear in the corner of my grandmother's eyes. "Granny, are you crying?"

"Don't _ever_ do that again."

"I won't. I promise."

"Good." Then she pulls me in for a hug tighter than the grasp she had on my arms. I squeeze her and almost tear up myself. Not once during my headless suicide plan did I think of how it would affect Granny. Guilt wash over me and I squeeze her a little harder.

"You're gonna choke me, girl."

"Oh sorry!" I let go. Granny wipes her eyes. "Now help me with the food, we might be able to save some. If not the town will be having beer for breakfast for the next week."

We work in silence for a while.

Mindless work like this only keeps me thoughtless for so long. The thought of talking to Belle keeps coming to the surface, jabbing at me until I can't take it anymore.

"Granny, did you… talk to Belle? When you released her."

She shakes her head. "I had David do it. Was too busy with all this mess. She wasn't happy though." She doesn't say anymore, but gives me a look instead. Nothing else needs to be said. Another thing I silently promise to never do again.

She adds something after all: "You shouldn't have chained her."

"I know. I know. Look, I have to find her and talk to her. Can I go please?"

"Sure. Make sure she's okay."

"I plan to."

I leave the diner and head straight for her apartment on top of the library. I still have no idea where to start other than fifty kinds of apologies. I just hope she'll talk to me long enough for me to explain. Belle's a reasonable person, or at least Lacey was when sober, so I can only assume Belle is too.

The library's closed. I can't help but take this as a bad sign. I find my way to the apartment on top and knock on the door with a racing heartbeat so fast it makes the wolf twitch within me.

No answer. I try again. Still nothing.

My racing heart sinks. Perhaps she's just ignoring me. I put my ear to the door. With my wolf hearing I should be able to hear her move around or even shift in a seat if she's actually there.

After standing there for two hours I have to assume she's not.

I knock one last time, just in case she's sleeping very still, but receive nothing. She's not there.

I walk back into the street, which is now full of people. It's a regular week day, so people are out working. I recognize a lot of faces as the ones in the mob just yesterday. I receive a broad variety of looks. Some still have the same spiteful look in their eyes as yesterday or maybe slightly subdued, now that no one is leading them on. Others look embarrassed. These looks make me walk a bit taller. Their eyes admit that they were wrong. One even comes up to me and apologizes. I smile politely and thank her for apologizing, but know in my heart that it will take more than that to forgive her. There are people who shy away from me and people who act as if nothing has happened. These I don't like particularly more than those with hateful glances. It makes me angry that they think it means nothing, like they didn't almost participate in my public execution. Sure Spencer held the gun, but they lit his way with torches.

I push the building anger aside. Now is not the time.

I wager my options. The next possible places she would go would probably be either her father's or – the wolf snarls at the thought – Rumpelstiltskin's. Neither place is somewhere I want to be.

Her father's seems more likely, since she broke up with Gold. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. The two men might hate me equally, but only one of them can actually physically harm me.

I know that Maurice French, Belle's father, owns a flower shop. I found this out during the countless times I watched her right after the curse broke. The smell of flowers in abundance is a pretty easy thing to go by and I find him quickly.

Cautiously, I enter the shop. There's a bell ringing just like in Gold's shop and Belle's father comes out with what Granny refers to as a customer friendly smile. I recognize it. It's the kind of smile you put on when you have to look presentable and eager to please, but really something's bothering you.

As soon as he sees me his smile disappears.

"What do you want?" He asks in a hostile voice.

"I just want to talk to Belle."

"I'm not gonna let you near her. I don't want your kind around my family."

I thought I was prepared for the resistance this man was gonna meet me with, but his cold voice and that hateful look in his eyes makes my blood boil.

"Yeah, which kind is that? Werewolf? Or gay?" I snap at him. His small eyes squeeze tighter together.

"Neither should walk this earth."

I compose myself just in time before I start growling at him. He stands up straight, safely behind his counter with his arms crossed as he eyes me with disgust. It makes me want to tear his face up. I take a deep breath and try again in a calmer voice.

"Look, Mr. French I just want to talk to your daughter. Are you really gonna hide her from me?"

He laughs coldly. "Ha! I would, but I haven't even seen her since yesterday. We had a fight because she insisted on helping you. Foolish girl. Thanks to you she isn't welcome here anymore."

"You sent your own daughter away? What kind of man are you?" It's out of my mouth before I know it.

"I won't stand here and tolerate this from you. Get the hell out of my shop, you little freak."

This time I actually growl at him, a deep animal sound that rips through my throat. I watch with satisfaction as his eyes widen in shock and fear and he takes a step back. I walk out before he can say anymore.

Outside the twilight is creeping over the sky. I barely step out onto the pavement before a 'closed-sign is hung on the door to the flower shop. It's a little early to close, but I guess he got scared. I'm pleased. I just hope it won't infuriate Belle further that I scared her father. On the other hand, if he basically disowned her for trying to help me, I guess she'll be able to look at the funny side of it.

Now my steps feel even more reluctant and heavy as I head for Gold's shop in the other end of town. I could get there in the matter of minutes if I ran, but I take my time as I try once more to build up the courage to talk to the man. The real monster.

To be honest I don't know which thought makes me the most nervous: That he's disappointed his plan of hiding the hood didn't have me killed and he decides to finish the job, or that Belle has run back to him now because of what I did. God help me, if she told him I locked her up with chains he'll reduce me to ash in a heartbeat.

Too soon I reach his door. Most stores are closing up by now, but his seems to always be open. I guess this is the best place for keeping up his hobby of deal-making, so why bother closing at all. Does he even sleep? Does the Dark One obey human requirements like that?

I don't know. Either way he's in there, I can hear him walking around with his cane. I take a deep breath and push the door open.

He's standing by the counter, looking at me with an expression that is impossible to interpret. He says nothing as I walk hesitantly deeper into his weird shop.

"I need to talk to Belle."

"You have some nerve comin' here", he says. The way he says it makes it sound like a snake hissing. His face pulls back into a mean sneer that makes him look less human and more like the making of darkness, which he has become. How Belle ever saw any good in this man I can't comprehend, but I guess I shouldn't be one to talk.

"I just need to apologize to her. If she's here-"

"Belle's not here."

Despite his menacing voice I can't help but feel relieved. I try to hide my smile and know that I fail.

"My promise to Belle still stands, but I'll promise _you_ this: The second you get out of control again in the same town as her, I will personally have you put down."

The same reckless rage boils up in me once more as I say: "So you won't leave it to guys like Spencer next time? That was such an elegant loop hole you found there."

"Careful dearie", he hisses.

I ignore the piercing stare. "So I take it you don't know where she is?"

"If I knew, you would be the last person to tell."

"Yeah I figured", I say and walk out. I have to remind myself to walk out with dignity rather than sprint for the door, suddenly terrified that he's gonna kill me with a sith-lightning or something.

Out into the now full dark streets I run to a secure distance before trying to figure out my next move. I'm starting to worry. None of the places she would usually go to seems to be it. I even go back to her apartment one more time and I stand listening at the door to the library and peep through windows to see if she's in there. The obvious places are empty.

Then it hits me. There is another place, so painfully obvious that I didn't dare think about it before now. Of course it's not a familiar place to Belle, but just yesterday she admitted to Lacey shining through.

I run towards the Rabbit Hole.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Call Me Lacey**

I burst through the doors, not unlike the night I thought she had started drinking again. The problem is that this time I'm more certain that is actually the case.

"Belle!" I shout, but no one answers. I know where to find her though.

Just as I feared I find her by the pool table taking the shot that ends the game. Jeff yells. She really is a great player, and it seems that the curse breaking hasn't changed that. What is also obvious is that she is drunk like never before.

"She doesn't answer to that tonight", a familiar voice behind me says. I turn around.

"Martin."

"Good evening beautiful."

"Why doesn't she answer to Belle?"

"She seems to have drunken herself a few months back in time. Of course the guys only knew her as Lacey, so that helps."

"What do you mean drunk herself back in time? You mean she just forgot everything? People can do that?"

"If they're drunk enough." He doesn't say any more, but we both know that she probably is.

"I can't believe this", I sigh. Then I add, louder: "I'm taking her home."

"I tried to send her home hours ago, but she's quite determined to stay."

"Well, I'm a lot stronger now."

"So I gather. Hey Ruby?" I tear my eyes away from Belle to look at him. He looks serious and I'm instantly alarmed. "I just want you to know, that I think what Spencer did to you was horrible. I'm glad that bastard's locked up instead of you."

I smile briefly. "Thank you Martin. I have to go now."

"Sure. Let me know if you need help."

"I will. Thanks again." He nods and goes back to the counter. I head for the pool table.

"Belle it's time to leave", I say to her, but she doesn't even look up. I sigh and try something different. "Lacey!"

That makes her look. Her lips form a smile and she pushes herself away from the pool table.

"Ruby", she says with that same warm, flirtatious voice she would use back when I used to pick her up, before we got together.

"It's time to go home."

"One more game."

"No, _now_" I snarl and grip her arm. It's so easy to pull her away from the table now, well partly because she doesn't resist much.

"Already? Okay then." She turns her head and yell: "Bye, guys!" even though they're standing two feet from her.

"Bye Lacey, see you soon!" They yell back equally loud.

Martin hand me her coat and I pull it over her. She doesn't help much. I can't believe this. I just can't believe I drove her to this.

I say a quick good bye to Martin and Belle waves lazily as I pull her out of the door. As we get outside she sneaks a hand around my waist and hugs herself to me, everything just all too familiar.

"Can you cover my early shift tomorrow?" She says with that slurred voice I vividly recall from all those endless nights that looked exactly like this.

"You don't work at Granny's anymore, remember?"

"Oh okay, just take me home then."

"Yeah. To your own home. Do you have your key?"

"In my bra like always." Of course she has.

The walk is easier than usual, because my wolf strength can help carry her this time. It's a good thing, considering that the library is further away from the Rabbit Hole than our place. Still, the walk feels like it's going on forever. Even I start to mix up memories. It's just that I've missed having Lacey's body so close to mine, like it is right now, so warm… Belle. She's Belle. Not Lacey. Not anymore. I have to keep my head clear. I think at least one of us should.

We finally reach the library and I admit it's a bit of a struggle to get her up the narrow stairs to her apartment on top of it. The fresh air seems to have cleared Belle's head just slightly, but apparently not enough to find her own key. That leaves me to navigate her coat, top and bra to fish it out while trying very hard not to think about how much skin I'm touching. I need to keep my head in the game. Belle or Lacey or whoever she is right now, she's not herself. I have to get her sober and sort this thing out. I have to undo what I did to her, before I can even think of touching her the way I want to touch her right now.

To make matters worse she just smiles at me as I take the key out of her bra and open her door.

I've never even been in here before.

Belle walks in like she knows the place, so I guess she didn't forget everything, at least not on the subconscious level. I walk more hesitantly. It's a nice place, not too big, but perfect for Belle. The walls are filled with book cases and shelves with more fascinating stuff. A little like the shelves of Gold's shop, but I suspect these items are less magical or at least less dangerous.

Belle throws her coat away and disappears into the bedroom. I hang up her coat and my own leather jacket and follow her to make sure she's okay. She's walking steadier now, more in control over her movements. The air has cleared some of the alcohol from her system. When I get in there she has lost the top too and faces me, wearing only her bra.

She looks at me as I enter and smile.

"So you're gonna stay with me tonight."

"No, Belle, I just needed to make sure that you're okay. I'll come back tomorrow so we can talk."

"No stay", she says and walks over to me. "You used to always stay with me."

"Yeah, I know, but-"

"No but. Stay with me. I could throw up and drown in it…" It jerks a little at me, because I know she's right. I just have a feeling that staying tonight is a bad idea. "Sorry, that was kind of a gross thing to say. I just really want you to stay with me."

She's standing right before me, so close I can taste the booze in her breath. But is it possible that she isn't even that drunk? I mean, the way she looks at me, she's aware. She drunk, but not drunk as ever after all.

"Belle, listen-"

"Call me Lacey. It's what you want, right?" She keeps walking closer and I back away until my back is against the wall. She touches my arm with slim fingers, runs them up and down the fabric of my shirt with such a light, yet intriguing touch it makes me shiver.

"Right but…" Her other hand finds mine and wows her fingers in between mine. Then she leads the hand upwards, holding it to the wall at shoulder's height. I free it and let go of her fingers. "We can't do this now. You relapsed, you need to break out of it and we need to talk about what happened. I'm so sorry I just…" I trail of as she runs her free hand through my hair. The edges of her fingers reach all the way through to my skin and send another shiver down my spine.

"I don't want to talk."

Her hands move up to the collar of my shirt and pull it down. I stop her hands halfway.

"Not now then, but tomorrow. And nothing can happen until then."

She looks up at me with that teasing smile she used to give me and my shirt is suddenly off, leaving only a thin top to cover my skin from her touch.

"Why not?" She asks. I laugh nervously, trying to focus on something other than her finger tracing the line of bare skin between my skirt and top. I'm fighting to keep the heat subdued and the wolf from humming. I might be betrayed by my own body and just start to purr like a cat any second, ironically.

"Because…" Come on, pull yourself together. She's not Lacey, she's Belle now and you have to sort things out with her before engaging in this kind of thing. You might just end up making things worse.

The arguments are still waiting to come out of my mouth and Lacey's pushing me closer to the wall, until there's almost no air between our bodies. "We had a fight. We need to set things straight first. And you're not yourself tonight."

"There're other ways to set things straight", she says and starts pulling up my top, scraping the skin of my stomach with her short nails along the way. I gasp and catch her hands.

"Why are you so nervous?" She asks in the same soft, humming voice she's been using all night. And nights before while drunkenly flirting with me. "We've already done this before, haven't we?" The next breath gets stuck in my throat.

"So you do remember?" I breathe. How am I supposed to argue that she's too drunk to know what she's doing, when she obviously remembers everything? She's still confused, and very drunk, I keep telling myself. And she's not really Lacey, only half way. You can't give in to this.

She chuckles. "I remember some…" Her face is impossibly close. I can smell her skin, not the smell of booze, but the scent that is pure Lacey. It feels stronger now with my wolf senses and the impact is almost violent.

"I remember what your hair smells like", she says and dive into my mess of black hair. Her thick curls tickle my neck.

"Lacey, please…"

"I remember how soft your skin is…" Her fingers trace up my now naked arms and further up my shoulder, then downwards. I'm having a hard time keeping my breath steady. She's not Lacey. But she looks like Lacey. She smells like Lacey.

She's moving back into my line of sight and she smiles like Lacey.

"I remember what your lips taste like", she whispers and as she leans in she catches my bottom lip between her teeth. It takes everything in my not to give in and push her down on the floor right there. Still, I mentally kick myself for not having stopped this. I find that on some levels, so many levels, I just don't want to. But's this isn't right, I really shouldn't and I know it…

She lets go of my lip and I'm betrayed by a disappointed sigh, that I'm just not able to hold back. Her hands drop to my lower body, pushing me to the wall by the hips. The right hand starts moving down, as she digs her fingers into my skin. The heat is burning inside me and I reach out my hands to do something, maybe push her away, but she catches them. I give up and let her continue that thrilling exploration of my skin with her fingers. She moves her hand up my thigh again, higher… Not Lacey, not Lacey…

"I remember the noises you make, when I touch you like this." Her hand disappears underneath my skirt, going up further until…

I moan out loud, unable to hold it back any longer and lean into her touch. It's like that single sound is her cue. Her mouth is on mine in the next second and she kisses me with such intensity I just lose it right there. My hands are in her hair, on her body, everywhere removing barriers of fabric between us. Her tongue tastes like booze, but I find that it just doesn't matter anymore. Before my mind can regain any kind of common sense to form an argument to stop, most of our clothes have gone, we're on the bed and I'm the one pushing her down. My thoughts are a wicked mess in the back of my mind as I breathe in the scent of her naked skin and it starts to cover up all other senses, until the way she touches me takes me to a place, where I am too lost in our memories.

* * *

><p>I have no idea what time it is when I wake up. It feels like morning, maybe a little later. The room is lit by sunlight. The events of last night come back to me instantly and the ambivalence of my emotions hits me. How great it was. How wrong it was. How I should have stopped it. How I just can't bring myself to regret not having stopped it.<p>

I turn around to look at Lacey and am met with her sleeping face as first. Or so I think, but as I lie there, silently appreciating her beauty, she opens her eyes and looks at me. It's not the same eyes from last night; these are full of the wrong kind of fire.

"Lacey…?" The lines of anger start to draw on her face and she gets up with a rough movement that she obviously regrets as soon as she's upright. She winces in pain and holds a hand to her head, but says nothing to me.

The bliss of the moment is suddenly gone and I look for my clothes, feeling like we're about to have a conversation that would feel a whole lot less horrifying, if I'm at least dressed.

"This was _not_ supposed to happen", she says in a bleak, foreign voice.

"I know, Belle, I-" I say, avoiding her glance as I pull up my skirt.

"Oh you do? So why didn't you stop me?" I force myself to meet her eyes. She's furious. "You of all people know how I get, when I'm drunk."

"Yes I know, I'm sorry, I just wasn't prepared-"

"How's that exactly? I mean you've plenty of experience with Lacey, so-"

"Hey, I seem to remember you starting this. Am I supposed to be taking all the blame here?"

"I wouldn't've been drinkin', if you hadn't locked me in a small room and gone off to kill yourself. I was holdin' it together just fine until you did that!"

Her words send several jabs of pain and guilt through me, because I know she's right.

"I'm so sorry Belle."

"Do you have any idea how terrified I was? It's one thing standin' in there chained to the pipes, feelin' every bit as alone and helpless as I did bein' locked in the asylum, but I thought they killed you!" Her voice breaks and tears starts gathering in her eyes. "I've never felt as horrible in my entire life as I did, when David walked in to free me instead of you. I broke down, Ruby, it took me _five_ _hours_ to stop shakin'! When I did, it was because I had three shots of tequila to calm my nerves! And of course I couldn't stop then. So yes, I expect you to take blame for that!"

"I'm so sorry Belle", I say again.

"I just can't believe you'd do somethin' like that to me. You know me the best of all, and you did the two things that'd hurt me the most. I can't believe you did that." She's crying now, the tears streaming down her face and I think I'm crying too.

"If you could just let me explain…"

"Well, can you give me one good reason why it's okay to chain me down and tell me you're off to kill yourself?"

I was scared, I lost control and I lost hope. And I love you in a way that makes me just slightly insane.

"I wanted to make sure I wouldn't hurt you."

"Well you did."

"I was just so sad", I say, knowing it's a horrible excuse even though it's true.

"Not good enough."

"Belle, please listen-"

"Get out." Her voice is thin and broken. I look at her, pleading, but she crosses her arms and takes a step back from me. The tears continue to run down her cheeks and her eyes are starting to go red.

"Belle, don't do this…"

"Get out Ruby", she says with regained volume. Her voice is hard and merciless. I take one last look at the room, then her and I leave. I only manage to shut the door behind me, before my body starts trembling from sobbing.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: Old Habits Die Hard**

The rest of the day I'm as useless and broken down as ever. Granny has received the new freezer and has asked me to help set things up, but every so often she has to come pull me up from whatever corner I've been sitting in, staring into space, trying not to cry and failing miserably.

At last she's had enough.

"Alright girl, this can't go on. Tell me what happened." She says as she pulls me out to the back where the others can't hear us.

"It doesn't matter, there's nothing to do anyway", I cry, horrified at the thought of telling Granny how my ex-girlfriend seduced me after I found her drinking, because I drove her to it, and then instead of being the responsible one and putting her to bed, so we could wake up to an adult conversation I slept with her. I mean she's been great about the whole dating-a-girl-thing, but this? This is crossing the line.

"Doesn't look like nothing to me."

I sigh, knowing that I have to say something.

"Lacey… Belle's drinking again." It sounds weird to say, because Belle never really drank, even though she told me she had the cravings. There's an appropriate amount of disbelief on her face that I'm hopeful she'll just let it drop here, but I'm wrong.

"And you got her home? Gods, you have to make sure she joins those meetings again." I nod mutely, but she's still not done. She catches my eyes again. "Then what happened, Ruby? Her drinking never upset you to this degree." Oh god.

"Well, I got her home and she was drunk and I really tried not to, but um... we... And we were supposed to talk it out, but instead… well…" I can't say the words, but judging by Granny's change in facial expression she catches my drift.

"Ruby, you shouldn't have done that."

"I know! And then we had a huge fight, because she thinks that all of it is my fault." I start crying again.

"You shouldn't have left her chained in the first place."

"God, don't you think I realize that? I wasn't thinking! Please stop pointing fingers and help me out here!" I start walking around in the room unable to just stand there and look at her judgmental expression.

"First things first, girl."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Make sure she gets help. She won't want it from you right now, but make sure she gets it."

"I know, you said that. Not that I didn't think about it, you know."

"Don't use that tone with me girl, you're the one in trouble here." I look at her disbelievingly. Does she enjoy making me miserable right now? "Then you talk to her. Explain everything to her. I personally can't fathom why you would go to such lengths to settle whatever debt you think you're in with the town, but gods know you must have a reason. Make her understand and once she does, I guess you'll see." It occurs to me just how angry Granny is with me for the stunt I pulled with the wolf, but to my luck she has apparently decided not to take it out on me just yet.

I nod in understanding.

"Good. Now can we get the rest of the foods back in the freezer, before the last bit of it spoils?"

"Yes. Granny?" She turns around again and looks at me. "I love you. And I'm really sorry I put you through this."

She smiles. "I love you too girl. And I'll get over it. Now, come on. The faster we're done, the faster you can go find your girl."

* * *

><p>For the next nights I keep a close eye on the Rabbit Hole along with every other bar in the town. It's not unlikely that if she's desperate enough to avoid me, she would get out her comfort zone and drink somewhere else. I don't see her though. Not anywhere. I even check the liquor stores in town to see if she goes in there. It would be easy to pick up her scent, now that I'm so accustomed to it. And just got a refresh, I think to myself, not without a jab of guilt.<p>

She's nowhere to be found. I knock on her door a couple of times afraid that she's passed out in there somewhere, but she never opens. That doesn't settle my nerves though, but I figure it would just make matters worse if I break down her door. So I don't.

At last I decide to check with her sponsor. She might have contacted him again. They had sort of a great relationship, those two. Lacey told me – back when she was just Lacey – that they experienced a lot of the same problems. The inability to sleep for one thing.

If the schedule hasn't changed there's an AA-meeting tonight, so I go there and sit outside the room listening until they're done. I can't hear Belle in there, but maybe Nathan knows something, so I stick around.

When the door opens and the small group of people comes out, a few of them say hello to me. Some of the old ones have rejoined, it seems, probably because they – like Belle – realized their demons didn't go away with the curse. I say hello back without looking at their faces, too focused on spotting Nathan.

Instead I find Belle.

"Belle, you're here?"

She scoffs. A sound very unlike her. "You really think I'm so stupid I can't recognize my own pattern, when I see it? Or so helpless I can't act on it?" Her voice is so cold it hurts. A few of those, who use to see us meet here under much warmer atmospheres, steals surprised glances, but don't say anything.

"No, that's not what I meant. I just couldn't hear you in there."

"Well, I just didn't talk. Are you stalking me now?"

"No!" Yes. "I just want to talk."

"I don't." She walks away. I debate whether to go after her or not, but decide against it. Maybe small steps are better. It hurts like hell, but it might be a better way to get her forgiveness. At least now I know she's helping herself get better. First thing's first, as Granny put it. That has to be some consolation, even though I don't feel the slightest bit comforted at the moment.

* * *

><p>The next week thereafter I have no luck whatsoever. Every time I try to talk she walks away, only hearing the first two words of my explanation, which is usually 'I'm sorry' or 'please listen'. Not much to go on.<p>

I really do start to feel like a stalker. I feel like a crazy person. It's not like me to behave this way, but how else am I going to get close enough to her to actually talk? She didn't have a phone before the curse and I'm sure Gold didn't plan to give me the number to the one she has now.

The worst part of it is being alone with all my guilt and despair. Granny can only give me so much advice and there's still no hope of getting Snow back anytime soon. David is working on it like a horse, and I try to stay away, because they don't really need me for now. They're talking about putting him under a sleeping curse, just like the one Snow went under, so they can communicate. This involves a lot of talking to the Dark One, so we all think it's best if I stay away.

"You seem to be very skilled at pissing off the Dark One, it's likely we'll do much better without you", as Regina so kindly put it. So I stay away, wandering aimless around the town when Belle's working. To be fair I work a lot myself. Granny doesn't seem to think that heartache categorizes as long-term illness and she has put me on double shifts.

"It'll take your mind off things", she said. I didn't disagree.

The nights I don't work I usually spend trying to figure out how to get Belle to forgive me. Sometimes, like tonight I just wander around town hoping to run into her or that the surroundings will offer me some great epiphany on how to get her to talk to me.

Then as I walk down the far end of town I see her. Coming out of Gold's shop. I'm standing in front of her before I know it.

Belle gasps in surprise.

"Ruby! What are you doin' here?" She's so taken aback she forgets to use that cold foreign tone.

"Are you back together with _him_?" I demand, having lost every shred of delicacy on the topic.

She takes a moment to gather herself, and then the cool stare returns.

"What if I was?"

"What? You can't be serious?" My blood starts to boil. How many times can she rebound between us? "Wasn't he cruel to you? Didn't he betray your trust? You're gonna throw me away for a man who treats you like that? Are you _serious_?"

She scoffs. She does that a look these days. I find that it doesn't suit her at all.

"Never said I was. I was just in there as a favor for David. But just to be clear: You leaving me the way you did after I put my trust in you, feels a bit like a betrayal to me. And leaving me to wait for someone else to come tell me you're dead, is pretty cruel too, so how much different are you really?"

I kick myself internally for not foreseeing that one. She's right of course.

"God, I know. I shouldn't have said that."

"No."

"But, Belle, please let me explain. I didn't do it so hurt you for God's sake!"

She narrows her eyes and then starts to leave.

"Belle, please!"

She stops. Thank God, she's stopped. There's a first.

"Explain this to me then…" She says and then turns around again. I nod eagerly. "One thing that's been buggin' me, Ruby, is why then? Why would you possibly want to kill yourself? I don't understand. I told you I love you and your first impulse's to go get yourself executed?"

For some reason the anger is heating back up. She's finally letting me explain and all I think is why is she making this about herself?

"God, Belle, did you even consider that maybe that wasn't about you? Did you think that it was maybe because I was just sad in general and that I was tired of everyone hating me and being afraid of me? You know, before the curse it took me a long time to stop thinking of myself as a monster, but I finally got there and then this happens and once again I'm out of control. I thought I killed Billy! _Everything_ pointed to me, I even thought I could smell the air from the ocean during the glimpses I got, when I turned the first time, so how could I not believe it? I feel horrible for having put everyone though that, put to be honest I wasn't thinking very clearly during those days! I would still have done it if you hadn't been there. If you really must know, I almost didn't do it because of you. Because you were standing there with that… look in your eyes. And those things you said. But that didn't change the fact that I was convinced I would just end up killing you too! So yeah, that part was about you. Do you honestly think I could live with myself, if I hurt you like that? Just the thought, God! It was too much okay? There, you happy now?!"

She says nothing, but stares at me looking slightly shocked at my sudden outburst. My throat feels dry from yelling so much. I think for a moment and then add: "And I'm sorry my self-control is as bad as _yours_, but it was just because I miss you so god damn much!"

My throat really aches now, mostly because I'm trying to hold back tears. I feel like if she leaves now I've really lost her.

"I…" She says slowly. "Think I understand better now."

I sigh in relief.

"Thank god."

"I'm really glad you're okay, Ruby." She smiles a little and then her arms are around me in a tight hug. The smell of her fills my nose and her hair blocks my view. Every sense I have is taken up by her. Lacey…

"What?" She pushes me away. "You called me… Lacey?"

I look into her eyes with confusing, realizing I said her name out loud. Or what used to be her name.

"Um, I guess I did. Sorry?"

I try to get close to her again, but she resists me. Then takes a step back.

"I'm not sure I can do this."

There's a creeping panic attack zoning in on me, I can feel it.

"Do this, what , what do you mean?"

"You don't know me. The real me. Lacey's all I'll ever be to you."

"My God, Belle, we have been _over this_-"

"No, I get that both sides are real okay, but you only know the one. I can't be with you, if you'll only acknowledge the one you know. I need…" She starts backing away. When I walk towards her she puts out her hand in front of her.

"Belle, what the hell?"

"I need some time."

Then she turns around and leaves.

"Belle!" She runs. She's running from me. I've lost her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: The Wisdom Of Strange Kids**

I try to get used to it. I try to make myself believe that it's over. I don't know what to say or do to make her understand that it's not a matter of what the hell her name is. She's still the same to me. Her eyes look the same, her smile looks the same, her accent, that adorable heart-melting accent, sounds the same. Yet she wants to separate herself like some schizophrenic.

So I sweep floors. I learn about budgets. I take orders. I serve food. I don't leave the diner.

All of Storybrooke behind those doors has seized to exist to me.

I try to think of nothing.

So I don't know what books she reads now, or who she was back in the Enchanted Forest, or what she eats for freaking dinner in her own library apartment, but does that mean that I don't know her?

I try and fail.

A few times I do have to leave the comfort of Granny's Bed and Breakfast to shop foods, but these times I tend to avoid her. My chest hurts mercilessly whenever I see her.

Granny corners me again one night.

"Ruby, you look like zombie."

"Well thanks Granny, you look great too."

"Spare me girl, would you please make yourself a little more presentable, you're scaring my customer's away."

"Jeez, first I'm being accused of dressing like a drag and now a zombie. Hard to please?"

"You pleased me just fine a few weeks ago, when you and Belle were still talking."

My whole body jerks at the mention of her name. I shrug and continue putting away plates. Granny crosses her arms and stares at me from the peripheral of my vision.

"Okay, so now she gets to determine what I wear too? Jeez."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"Ruby, would you talk to her?"

I look at her. "She's the one who doesn't want to talk to me. She thinks I only want half of her or something."

"Have you seen the girl lately? Have you _looked_ at her?"

I haven't. For the past two weeks I've been avoiding her so effectively that whenever I sense her presence I flee in the other direction. Not very proud and wolf-like, but I guess that's me these days.

"No, why?"

"Because she looks like you right now. Like she haven't slept at all for the past week."

"God, is she drinking again?" It just flies out of my mouth, because that's usually the reason she doesn't sleep. Ironically she started drinking to help her sleep. Seems like forever ago we had that conversation one late night outside her rented room just upstairs from here. I try not to look at the door every time I go to bed.

"You are not hearing me right, girl."

"What are you saying then?"

"That maybe she misses you just as much as you miss her?"

I turn around, unable to face her. "I doubt it", I mutter, trying to not feel comforted by Granny's words.

I try and fail.

The next morning Henry is in the diner, his face filled with worry. A little kid shouldn't have a face like that, but I guess that's the curse of being in the special situation Henry's in.

"What can I get you Henry?" I ask him.

He looks up with a heartbreaking expression. "Can you get me my mom back?"

I sigh and sit down in the booth with him.

"I'm sorry kid. How's David?"

In all my misery I almost forgot that the only blood related family Henry has left in Storybrooke is now under a sleeping curse, hoping to get in touch with Snow. They still don't think I should help. Honestly I hate it, but with Regina in charge I don't really get a vote. To be honest I didn't argue as much as I probably should.

Henry has brought his book. The book with the title 'Once upon a time', which contains all the stories of us, most of the important parts of our lives actually.

He's flipping through is as he says: "Can I just get a hot cocoa? With cinnamon?"

"Sure. I'll be right back."

When I bring it back he's on a page that contains a picture of Belle and Rumpelstiltskin. Just the sight burns in my veins and I almost tell him to move on to something else.

"These stories don't fit anymore. After you guys got here."

"What do you mean?" I ask, making sure to disguise my anger. The kid hasn't done anything wrong.

"I mean Belle. And you. You're not like you were in here, you changed. My mom told me about you." I take a wild guess and assume he's not talking about Regina. He goes on: "I thought Rumpelstiltskin was supposed to be Belle's true love…" It actually hurts to hear him say her name. "… but look at now. It's like this world changes you." I guess homosexuality isn't that widespread in the Enchanted Forest, but I don't say that. He's looking at me with analyzing eyes. The kind of examining look that reveals a deep and different kind of thinking, which is what makes Henry so different from most the kids his age. "Maybe Peter wasn't your true love either. Maybe it's Belle." I can't help but laugh, even though there's no evidence of good spirit in it. I would love to hear Maurice listen to him right now.

"I don't believe in true love Henry." I hate to ruin the principle that Henry bases everything on, but it seems to me that it's the only thing in his book that really is just a story.

"But it exists! Look and my grandparents. You know them!"

"Yeah, I do."

"That's true love! And it's what broke the curse! It's the most powerful magic in the world!" It's when he talks like this I know I can't deny, that he's the grandson of Snow and David. Instead I tell him:

"You know, Henry it's a little disturbing how much you know about everyone." He seems to take that as a compliment and I can't help but smile at him.

He takes a sip of the cocoa. Then he looks up at me.

"Are you saying you don't believe in true love because of what you are?"

"Henry I really don't want to get into this."

"Sorry. But I think you should talk to Belle. I think she's just scared too."

I have to give it to him, that he's persistent. And incredibly observing. He sure picked up a thing or two at his sessions with Doctor Hopper.

"You should be a shrink when you grow up Henry. Enjoy your cocoa." I leave him to attend other tables, but his words linger with me. Am I that transparent? It's true I once thought that I was too much of a monster to deserve true love after what I did to Peter, but now I think I've just disconnected from the concept. Even so I can't help but feel that with Belle I felt something close. And that I now feel like the opportunity of a lifetime has passed me by.

Maybe I should give it one last shot. If it's true what Granny says, that Belle looks as dead inside as me, then I might actually stand a chance.

When I pass the booth Henry sits in, he tugs at my shirt.

"Ruby, can you do me a favor?" He has those pleading-my-mom-might-never-come-back-eyes that he initiated the conversation with and it's truly heartbreaking.

"Sure Henry?"

"Can you find out something about this thing?" He holds out a picture showing the necklace he got from Gold that he handed over to David before he went under. "It got broke. Gold says he can't fix it."

"I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask Henry."

"I thought you could ask Belle, if she has anything in the library. I just don't want to leave grandpa." This is one sly child, I think to myself. I end up agreeing to go.

* * *

><p>I'm as nervous as ever walking into the library. The times I've been in here can be counted on one hand. I'm not much of a reader and Belle and I haven't exactly been visiting each other often after the curse broke.<p>

I spot her immediately upon entry, but she doesn't see me at first. She's standing against one of the bookcases with her attention fixed on a book. It strikes me how much of her element this place is. Something about it just fits her. She's in here mostly alone and yet she seems so comfortable. I watch her for a while. Her hair is tugged behind her ear revealing her slightly pale skin on her face and neck. Against my will I recall the times I've kissed just that skin. I miss her skin. It physically hurts to watch her standing there, so close to me and yet she's now so far from being mine.

I know I have to try. She was the very first to make a move, she guided the development of our relationship from the beginning and kept us steady. After wolf time she reached out – in a drunken Lacey-manner, but she did – and now it's my turn to try. It's like we keep taking turns patching us together, but I don't want to keep trying. I want it fixed now.

That is when she looks up and sees me.

Granny was right, she looks exhausted. She's decent; the hair is done and her clothes are presentable, but her face betrays her. Her eyes are tired and there are small circles under them. I wonder if she's slipped again and relapsed, but I know now is not the time to ask.

"Ruby", is all she says. Her voice sounds tired too. There's no tone in it. I'm relieved the cold voice is gone, but my heart bleeds for the way she says my name. Like she doesn't know what to do with it.

"Henry send me here for some research", I say and instantly regret it.

"Oh", she says tonelessly. "What kind?"

"I, um, have a picture of the thing." I mentally kick myself to get on with it. "But really, I wanna talk to you."

Something happens in her face, a little light comes to it, but she avoids my gaze still. She puts down the book and walk over to me. Carefully she leans against her desk at a safe few feet from me.

I take a deep breath. I don't really know exactly what I'm saying when the words starts flowing. I never was good at the planning. And my throat feels dry like sand paper.

"I just talked to Henry today and he made me realize how everything is different here from our land. That kid is really too insightful for his own good, anyway, I just need you to know that… Well, I don't divide you. I don't see black and white. To me you're one person, not two. You're the same as before, you know, you just have different way of acting on some things. Like when you're insecure you used to drink and now just push me away. You used to drink to calm yourself, now you read books. But you read before and you drink now. Or you slipped once anyway, as far as I know." At that she gives a slight nod, which is more of a relief than I can explain in the mess of the words I'm trying to get out. "And if you want similarities you can have those too. Like, neither of you are particularly good at admitting you're wrong. Look, sorry, but it's true. And like, Lacey was incredibly giving and sweet and I'm sure Belle is too, because you have that feel about you. You smile the same, you laugh the same, you… feel the same. Your eyes light up the same way when you're mad. Like they have this _fire_ inside them." As I get talking I realize Belle is crying. The sight of it puts a lump in my throat that I try to talk through.

"Okay, so maybe I don't know everything about you, but can't you say the same about me? The difference is that I don't care, because now we have all the more reason to get to know each other. Can't we just do that?" She avoids my gaze again and I move to catch her tear-slurred eyes. "Can't we?"

"Of course Ruby, I'm just afraid that maybe we don't fit with each other anymore. Lacey was so adventurous, me, I only dream of it, but never act. I'm afraid I'm not the one you want anymore."

"Don't tell me what I want, Belle, I want you. I get that you have new sides, but honestly, you're the same person just with a little color change. And I love that person, no matter what the hell your name is."

Belle sniffles and wipes her eyes dry. Her silence is making me panic.

"Belle, talk to me. What is it? Have _I_ changed too much? Are you still mad about the suicide attempt? What is it?"

She sighs and finally looks me into the eye. "You haven't changed. That's what frightens me. Apart from the wolf it feels like you just blend right together with whom you were, and I feel like two different people. I need time to sort that out. I'm sorry I made that all about you, but really, I need to figure out who I am now. My own father even thinks I'm two different people and he doesn't understand why I have to go to AA-meetin's every week to keep myself from drinkin'. And he doesn't understand the feelin's I have for you. Did you know he threatened to send me across the town line, just to make me forget?" I shake my head and feel a jab of guilt for having thought of doing just that. "I despise that he did that, but he's still the only family I have and he's always been dear to my heart. I want to try and make amends with him."

"Which means staying away from me." I don't even try to hide my disappointment as I say it and I look away.

"For now." She steps closer and touches my hand, which catches my attention. I look down at her fingers touching mine and then to her face again. "I know that I love you, I do, but I have to sort all of this out. I'm sorry I've been so cold to you. To answer your question, no I'm not mad at you anymore, I'm just worried. I thought of tellin' you that maybe you should talk to someone about it and get help. Like Doctor Hopper. You decide. I might take my own advice on that account. But all the same…" She lets go of my hand and it feels cold instantly after losing the warmth of Belle's fingers around it. "I need some time still. Can you give me that?"

I can feel myself crying too now. The tears build up as she finally talked and started falling, when her skin abandoned mine. The horrible of it all is that it doesn't feel like closure or an end, but all the same I feel the pain of rejection all over again.

I take a moment to gather some courage. Then I put a light touch to her face, caressing the soft skin of her cheek and jaw line. She closes her eyes momentarily as I touch her. She meets my gaze again.

"Well I hope you decide against staying away from me."

Then my hand drops and I leave. I have to leave while I still have it in me to walk out and give her the space she needs. The tears are streaming oceans on my face before I'm out of the door. It's a disturbing feeling knowing that I'm nowhere closer to or farther from an end as I leave, than I was entering. We've said we love each other for the second time now and still there's a roadblock the size of a forest with the face of Maurice and borderline-schizophrenia painted all over it. At least I can take comfort in the fact that she doesn't hate me. I'm still holding the phone with the picture of the necklace in my other hand, knowing that I won't be going in there again until Belle say's so.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: Silver Coins **

I decide to take Belle up on her advice. Mostly because when I told Granny about our conversation – crying uncontrollably while doing so – she strongly agreed with Belle.

"That girl is a clever one. You'll do well by listening to her." I think Gran might secretly have wanted to tell me the same thing, but for some reason decided not to. So I made an appointment with Jiminy. We still call him Doctor Hopper, but as I sit there telling him all about the feeling of being a monster, I keep picturing the cricket, who used to flicker around before our eyes at the round table back at the castle. Of course back then he was everyone's conscience. You'll have to give Regina; she put some thoughts into our curse-identities.

He's good. He listens and he makes me dig out all the emotions, which have been hiding underneath the layers made by twenty eight years of ignorance. I cry, I explain and I even tell him how Belle and Lacey fits into the whole thing. I tell him about our talks of inner monsters. How fitting that actually was.

He too points out how being with Lacey and helping her settled my own identity. Brought out the part of what, to use Belle's words, blends right in with Red, the person I was before the curse. She's right; I don't feel a huge change. I mostly go by Ruby now; the name just seems to fit better with everyone. Only Snow, David and sometimes Leroy still use my old nickname. The identity of Ruby still fits me. I don't have as much of a drive for rebellion, but still some. I don't feel like dressing up to get attention anymore, but that too faded away as Lacey wove herself into my life.

Its things like these that make me think of Henry musing over whether or not Belle is my true love. I still don't know if I believe in that and I feel that now with all the uncertainties, it's a bad time to start, but the more Jiminy talks, the more I realize how we shaped each other into better versions. I wish I could tell Belle that, but I promised myself I won't bother her until the day she shows up and tells me she's done taking her time.

It's been almost another week now. Times passes a little faster this week compared to the last, but another matter is closing in on me: Wolf time. Again. I discuss this with Jiminy too, but supposedly I can control the wolf now.

It doesn't take away the side effects of wolf time though. The restlessness. The hotheadedness. My rational thoughts about how Belle and I and how we'll eventually make up starts to look more like the night after last wolf time rather than a sensible, sweet make up. I just can't afford to blow it again.

"Ruby, you need to stop thinking that everything that happens is on your shoulders", Jiminy says when I voice those worries.

"But it was. I was the sober one." It's funny how my love life is so much less awkward to discuss with him. There really is something to the whole shrink-thing. Still, very few know about us. We never got the chance to go public. The funny thing is that before the curse I was hesitant, because I didn't know how to talk to Granny and now Belle is the one to go quiet about it. If she'll be mine I'll be happy to shout if from the rooftops, but Belle has made an effort to talk quietly when others are near.

"No. She carries just as much of the blame. And she knows it. From what you tell me it sounds like a lot of her anger was directed at herself."

I sigh. "You might be right."

Our time ends shortly after that and I return to the diner for my afternoon shift.

Granny catches me on my way upstairs. She's holding something in her hand that I can't see.

"Belle came by." I stop dead in my track. "She told me to give you this." She holds out a little white box. I take it and go upstairs, knowing that I can't face the entire diner as I open it.

I lock myself into my room and turn my attention to the box, never mind changing for my shift.

Inside there's a little silver coin. I recognize its kind immediately: It's an AA-coin. One month sober. I can tell this is a different one though, so she must be doing well with her meetings. It makes me think of when she received the first of these. The night it all started. God, it feels like ages ago. The thought of it makes heat crawl into my stomach, heat that I have to subdue.

There's a note inside the box too.

_I just got this yesterday. I'm still trying with my father and I have visited Doctor Hopper again myself. I hope you understand how much of a chaos this all feels like to me. Either way I want you to have this one. It still makes me think only of you._

I read the note twice, trying to decide if this is closure or not. Is she saying goodbye or opening a door? I find that I simply can't decipher it. The last time she asked me to take her coin and told me it reminded her of me the words were said with reluctance, but the weight of these words feels different. I try not to let myself hope.

I take the coin in my hand and turn it over. It has the same engravings as the former, the same words: 'Unity', 'service' and 'recovery'. No matter how else I feel, I am proud of her in this moment. And somewhat convinced that as she accepts the inner monsters of Lacey and fights them as her own, the two halves of her begin to emerge further. I hope she feels it.

* * *

><p>I spent a great deal of time discussion wolf time with Granny. Granny never was fond of the whole werewolf issue and she's all for locking me up again.<p>

"I know you learned to control it once, Ruby and that you have regained some control now, but I'd like to make sure none of us has to go through two days like last month."

"I get that Gran, but I feel caged. The _wolf_ feels caged and when I'm upset it's easier to lose control. What's the point in breaking a new freezer for nothing?"

Granny says nothing, but looks at me skeptically.

"Come on, no one is going to murder people and pin me on it this time! Spencer's still locked up." Some are still afraid of me, I know that. I can tell from their faces when they pass me on the street, but there's no sign that yet another angry mob is forming. They all saw me regaining control. It's a good thing, since I can't count on David to save me again with him being under the sleeping curse.

"I know that. It's just for my peace of mind. The library is not an option?" At least she's asking.

"No", I say quickly in a firm voice. She doesn't argue with that.

"What do you plan to do then?"

"I'll go into the forest. I want to run free. I'll stay out there all night and come back once I shift back to human form."

"I don't like it", Granny says. She takes out our plates and starts cleaning up after breakfast. She wants to say something, but decides against it, it seems. I think I know what it is. My hood is hidden away in the back of my closet and if I have any say, I don't have to wear it again.

"I know you don't, but it's who I am, Granny. I get that you got used to me not turning into a wolf every month with the curse and all that, but it's back now and it's not gonna go away. I know you despise the wolf, but I can't have this argument again. I don't want to wear the hood."

"I'm just worried that you'll lose control, girl."

"You have to trust me on this. Can you do that?" I might be pushing it, after all it's only a month ago that we thought I killed again and then I tried to get myself killed. I tried to kill myself. I get that it scared people. It scares me. Jiminy says that it helps saying it. Acknowledging it. If I try to run from the fact that it's what I did, it becomes more of a burden.

To my surprise Granny turns around with a small smile.

"I suppose I have to, after I've repeatedly lectured you to take responsibility for yourself. Will you at least take it with you into the woods, in case you want to come back early?"

I return the smile. "Of course I will. Thanks Granny."

"Sure. Now come on, girl get to your session and come straight back for your shift okay?"

Granny always gets a bit awkward when we have emotional conversations. Maybe she's just still too used to us fighting. I give her a quick hug before leaving.

I have two days until wolf time begins. It gives me plenty of time to mentally prepare myself to stay awake this time. To stay aware. I've done it countless of times and now that I'm back on the right track I should easily be able to fall back into the pattern.

I hope so. Otherwise I gave Granny a speech for nothing.

At my session I show Jiminy the coin that Belle gave me. I have already told him the story of how Lacey and I got together, so he's familiar with the symbolism of this one.

"It feels like a circle closing or something like that. Like she's getting closer to her other self or however she wants to put it."

He agrees, but he doesn't look as light as I feel today, which bothers me. Isn't he supposed to make me feel better?

"Ruby as true as that might be, you need to accept that there's a possibility of a scenario, in which Belle will not chose you. You said she's trying to make amends with her father?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So she might choose her family. In that case you must prepare yourself to come to terms with that."

I sigh as my heart sinks in my chest. "I get that she won't get both, but I just don't see why her father is being such am ignorant bastard about this." I remember what she said about her father rather have her shipped across the town line than be with me. Or Rumpelstiltskin. I think I get why the choice between the lesbian werewolf and the Dark One isn't exactly a father's dream, but the way he's treating Belle is horrible. His sweet, kind, beautiful and selfless daughter, who just want to make everyone happy. I think I hate him just a little bit. I hope _he_ gets shipped across the town line.

"Some people just never learn to accept or understand homosexuality. I think it's especially difficult since it was so unheard of in our land."

"We should ship that bastard across the town line", I mumble, not sure if I want him to hear me or not. He does though.

"That's not up to you, but Belle."

"I know that." I wouldn't dream of doing it without Belle's consent, but it already itches in my fingers to pull him across that border line by the collar with my own hands. Or drag him from the fang of the wolf. That seems even more fitting. The wolf hums within me at the thought.

* * *

><p>The full moon is tomorrow and I feel it getting closer by the hour. The first wolf time set my inner clock back in function and my body is now responding the shift of the moon like the ebb and flow of the tide. It prickles my skin at night and sends my restlessness flying of the chart. I didn't sleep almost the entire night, because my skin was crawling with expectation. It's just like old times. It blows my concentration almost completely, but at the same time it's reassuring. If every part of my body feels like it did just before the curse, as it prepares itself for change, my mind must be doing the same thing. I should be able to control it with no problem. Piece of cake.<p>

"Ruby, could you take this piece of cake to table four? You're daydreaming again, girl."

I snap back into focus. I'm in the middle of my afternoon shift and I got stuck halfway around the counter.

"Yes of course. Sorry. It's the wolf."

"Mm-hm." Granny gives me a look and turn back to the customer who's about to pay. This is one of the reasons she doesn't like the wolf. And back in the Enchanted Forest I didn't have to attend waiting customers.

I deliver the cake and go get the next order. As I organize the orders the door opens. With my senses heightened to this degree it takes about three milliseconds to realize that Belle just walked into the diner.

I head snaps up to see her walk in, looking around with searching eyes and an insecure expression. She's wearing that dotted dress, which is one of the first she bought by herself. I recognize it immediately. It just fits her figure so beautifully. And it's modest, something that fit Lacey too. She never showed off her body, the way I used to do. The subtle beauty she has is one of the things that make her so irresistible.

She sees me and walks up to the counter.

My focus is now completely gone.

She smiles at me with that insecure smile and sits down.

"Hi", she says."

"Hi." I stare at her for a while trying to decipher what she's going to say. If she's going to just end it right here. "Um, can I get you anything?"

"Maybe those pancakes you have."

"Coming up." I give her a smile, that might have come off more insecure that I wanted it to. I give up on organizing the orders and just throw them out into the kitchen along with Belle's order.

"So…" I say as I come back. "You're here?"

"I am."

She's giving me nothing. She's slow in her movement. Then I see it. It would be impossible to see for someone whose eyes aren't as good as mine, but I can tell she's been crying some time ago. There's just the slightest hint of redness around her eyes. Which means someone got bad news. Or I'm about to. My heart starts beating a little faster.

"So what does that-" I start but change my mind. "I mean, what about your father?"

She sighs and I can tell this is what's causing her pain.

"I tried. I really did. I even thought I made him understand, but I failed." Her voice is a little shaky, but I pretend I don't notice, so to not make her uncomfortable. I know she'll hate bursting into tears in a public place like this. "He wants me to rid myself of everythin' I was before the curse broke. And Ruby, I tried to do that. I don't know, if I should have, but I did, because he's my father. But in the end I couldn't."

I'm about to open my mouth, when Granny interrupts.

"Ruby, go serve table three."

"Granny!" I almost growl at her.

"You're on shift. Work while you talk or have the conversation later." I gloat at her. Then I take the plates and walk around the counter.

"So sorry, Belle, one second."

"I-I can come back…"

"No don't go, please. One sec."

I have to restrain myself so to not just throw then plates on the table, but put them down gently and hurry back to Belle. She has turned in her chair and I walk up to her.

"Tell me what happened?"

"I disowned him. Again."

"I'm sorry." I'm sorry you're sad, but I sure hope that bastard burns, is what the wolf wanted to say.

Belle shakes her head and sends her thick curls swirling around her head. I'm shortly mesmerized, before snapping back into focus again.

"Don't be", she says. "If he can't accept how I feel, he's not my family."

She looks up at me and I feel hope blossoming in my chest. I find it hard to form words, but I have to make her say it, otherwise I won't believe it.

"So does that mean… do you…?"

"Yes. I chose you, Ruby. Wasn't that hard of a choice, when it came down to it."

The blossoming hope explodes in my chest and I can't contain the ecstasy in that moment. I wish I could for Belle's sake, but there's no way. I almost crash into her, and kiss her, pulling her up to me with my hands at her neck. She doesn't push me away, but sinks into the kiss and her hands sneak around my waist like they used to. I try to keep the kiss sweet and friendly to the crowd, which I vaguely notice has gone silent, but the desire within me is battling my senses.

I don't want to overwhelm her though, so I control myself, before I can do more than tracing her bottom lip with my tongue. She snickers into the kiss. Something clicks into place. I haven't heard her snicker like that since before the curse was lifted. It takes everything in me, but I pull back and stare into her beaming face.

"I've missed you", she whispers into my face.

I laugh. I just can't help it. "God, I've missed you too."

When I take a reluctant step back from Belle and the world comes into focus, Granny is standing with her hand at her hip.

"When you have time, people are getting hungry", she says. I wonder how long the kiss lasted. Not long enough. Then Granny smiles, a huge heartwarming smile. Those are rare. "I'm glad you two worked it out."

Everyone seems to be staring at us for a second or two, before returning to their meals. Some eyes linger longer than others. None of the stares seems spiteful or unpleasant in any way though. Belle blushes and looks down. I think to myself, with a smirk, that I won't need to shout from the rooftops after all.

I'm still smiling like an idiot as I serve a couple of tables and Belle eats her pancakes. I serve her those with a heart painted in syrup on top, just because I have to get the joy out somehow or I'll burst. I wonder if I can just lose it and turn into a wolf out of happiness.

When I have a free moment, I walk back to Belle and turn her around again.

"I just need to know one thing now", I say as I play with her hair.

"Yeah, what's that?"

"What do I call you now?"

She smiles at the question, fortunately. "I think I'll go by Belle. That is my name. But only as long as you'll still be my girl."

"Of course I will, Belle", I say and lean in to kiss her again. Just a chaste, brief touching of her lips. I can behave. Until later that is.

Then the door slams open and Leroy almost jumps in.

"They're back! Snow and Emma! They came through the well! Come on Red!" The last part he yells at me, before he's out of the door again.

And I thought the day couldn't get any better. I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to do with myself. The wolf inside, jumping up and down while howling internally, doesn't help. I turn to Granny.

"Fine, you can go. The whole town is going to be in chaos anyway. But be back soon."

"I'll help you", Belle says to Gran. I turn to her and take her hand.

"Will you wait for me here 'till I get back?" My feet are almost already on the move to go find my best friend and tell her everything.

Belle smiles at me. "I will. I promise."

END

* * *

><p><strong>So that was it you guys. I really hope you enjoyed it. Special thanks to blueaoineechan for commenting so much along the way, it was great fun reading (as was the others). I would love to hear what all of you think of the whole thing. Was I true to the characters? Did you think Belle was right to try and make amends with her father, even though it almost cost her Ruby? I also felt really good about getting some closure on the whole wolf-issue with Ruby, did it make sense? Anyway it's been really fun writing this, so fun I might do it again sometime. I'll stop rambling now, please leave a comment and enjoy your day!<strong>


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